La Douleur Exquise! (Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica) R
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Title: La Douleur Exquise! (15 & Epilogue/15)
Author: Me
Pairing/Character: Logan, Veronica, Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica
Word Count: 7793
Rating: Very strong R (language, non-graphic sex implied)
Summary: Years of friendship, hate, lust, love, and back again, all accumulating to this, the only natural conclusion.
Spoilers/Warnings: Only up to "One Angry Veronica" (spoiler-wise). However, this story takes place after "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen
Now...
One week. One long, agonizing week.
It was safe to say Veronica was in a miserable, miserable place.
Logan hadn’t made his presence known to her since their fight at the suite. No phone call, no appearances at lunch, no e-mails, nothing. The only reason she knew he was still coming to school to hand in final assignments and prepare for final exams was because Wallace told her he showed up for Mr. Wu’s class. In fact, it appeared that Logan was showing up only for necessary classes, no one saw him any other time.
She had busied herself by cramming for final exams, taking small cases, working at the Hut, and digging into the mystery witness who got Logan arrested a second time. A plastic surgeon. Already, something was fishy about it all, and she was going to get to the bottom of it, even if Logan didn’t want her help.
At the moment, she sat by herself at a lunch table, jabbing her fork absently into her Salisbury steak, watching students and teachers walk by. All she saw was the various couples roaming the lunch area, holding hands, kissing, gazing into each other’s eyes- she slowly became mad at herself for feeling jealous, and just a bit upset.
She wished he would just call her.
Jackie slammed down her lunch tray in front of Veronica, sliding into the bench. “I am SO over high school, it’s not even funny.” She announced loudly, opening her bottle of water. “Finals suck, UCSD won’t stop e-mailing me, and I spilled nail polish on my jeans. Add on to that the fact that my loving, attentive boyfriend has just ditched me for a bunch of loud, sweaty guys, and my day officially sucks.”
She glanced at Veronica, who continued to stare at her in a slight state of shock. “What? We can’t lunch together?” She shrugged, digging her fork into her salad. “That’s what friends do.”
Veronica slowly smiled, looking down at her plate of what now had to be dog food. Yes, lunching together was what friends did. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for a new best girl friend, for someone ready and willing to replace Lilly, but she was certain that she could at least make the effort. “I guess that is.”
Jackie chewed her food, watching Veronica carefully as her food remained untouched. “So, you and Logan are really over, huh?”
Veronica’s eyes lifted, a dull acceptance filling her gaze. “Logan told you.”
“Of course he did.” She shook her head sympathetically. “Right after prom, that really sucks.”
Veronica was quiet for a long moment. She remembered the only time they had been in the same room was after Wallace’s basketball game four days ago, she managed to catch his retreating back after giving Jackie a kiss goodbye. She had silently cursed herself for coming to the game late, and Jackie had attempted some damage control by informing her that he had briefly asked how she was.
She decided to return the favor. “How is he?”
“Not so good.” Jackie shrugged. “You know how he gets.”
“He’s been ignoring me.” Veronica said quietly, her eyes lowering to her food once more.
“He thinks you’re still pissed off. And I think he’s a bit angry at himself, too.”
“Is he still doing that thing with Weevil?” Jackie gave a short nod, and Veronica’s jaw clenched. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
“Wow, Veronica...” Madison purred as she walked past, stopping to give Veronica an conspicuously fake smile. “Two months, that’s, like, a new record for you, isn’t it?”
“Thanks for the concern, Madison.” Veronica said curtly, giving her a glare. It was definitely not the time for the Wicked Witch to play games with her, not while she had her pocket knife in her bag, and her perfectly coifed hair was so close.
“I mean, wow.” She continued, ignoring Veronica’s reply. “Right after prom, too. How long do you think it’s gonna take Logan to get over you? A week? Maybe two?” She glanced over her shoulder at a table of freshman girls nearby. “I’m sure he could find some young chippies to keep him entertained.”
“Madison-”
“Are you finished?” Jackie interrupted, scowling at Madison. “I mean, don’t you have anything better to do than pick on people? Your life must be so damn miserable- no wonder everyone hates you.”
“Excuse me, I wasn’t talking to-”
“Yeah, I don’t care. You’re so concerned about other people’s business, why don’t you look into why Dick won’t date you again? Or maybe why you need to cake on all that make-up to make yourself look middle-class, straight out of Ohio pretty because you know you’re not the model you like to think you are?” She took a deep breath from her rushed tirade before continuing. “Why you need to put all those chemicals on your eyes and in your hair to look half as good as Veronica, here?”
Madison was at a loss for words, glaring at Jackie. Finally, she spun on her heels and stomped off toward the 09er table, and Jackie waved her away with a flourish. She rolled her eyes, turning back to Veronica.. “God, I hate her.”
She stood abruptly, smiling as Veronica stared at her, stunned. “What? I’ve got your back.” She flung her bag over her shoulder. “Come on, let’s cut class and go hang out at my house, since Wallace has gone all Brokeback.” A pause. “We have to take your car, Wallace has the keys to mine.”
Wordlessly, still in too much shock to properly answer, Veronica jumped to her feet, gathering her things and rushing after a determined Jackie toward the parking lot. “Are you crazy?”
“Define crazy.” Jackie said with a smirk, stopping in front of Veronica’s car. She giggled as Veronica opened her door, climbing in before opening the passenger side. She climbed in, giving Veronica a bright smile. “Girl, stop looking at me like that! We’re friends, whether you like it or not! Deal with it.”
An hour later, they were at Jackie’s home. Jackie’s father, dumbfounded at the fact that she was home at noon with Veronica Mars, had excused himself, escaping somewhere in the large house. Veronica sat on the large sofa, watching as Jackie rushed around, occasionally bringing over bowls of chips and popcorn.
Finally, she returned with two large sodas, handing one to Veronica and setting the other down on the coffee table. She grinned, slipping in front of Veronica. “Look what Wallace gave me,” She wiggled the tape in her face. “Ms. Fennel’s prom tape!”
Veronica sighed, for the first time realizing just how tired she really was. “Jackie, I don’t want to see that right now.”
“Come on, we looked fierce, Veronica.” Without waiting for a reply, she dashed over to the VCR, slipping in the tape and pressing play. Before she had made it to sit by Veronica, there came Logan’s voice, loud and clear-
“Dude, Angelina Jolie is so much hotter than Halle Berry.”
On the screen was their whole group from prom night, the girls talking amongst themselves while Alicia focused on Wallace and Logan. “Wallace, baby, let me get a good look at you.”
Wallace grinned, embarrassed, at Logan, who smirked and quickly looked away. “Ma, come on.”
“Wallace! It’s prom night- you need something to show your grand kids.”
Now, Wallace was appalled, and Logan choked on his laughter off-camera. “Mom, for God’s sake...”
“My boy’s all grown up...”
Jackie screamed with laughter over the look on Wallace’s face, and Veronica even managed a laugh as Alicia’s hand appeared, wiping away lipstick from his cheek. She pulled back and now Jackie was hugging Wallace, while Logan fixed his tie.
“Everyone together!” Alicia ordered off-camera.
“God, I swear, this happened in that Bill Murray movie.” Logan muttered, shaking his head as the girls gathered around him and Wallace.
Veronica and Jackie laughed as Alicia reprimanded Logan loudly, the laughter growing at the sight of Logan’s flummoxed, slightly terrified face. The group pulled together, everyone talking loudly about college and graduation and just how great Cora’s hair looked, as Alicia zoomed out, getting everyone in.
Veronica’s laughter faded as she focused on Logan, just off in the corner. He wasn’t participating in the loud banter or looking even remotely happy, in fact, he was rubbing his brow roughly, and openly cringing.
She watched herself grab his arm...and watched him pull away ever so slightly. The Veronica on the television didn’t seem to notice, instead going over to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She watched Logan hesitate, then hug her loosely, planting a disquieted kiss on her head.
“What’s wrong with him?” She asked before she could stop herself, her eyes locked on the Logan on screen, forcing a smile as Alicia filmed. “He...he winced when I touched him, did you see that?” She let out a shaky breath. “But- he...he was happy. All night, he was happy.” She said the last word firmly, more for her benefit than Jackie’s.
“He’s a fabulous actor.” Jackie murmured, her eyes narrowing as Logan allowed himself a moment of what could only be described as nausea, before the mask of happiness and excitement slipped back over his face.
