i've been with the same man for over the past three years. i met him through mutual friends at a birthday party at a strip club. i went to that party with another guy and i chatted with future boyfriend but he did not ask for my phone number because of the guy i was at the party with. we met again 6 months later at a halloween party and exchanged numbers. we went out on a date a week later, and i slept with him that same night and we've pretty much been together ever since. i'm almost surprised that over three years later i am still ridiculously attracted to him, i think its mostly due to the fact that we are extremely open with each other and open to "new" things in the bedroom. i wouldn't call myself a nympho but i definitely enjoy sex, probably more than most and i like talking about it. i wouldnt see a point in not putting any effort or energy into sex, because at that point why bother? it should be fun and not a chore.
i dont feel right unless im breaking a serious sweat and feel as if im in a trance. otherwise, i'd rather just jerk off. for me, the thrill of the chase is awesome. once i have sex with the person and know i can have them, i get all weird. not that i necessarily have a 180 degree shift, but my thoughts begin to take on a bit of a different hue.
do you ever read savagelove or listen to the savagelove podcast? if not, you should. dan savage is basically the only person i trust with sex advice. he's fantastic!
i've recently gone from really loving the thrill of the chase and not being super satisfied after the first few weeks of boning someone new to loving the super close super intimate type of sex that you can only have with someone you've been sleeping with for a while
( ... )
Partners I choose, or who I let choose me must be attractive. Sexually attractive. That being said, there's a lot I put into appearance, but an unattractive mind will kill even the hottest exterior. Great minds with unappealing bodies don't work for me. Got to be visual/physical
( ... )
can become uninterested in a sexually attractive partner who might not live up to my expectations, i think judging is such sabatoge on one hand..seemingly propelled by high insecurity. on the other hand its a warning signal to trust your instincts. i have a hard time deciphering which is which.
Well, I can see your point, but let me clarify mine.
Do you watch movies that you like, or always go for mediocre or movies you don't like?
If you like cabbage, but hate broccoli, do you routinely choose broccoli for its lesser appeal?
You see the metaphors. After having sex with someone, would you keep going back to the dead fish or the uptight, (assuming you don't have a preference for uptight dead fish...) or do you seek out the reactions and actions that bring you pleasure or preference?
To me it's a matter of doing what feels good. Selfish? Yup. Who's not? (and if not, why do they relish being a doormat - sexually or otherwise?)
My point is that short of a partner who may be inexperienced, or willing to learn, life is too short to keep having bad sex on purpose.
Or something.
I agree - the judge vs. the instinct is a fine line. All the more reason I like to experience a partner more than once (short of something horrid on the first time, which is hard to imagine) to ensure that a first impression wasn't false.
im sorry- i totally thought you meant judging your partner in terms of non-sexual things. if a person is a bad lover, then yes, of course thats a turn off and you likely will stop being attracted to them.
i keep mistaking platonic attraction for sexual attraction. oops. that said, many people would say that i put very little effort into sex, but that's because i never really wanted to fuck them in the first place. sex without the intense all-consuming butterflies is boring & not worth it.
Comments 74
Reply
Reply
for me, the thrill of the chase is awesome. once i have sex with the person and know i can have them, i get all weird. not that i necessarily have a 180 degree shift, but my thoughts begin to take on a bit of a different hue.
Reply
http://thestranger.com/savage
Reply
Reply
Reply
i think judging is such sabatoge on one hand..seemingly propelled by high insecurity. on the other hand its a warning signal to trust your instincts. i have a hard time deciphering which is which.
Reply
Do you watch movies that you like, or always go for mediocre or movies you don't like?
If you like cabbage, but hate broccoli, do you routinely choose broccoli for its lesser appeal?
You see the metaphors. After having sex with someone, would you keep going back to the dead fish or the uptight, (assuming you don't have a preference for uptight dead fish...) or do you seek out the reactions and actions that bring you pleasure or preference?
To me it's a matter of doing what feels good. Selfish? Yup. Who's not? (and if not, why do they relish being a doormat - sexually or otherwise?)
My point is that short of a partner who may be inexperienced, or willing to learn, life is too short to keep having bad sex on purpose.
Or something.
I agree - the judge vs. the instinct is a fine line. All the more reason I like to experience a partner more than once (short of something horrid on the first time, which is hard to imagine) to ensure that a first impression wasn't false.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment