Clandestine (10/11)
Clandestine (10/11)
Chapter title: Perception
Rating: R
Summary: Lamb's death was faked. When the truth is revealed Veronica goes to see him and a secret relationship is formed.
Characters/Pairing: Veronica/Lamb, and other VM characters
Spoilers: entire series but AU from 3X14
Word Count: 2338
Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars
This story is based on a fic request from Sweetpea2100
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted and/or favorite this fic!
Oh and just a reminder, this is a work of fiction, so liberties are taken in regards to situations and circumstances.
This chapter is a little different, I like to do chapters like this sometimes to explore different ideas. It's from Veronica's POV and there are two ways you can look at it; either this really is happening…or this is Veronica's mind trying to work through what is happening to her. regardless of how you choose to look at the events in this chapter I do hope you enjoy it.
It was a strange feeling at first.
I felt weightless and hazy. But the pain was gone. And that was what surprised me, it had been unbearable what felt like only seconds before and then it was gone. I figured that I must be in the hospital and on some serious pain killers.
But when I opened my eyes I found myself sitting in the back of my dad's cruiser and staring at Don and my dad, but most importantly myself.
Don was holding me to him with tears in his eyes, they both looked stricken and I was slumped against him unconscious and bleeding. Both of them were covered in crimson from holding me at the station and if I could have felt my body, I'm sure my head would have hurt like hell from the horror and confusion I was feeling.
Was I dead? Had I left him already?
No, no it wouldn't be fair. Not when I finally got what I'd always wanted and not when he'd promised me so much. No, I loved him too much to leave him. This had to be a dream.
I felt like I was crying but there were no tears and I tried to touch him, feel him, but my hand went right through him. It made my heart, or I guess my soul, ache even more.
I'd never really believed in all that spiritual shit, at least not until Lilly died and then I saw her ghost so many times that I kind of had to, but this…this was just strange. It was like an out of body experience, I was a spectator of my own demise and I didn't like it, seeing the pain Don and my father were in was the worst thing I'd ever experienced.
I followed them into the hospital not needing to open any doors and that was probably the weirdest thing of all, walking straight through the car door and not feeling a thing.
I wanted to stay with Don, hold him, tell him it would be ok and that I loved him. But as I stood by his side I suddenly found myself in the room with doctors and nurses, busily working on my broken body. I tried to get to him but something kept forcing me back.
So I had to stand there and watch as they removed my clothes, which even considering the circumstances was embarrassing to watch. I hated being naked in front of people, well anyone other than Don, and there I was, lifeless, bleeding and stark naked in a room full of medical professionals. I was actually happy that I wasn't awake for that and then I felt like kicking my mass-less self for thinking it. I was dying and being naked shouldn't have been an issue in the least. Their ability to save me should have been all I was thinking of.
And then it was like I blinked and I found myself in an operating room watching a surgeon cut me open and I was still crying nonexistent tears.
My mind was running wild with thoughts of Don and my friends. The future we'd planned that might not happen now and I felt like falling to the ground but I couldn't, I was forced to just watch.
When the beeping started and the body I was in began to take corporeal form, the doctors were frantic. My heart had stopped, I really was dying and then out of nowhere I was shapeless again as they got me back and I sighed a breath of relief. I was gonna live, I had to live.
I just stood there as they tried everything they could, the whole time thinking of nothing but the life that Don and I were going to have, no matter what I had to do to get it, and the fact that I hated myself for keeping us a secret for so long. We wasted so much time that we'd never get back, especially if I didn't make it. What had I been thinking? Clandestine relationships never ended well. And sure, you could argue that this might have happened sooner if we were common knowledge, but in my heart and soul that didn't matter.
The clock seemed to speed up suddenly and it was like everything was on fast forward. My heart stopped one more time and my shape hardened and disappeared again like the first time. It wasn't until they finally closed me up and wheeled me out of the room that I noticed someone was standing next to me. Someone like me, but not, solid but invisible.
When I turned they smiled. "It's really a pity Veronica; you developed a seriously hot body. Kinda sucks that I had to see it for the first time covered in blood."
My breath hitched and if I could have passed out I would have. "Lilly?"
She shrugged and smirked. "The one and only, Ronica. So, you and Lambikins huh? Saw that one coming for years, have to say you waited longer than I would have though."
I was in so much shock from her presence that I didn't notice the scenery change again. But this time I wasn't in the room with my body, I was in the waiting room. Everyone was there, Mac was comforting Don and then all of a sudden Logan burst through the door and started hitting him. I jumped and tried to grab Lamb but my arms went right through him and Lilly grabbed me back. Wait. "How come YOU can touch me? But I can't touch anybody else."
She smiled again and plopped down in a chair enjoying the scene in front of her as Wallace appealed to Logan. "Gee Mars and I thought you were the smart one. We're both other worldly, you might not be dead yet but you're close and that means you're halfway between joining me and staying with them. Fun ain't it?"
I looked at her in shock. "No Lilly, it's not fun. I don't want... I can't... I'm not ready to leave."
She nodded and hopped back up wrapping her arms around me. "You know, I knew all along that you and Logan would hook up. He was never right for me. I knew that, he knew that. If I hadn't died I'd have married Weevil."
I choked on a needless breath and she laughed. "Shocking I know. But it's true. The funny thing is that either way…you started with Logan but you ended up with Don. You and Logan were never gonna last. Too much history and you'd never overcome it, unfortunately I was the reason for that both ways. But you would always be the best of friends in the end. The sad part is that in either universe he never really gets over you. Sure, he moves on but never loves anyone the way he loves you."
What the fuck. "God damn it Lilly, can we stop with the 'Veronica Mars this COULD be your life' shit? This is serious. I'm dying, I'm leaving all the people I love, and you of all people should understand that feeling."
She just laughed again and grabbed my hand pulling me over to Don. God, he looked so broken and once again all I wanted to do was hold him. "Well actually, we're a little different in that respect. You see I was supposed to die young. Even in the future with Eli I didn't make it past 23, of course my death wasn't as brutal that way, but oh well; at least I went out in style."
Fuck, seriously? "Lilly, you slept with your boyfriend's father and he killed you...that is not going out in style, that's going out in stupidity. So just get to the goddamn point. I'm sick of this, I need, I WANT answers."
She stood up straight and crossed her arms. "Well look who grew a backbone. Have to say I kinda like the person you've turned into. I loved the old you but this one is just way more fun."
And with that I was beyond fed up. "God Lilly, shut up! It's your fault that I became this person." I crouched in front of Don and brought my hand as close to his cheek as possible and spoke to him. "I love you, don't worry baby I'm not leaving you." And I swear I saw him flinch and he looked around. I turned back to Lilly wide eyed. "Did he? Can he hear me?"
"No, not really, but he can sense you, your connection to him is strong. Like the one you and I had. How you could still see me at times, feel my presence. Its how he is feeling now."
I looked into his eyes again, ran my fingers over his chest and he shuddered. "Its ok baby. It's all going to be ok. I …"
Lilly interrupted me. "You sound so sure. Maybe you shouldn't give him false hope."
And that just pissed me off beyond belief and as I stepped towards her the room changed again and we were in the post surgery room with my body. I was tired of the bullshit. "What's going on Lilly? Tell me, I want to know. Do I have a choice? Can I pick to stay or go? Cuz If I can choose, I choose him. Always will. What's the fucking angle here?"
Lilly smiled coyly and hoped up on my bed running her fingers through my hair as I looked on. "Well if you hadn't gotten all mushy back there with lover boy I would have finished. But noooo, it's all about him. Just like it used to be. You know I used to hate that. I was important too, you know."
"Fuck! Knock it off! Everything was all about you and you know it. Everyone just fucking fawned all over you no matter what, so don't fucking pull a pity party on me. If you know why I'm stuck here tell me."
She may have been a ghost and I may have been half dead but that was the first time I'd ever seen her look proud of me. "Yep, I definitely like the new you. And since you're so pushy I guess I'll cut to the chase. Like I said before. You two end up together, you're like meant to be together or something. And unlike me, you aren't supposed to die young. It's the reason you keep narrowly escaping death every time you go too far or won't let something go. Its cuz it's not meant to be."
What? "Ok, so if it's not my time, then what is happening now, why am I dying?"
"Because Ronniekins, this one….wasn 't on the books, someone somewhere in celestial book keeping seriously fucked up. You weren't supposed to be anywhere near that station today. So right now you're in limbo. Think of it as waiting for an arraignment. You've been essentially locked up until someone can appeal your case."
"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard."
She shrugged and smiled. "It may be dumb, but it's the fucking way it is. You gotta wait. But I mean at least they sent me right? They could have sent anyone. And seriously Ronnie, I thought you'd be happy to see me."
And fuck if that didn't make me feel like shit. "god Lil, I'm sorry, I am, but you have to realize that I've just been torn from my life, from those I love and I'm not ready to leave him…I mean them."
She giggled and hopped off the bed to come over and give me a hug. "Yeah yeah, you mean him. And for the record, I knew you were happy to see me. I just felt like giving you a little shit."
"Gee thanks Lil, I'm lying on my death bed and verbal hi-jinxs are your way of making me feel better about it."
She went to speak but was silenced when they wheeled me out of the room and into a private room. And then once again time sped up and we found ourselves standing in the corner of the room and watching Don sit next to the bed and grab my hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from him. I tried baby. I tried so hard and I failed. This is all my fault. You can't leave me Veronica. I'm nothing without you. You make me feel complete; always have and I meant everything I said to you, anything you want is yours. Your dad even gave us his blessing." He squeezed my hand and a fresh crop of tears fell from his eyes. "See baby, now you have to be ok. You have to. We can be together now. Come back to me."
"How long will this appeal take Lilly? I need to get back to him. I can't believe my life is in the hands of a bunch of spiritual bureaucrats right now."
She laughed and put her arm around me again. "Well to be honest I don't know, hours, days, weeks, could be months."
"No. god this can't be happening." I just stared at Don, my soul aching still and when I reached for him again, he shivered.
"I know that's you baby girl. I know it, and I love you for it but it's time to come back to me. It's time to jump back into your tiny little self and tell me how big an ass I'm being right now. Tell me to man up and quit crying. It's time for you to come back so I can tell you how much I love you."
I looked at Lilly. "God Lilly I have to go…" and then the beeping started again and I felt tears on my face. Oh no. "Lilly am I?"
She looked concerned and her voice came out in a choked whisper. "Oh god Veronica, I'm sorry."
To be continued…
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Chapter 11: http://community.livejournal.com/veronica_lamb/68075.html?#cutid1
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Thanks for reading! Comment please!
So the next chapter will be the last for this fic, it will be an epilogue of sorts.