Suddenly, the television went black, and Jackie threw down the remote, turning to Veronica. She grinned, giving her a shrug. “Whatever. It’s not like we saw the whole context of the tape, right?” She smacked Veronica’s knee, jumping to her feet. She gave Veronica a sympathetic smile as she slowly climbed to her feet. “Come on, let’s go shopping. I’m paying.”
* * * * *
Logan stared out at the passing buildings in the rented limo, courtesy of Cliff McCormack. Next to him, Cliff was busying himself with a couple of files, the only sounds being the click of his pen as he absently snapped it. Logan was tempted to snatch the pen out of his hand, but rethought it, understanding that specific action wouldn’t convince his lawyer that he was trying to change his ways.
“Meredith Rowley wants to speak with you.” He finally said, closing the files. “She’s willing to represent you for your murder trial, to take you off my hands. Since she’s already representing your father-”
“I already told her,” Logan murmured, leaning back in his seat. “No.”
“You know, Logan, you’re not exactly helping me convince the public you’re an upstanding citizen.” Cliff glanced at Logan’s bruised hands, shaking his head. “I can safely say I hate you right now.”
Logan sighed, staring at the ceiling. “Dude, it’s not like I asked to get in this mess. It just happened.”
“Yes. It just happened like you just happened to get into all those fights during the school year. It just happened like you just happened to organize bum fights. It just happened like you just happened to get into continuous altercations with Felix Toombs’ gang. This will all come up during your trial.”
He glanced at Cliff, his jaw clenching. “What if I can prove someone else did it? What if I can get them to confess? The charges would be dropped right?”
“Of course.”
“All right.”
Cliff shoved his files into his briefcase. “Your father wants you to testify for him, and you’ve already waived that option...we gave you the chance to testify against your father, and you’ve refused.” He slammed his pen down in the case, slamming it shut. “Why do you hate compliancy?”
Logan simply shrugged.
He nodded. “No wonder you’re becoming an actor. Cocky and difficult. At least you’ll be more loved than Russell Crowe.”
A small smile came on Logan’s face. “Wanna adopt me?”
“Honestly, no.”
His smile faded, nodding quickly as he returned his gaze to the window, his eyes drifting up to the sky. He slouched in his seat, legs bobbing rapidly. “How’s Veronica?” He asked quietly.
“She’s fine.” Cliff sighed, placing his briefcase on his lap. “Quiet. Sad. But, she’s fine.”
“Yeah...” He frowned ever-so-slightly, shifting his gaze to his lap. “Just between you and me, why did you call me after all this time? Was it out of the goodness of your heart or did you just want to chat about which tie to wear today?”
Cliff smirked, nodding. “Very funny, kid. I called you because Keith made me.” He glanced at Logan, giving him a knowing look. “He prefers his daughter to date someone not going to jail, so we’re going to try to move this along as quickly as possible so he won’t call me at three in the morning ever again.”
Logan’s head turned sharply in Cliff’s direction, his eyes wide. “Keith made you?”
A raised eyebrow. “Did I stutter?” He absorbed Logan’s shock before continuing on. Business was to be discussed “When you go inside, you are to keep the chat simple. I will be right outside if you want to leave the conversation.” A long pause. “No talking about your trial or his, nor about that damn tape burning thing that you oh-so-conveniently forgot to tell me about. You don’t talk about Veronica, about Lilly or Duncan Kane-”
“What if I don’t want to see him?”
“You don’t have to. You’re eighteen, Logan, it’s your choice to make. It’s up to you, we can turn this car around.”
An hour later, Logan was at the County Correctional Facility, sitting in front of at least three inches of bulletproof glass, observing the black phone in his hand. His nose wrinkled as he made a mental note to wash his hands with bleach when he got back to the suite.
His head jerked up at the movement on the other side of the glass. Aaron sat down in front of him, giving him a disconsolate grin as he picked up the phone, staring at Logan. “Hello, son.” The smallest of smiles came upon his worn face.
Aaron stared at Logan, and Logan stared back, keeping one hand underneath the table, the other clutching the phone tightly and desperately trying to stop the shaking. His father’s gaze shifted to his hand and Logan could’ve sworn his knuckles were turning white.
Hate didn’t even begin to describe what he felt at that moment. Fear, however, was a good enough word. He wondered how pathetic that made him, still scared of his father even though he couldn’t touch him. It was the stare, those eyes. He was momentarily happy he had gotten his mother’s eyes, and didn’t have to stare into his when he looked in the mirror every morning.
“Dad.” He managed, clearing his throat when he heard the shake in his voice.
At that moment, he realized how much he wanted Veronica there with him. To hold his hand, to glare at his father when she felt Logan get nervous, to grab the phone out of Logan’s hand before slamming it down and dragging him out of there. To just be with him when it was all over, still strong. His Valkyrie. His little warrior woman.
Aaron smiled slowly, still the perfect father. “You look good. Really good. I heard about your little play...I’m so proud.” A slight chuckle. “I’m too excited, I’m sorry. How are you? How’s school?”
Logan sighed, unable to force himself to get relaxed. He put a bright grin on his face, making his eyes light up. “Just grand. I joined the glee club, am now captain of the football team, and just gave my main squeeze my letterman jacket.”
His smile faded, and he shook his head in faint exasperation. “C’mon, Logan...stop being a brat.”
Logan’s staged grin disappeared completely, and he leaned forward. “You killed my girlfriend, pops.”
“No, I didn’t.” Aaron said firmly, fixing a hard stare on Logan.
He ignored his father’s last statement, scowling. “You tried to kill my other girlfriend.”
“That was an error in judgement.” He glanced over his shoulder at the guard leaning against the wall. “Are you still with Veronica?”
“That’s none of your business.” Logan said sharply.
He smiled slightly, a knowing look filling his eyes. “Are you in love, son?” A dreamy sigh. “I remember when your mother and I were first dating, she was so beautiful...Veronica reminds me of her. I loved-”
Logan’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me, I had no idea we were having dinner at home- do you KNOW where we are? We’re in a jail- YOU’RE here for killing my girlfriend. Remember?”
“I’m just trying to have a conversation with my only son- is that so wrong?”
“After you screwed and killed his girlfriend, YEAH, it is.”
Aaron’s glare stopped Logan cold. “Don’t you take that tone with me, Logan. I’m just trying to be a good father to you- I pay your bills, keep filling up that damn credit card of yours, I read all the articles about your play- what else do you want of me?”
Logan laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You know, I really wanted you to not kill Lilly...not trying to kill Veronica is a close second.”
“I didn’t-”
“DON’T.” Logan inhaled sharply, locking eyes with his father. “You’re such a wonderful dad...so awesome. Father of the Year.” He sneered.
Aaron’s jaw clenched. “I’ve made mistakes, I know this. But your mother would’ve wanted-”
“Don’t you dare bring mom into this.” Logan said coldly.
“Logan,” Aaron tried again, slowly and with his tone measured. “Meredith is a good lawyer, maybe she can convince you-”
“No.”
“Logan, this is my money at work-”
He shook his head again, incapable of keeping the disgust off his face. “Keep your damn money. Cut me off, I don’t care.”
Unable to keep the anger out of his voice any longer, Aaron leaned forward, determined. “Listen to me, you little punk-”
“You killed mom, you killed Lilly, and you killed me.” Logan snapped, sliding his chair back. “I hope you fucking burn.” He stood, throwing down the phone. Without another look, he turned, walking out of the dimly lit room.
* * * * *
“C’mon, Frankie, give it to me...”
Veronica turned the page of her dog-eared copy of The Odyssey, glancing up to watch Frankie the lawyer-slash-serial philanderer walk up the stairs of the Camelot. She lifted her camera, snapping a quick picture, and waited for the door to open. Frankie was taking his sweet time, fixing his tie and blue dress shirt.
Slowly, the door opened, and Veronica lifted her camera, getting ready for the money shot. A blonde, smiling woman who wasn’t Mrs. Frankie appeared. Bingo. She smirked as her camera clicked, capturing Frankie’s cheating ways permanently. One more piece of scum down, and she was about two grand richer.
Right then, she made a promise to herself to spend the money on normal things for once. A dress for graduation, college textbooks, new clothes, make-up.
Sighing, she slouched in her seat, ignoring the fact that her brand new denim miniskirt, courtesy of Jackie, was now riding up her thighs. She didn’t know what she was thinking, allowing Jackie to convince her she would look great in a skirt that barely covered her thighs. Now, with all that money she could almost feel in her hands, she could at least pay Jackie back for the three outfits and two pairs of shoes that she bought her.
It began drizzling, big, fat drops hitting her windshield. Just what she needed, she thought dryly as she watched the rain fall harder now, hitting her car in loud clangs. The weather to match her mood. Mother Nature was definitely paying attention.
It was almost two o’clock in the morning, the last time she checked. Luckily, it was a Friday, and she didn’t have to force herself to go to school the next day.
Observing the shadows of Frankie and Not-Frankie’s-Wife doing tawdry things that she didn’t even want to think about, Veronica let out a huff, straightening up abruptly. She decided that she had enough, collecting her things and shoving them into her bag.
She started her car, backing out of her parking spot and pulling out, heading for her apartment. She drove slowly, knowing that getting a call about his only daughter being in a car accident would probably ruin her father’s trip.
Halfway home, she picked up her cell phone, speed-dialing Logan’s number. She had to suck it up and just talk to him. Even if he hung up on her, she could at least say she tried. Being the dumped party made this phone call just a bit more pathetic, but she knew she had to, just because he wasn’t.
Her cell was gripped tighter as she realized she didn’t know what she was going to say if he answered. I’m sorry? You’re still an asshole? Stop being stupid? Tell me you love me? She figured hanging up wasn’t an option, not in this day of Caller ID.
“This is Logan with today’s inspirational message: I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and love today- William Allen White. Leave yours.”
Veronica shook her head, sighing as she threw her phone in her bag. One week since they last spoke. One week since Logan had more or less thrown away everything, all in the name of blind justice. No, revenge. All in the name of revenge. All that drama during the year and all she got out of it was a taped message.
Yes, she could safely say she hated him a little bit more now.
She pulled into a free spot just to the right of the stairs, not caring whether she was inside the lines or not. Gathering her stuff, she flung the door open, climbing out and immediately getting drenched. She shut her eyes tightly, allowing the cold water to do its job before slamming the door shut, racing for the building.
Veronica jogged up the stairs, wanting to get out of the rain. She was going to take off her clothes, change into her pajamas, curl up with Backup and listen to mopey music. Maybe she would call Wallace at four, giving him the ultimate wake-up call of whining and bitching.
Lightning flashed and she cursed herself for jumping as she reached the porch. She stopped in her tracks, seeing Logan there, sitting on the floor, his back against the railing. Sunglasses covered his eyes, and he was the epitome of a tortured teenager. Black jeans, black button-down plaid shirt, and a black denim jacket. All that was completely visible in the darkness was the flashing silver of his flask, dangling in his hand.
Two o’clock in the morning, this was so fucking like him.
“Logan.” She said, sharper than she had intended.
“Veronica Mars,” He replied dully, letting out a weary sigh. Rain hit his face, sliding down his cheeks like tears too scared to fall from his eyes. He tilted the flask between the bars, the rain hitting the metal almost musically.
“Are you drunk?”
“Unfortunately, no. Not much.” He sighed again, feeling all the pain he had coursing through his body at the mere movement. He was now convinced that emotional pain could become physical. “Where have you been?”
Veronica’s eyes narrowed, watching him carefully. He definitely wasn’t sober, at least not completely. Even as she stood in front of him, hugging herself tightly, he still continued to sit there, staring either at her or beyond her, she wasn’t sure. “Excuse me?”
“It’s, like, almost two-thirty. Where have you been?”
“Where have you?” There it was, that accusatory tone. She hoped he detected it and she hoped that it hurt him even more.
“I asked you first.” He said sharply.
“What- are we twelve?”
He sighed yet again, climbing to his feet. “Veronica Mars, how I hate you.” He muttered, shoving his flask in his jacket pocket as he took a couple of steps toward her. He stood there in front of her, sunglasses still obscuring his eyes.
Veronica reached over, pulling off his shades, surprised at how red his eyes were, how watery they were. For a moment, she felt a sense of pity for him, only to be overwhelmed by the heat in his gaze. Sadness, yes, but there was something else there. Intense, always intense.
He made no attempt to look away, keeping his eyes on hers. She still looked beautiful, soaked to the bone, her hair hanging in her eyes, that frown now almost permanent. He gently reached over, claiming his sunglasses, his fingers brushing over hers.
She jerked away at his touch, turning her back on him. Pulling her keys out of her bag, she opened the door, letting out a shaky breath. “Come inside. It’s raining.” She said simply, holding the door open.
Logan hung back, eyeing the door. “Your dad?”
“He’s gone for a couple of days. He had a case in Los Angeles...” She trailed off, her head lowering. “You’re such an asshole, Logan.”
“I know.”
“I hate you for what you did.”
“I know, baby.”
His reply was so quiet and almost pitiful, the way his voice shook on that last word...she had to turn, staring up at him. He looked a bit sickly, like he hadn’t slept in days. “Come in.” She whispered.
Logan followed Veronica inside, glancing around as she locked the door behind her. Backup slept on the couch, not alert enough to acknowledge either of them. She dropped her bag to the floor, ripping off her leather jacket and hanging it on the doorknob. He turned his head, staring at her questioningly before she nodded, more to herself than to him. He opened his mouth to speak and she was off, walking to her bedroom.
He waited for her to say something, and when she never did, he followed, standing at the door as she leaned over, pulling off her boots. His eyes panned up her legs, wondering where the hell she got a skirt that short and why she was wearing it. For who she was wearing it for- was she already moving on? Was this really it?
Deciding he didn’t want to know the answer, he walked into her room, moving past her towards her bookshelf. He glanced down at her table, stopping on a picture of himself and Veronica, taken during the summer of hell. Both smiling, cheek to cheek, unaware of what would happen by the time autumn came.
He tapped the top of the picture frame that held Lilly’s frozen, smiling image. Forever young, forever gorgeous, forever gone. He sighed, gazing down into her still eyes. “You’re an aunt,” He murmured sadly, before suddenly straightening up as logic and reality crashed into him for just a moment. Duncan raising a child, he was sure Duncan didn’t even know how to prepare toast. “Holy shit, she’s going to be SO fucked up.”
“Who?”
Logan shook his head, waving her off. “Nothing.”
Veronica watched Logan as he continued to inspect the pictures on her table. “I got into Hearst.” She said quietly.
Logan looked up, smiling shortly. “Good. Congrats.” His eyes fell on her bare legs for a moment, before he quickly looked away. “I’m happy for you.”
She nodded, letting out a sharp breath. That one gaze was enough to heat her up...and it told her he still found her alluring. At least her attractiveness wasn’t what was making him so pain stricken in that video. That was a plus. “I’m...I’m going to take a year off, though. Work a bit, save some money...like poor people do.”
“What is this thing you call work?” Logan deadpanned as he stumbled over to her CD player, inspecting her discs. After a long pause, he took a disc out of its case, putting it in the player. A moment later, a guitar riff filled the room. “I had no idea you listened to Led Zeppelin.” He scanned the CD cover. “Whole lotta love...”
“It’s dad’s. He’s been trying to school me in what he calls good rock.”
“Huh.”
Veronica pulled at her wet shirt, suddenly feeling uncomfortable but thankful that the shirt was black. Logan felt decidedly less so, dripping water onto her carpet, and not even bothering to take off his shoes. It was then she felt the tension in the room, all the hurt and pain.
“Why are you here?” She said quietly, her arms dropping to her sides.
A long, excruciating pause. “Buying time. I have to meet Weevil in...” He trailed off, nodding. “I can’t stop.”
She nodded grimly, not looking at him. “I don’t want to know. I don’t care.”
“All right.”
Veronica pushed her wet hair out of her eyes, nodding in return. The tension in the room seemed to soar, and she prayed that they wouldn’t get into another fight. She couldn’t take another fight. Not now. If they did, she knew it would be over, for good.
Logan set down Lilly’s picture and moved toward Veronica, not noticing as the picture tottered, then fell face down. He stopped just short of her, shaking his head helplessly. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Mars.”
Something ached in her heart, and she inhaled, trying to gather strength. “Then don’t, you idiot.”
Silently, there were no words left, Logan leaned down, kissing Veronica softly. She refused for only a moment before returning the kiss. They didn’t touch until his hand fumbled, clasping her hand in his awkwardly. She rested her hand on his arm as his hands moved to her waist, gently pulling her to him. His hands started to drift under her shirt, feeling cold, wet skin and it was then she gasped, sending a jolt through him, like electricity.
Veronica pulled away, shaking her head. Her heart was racing, pounding against her chest, and she realized just how bad she still wanted this, all of it. And just how much this was a bad idea. “Stop.”
His eyes narrowed in confusion. “What- you’ve been wanting me to do this for months, and now you don’t want to?”
She resisted the urge to call him an asshole again, pulling down her shirt. “I’m still mad, Logan. It’s the wrong time, okay?” She opened her mouth, but he kissed her again, working his tongue in her mouth. She moaned against him, feeling his hands move under her shirt once more, his hands hot against her skin.
Logan managed to pull her against him, getting her arms around his shoulders awkwardly as he kissed her deeply. She returned the kiss just as heatedly and he rejoiced, his fingers digging into her waist as the kiss intensified. It was too much now, all of it crashing together- heat, passion, love, lust- and Logan couldn’t help himself for wanting to melt into her right then and there.
He started to push her shirt up, nearly groaning in frustration when she pulled away yet again. His mouth tried to capture hers again, and her hand was against his chest, pushing him back ever so slightly. “Tell me you love me.” She said breathlessly, her eyes dark with lust.
“I love you.” Before the last word left his mouth, she was pushing off his jacket, letting it drop to the floor as she forced his mouth onto hers. His hands tugged at her shirt, yanking it over her head and she helped, throwing it to the side before jerking him to her again, getting him in an awkward but emotional embrace.
This was it, Veronica decided as they stumbled back, looking for anything to support them. This was it, she could feel it. No turning back. She was ready.
Years of friendship, hate, lust, love, and back again, all accumulating to this, the only natural conclusion. Making out like the teenagers they were, wet clothes being removed like their lives depended on it and she managed to discard his shirt, allowing it to join his jacket on the floor.
He pushed her against the wall, his hands already pulling up her skirt. It slipped easily up her hips, and he tugged until it gathered at her waist before grabbing her hips, pulling her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her mouth falling on his as his hands groped and roamed freely, getting a gasp out of her.
Soon, flesh against flesh, it was a blur of moans and sweat and rain and hands. Darkness and memories and lightning and pain and panting and groans and quick, awkward kisses. Messy and clumsy and not at all like how they show it in the movies, nothing like it. Nothing was making sense and there should’ve been a condom somewhere in this scenario but she didn’t recall much after she hit the wall.
Too rough and not rough enough, her nails dug into his back but not enough to cut, he bit her shoulder but not enough to break. All she knows is that it was different than when she was with Duncan, not bad but different, so very different...
Veronica tried to understand what sort of irony it was that she was almost violently, passionately, heatedly, making love- no, fucking- her boyfriend against the wall of her bedroom to the sounds of Led Zeppelin. Certainly, this was not what her father had in mind when he lent her his CD.
Minutes or hours passed- Veronica wasn’t sure anymore and just didn’t care. All she cared about was the here and now, the fact that Logan was back in her arms. He was back in a drastically different way, but he was still there. He wasn’t gone. He was still with her and she wasn’t going to let him go again. Not without a fight.
After it was all over, a lamp was broken, and one of her posters was ripped from when she clutched at the wall. Or maybe it was when Logan’s hand hit the wall. She wasn’t sure anymore. They were apart now, she leaning against the wall, adjusting her clothes as he put his on a couple of feet away.
Logan buttoned his shirt over his torso, letting out a sigh as Veronica’s arms wrapped around him from behind. She rubbed her forehead against his back, and his arm wound around, holding her closer. “I have to go, baby.” He whispered as she slipped around until they were face to face. He brushed her hair from her eyes, shaking his head. “I have to go.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I do. I want to stay, but I have to go.” He rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. “I really didn’t want our first time to be like that, Veronica.”
She smiled ever-so-slightly, nodding. “It’s okay...it was good. Really good. We can make with the sweet later.” She pulled away as he opened his eyes, giving him the best comforting smile she could manage. “We have time.”
“All the time in the world.” He whispered, relieved that they didn’t have to go through the discussion as to whether they were a couple again. Veronica seemed to already assume they were, and he wasn’t about to argue with her.
She planted a soft kiss on his chin, running her hands over his chest, smiling as he sighed. “You like that?”
“Yes. Stop.” He grabbed her wrists, holding her still. “I promise...I’m going to be better.” He said seriously, staring into her eyes. “I’m going to try to be better for you after this. I promise.”
Veronica smiled slowly, reveling in the joy she felt at those words. It was all she wanted to hear. “Thank you.”
He nodded, pulling away from her reluctantly. Leaning over, he kissed her softly, his lips lingering on hers before pulling away completely. He picked up his jacket, shrugging it on as he headed for the door, running a hand through his damp hair.
“Logan.”
He turned, staring at her expectantly.
Veronica stared at Logan, her Logan, and felt something ache within her. Scared didn’t even begin to describe how she was feeling at the moment. Right then, he was there and alive and in one piece, but after all this was over...
Instead of begging him again, instead of yelling and screaming and sobbing, she settled on a simple, quiet- “Come back to me.”
“I always do.” He replied drearily before walking out of her bedroom.
Epilogue - Three Weeks Later
“You know, I paid a lot of money for that dinner...”
“Hey, you just got lucky, are you complaining?”
“No, but we’re so eating that food before it gets stale.” Logan grinned, running his hands down Veronica’s bare back as she kissed and licked his neck.
It wasn’t a bad way to spend graduation day, an exhausting day ending with his girl at the Neptune Grand. The icing on the cake was that she was completely naked in his bed, sitting on his lap and doing indecent things to his neck. He couldn’t have asked for a better graduation present if Angelina Jolie walked in, asking to join in.
“That food was so expensive...”
Veronica lifted her head with a laugh, staring at him in disbelief. “You are the biggest baby- we graduated, my friend-with-benefits! My dad is okay with us being together! You just got laid- WHAT are you complaining about?”
“Not a bad way to spend graduation night.” Logan murmured in agreement, kissing Veronica’s cheek gently. His hands brushed over her stomach, and she quickly moved it away, stiffening up. He didn’t notice, his hands traveling over her thighs. “Getting our diplomas, lunch with your dad, crashing Madison’s 09er party with our misfit peeps,” She smiled slightly, and he inhaled before continuing. “And gourmet food intercepted by a sex-a-thon- I love it.” He bit her shoulder faintly, slowly lifting his hips.
Veronica let out a slight laugh, closing her eyes. “Okay, we really need to stop.” She said breathlessly, pushing her damp hair off her face.
“For this to end, you’re going to have to get off me.” Logan said matter-of-factly, running his hands down her thighs and drumming his fingers against her skin.
She slid off, pulling the blankets over her sweaty body. “This can get disgusting quick- we need to shower.”
“Later. Sleep now.” She gave him a look, and he chuckled. “Mars, you wore me out. Three times...I really need to sleep- I have to be up at six tomorrow morning.”
“Excuse me, it’s one in the morning- it is tomorrow.”
“Exactly.” He kissed her softly, pulling her against his chest and wrapping the remaining blankets around his body. “I’m exhausted.”
Her smile faded slowly. “But I’m not going to see you for a long time, Logan.”
“Don’t be dramatic. I’m just going for the weekend, I’ll see you on Monday. We’ll have most of the summer, until we gotta go back for orientation.”
“Long distance relationships never work.”
“Don’t say that.” He whispered against her skin. “I’ll come back to Neptune when I can, and you can come up to San Diego to visit Wallace and I. No big deal. It’s only for a semester, right?” He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. “We can just relax now.”
Relaxing is what she intended to do. The battle between Logan and the PCHers was officially over. It was over, the ankle monitor was gone, the charges dropped, and another person- Thumper- was in police custody. Yet, true to her word, she didn’t want to know how it had all happened.
She really didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know how Logan got those still healing wounds on his back and stomach, she didn’t want to know how Weevil broke his arm, she didn’t want to know how the two managed to get Thumper to confess to killing Felix. She didn’t want to know how they figured out Thumper had forced the rest of the group to lie.
She just didn’t want to know.
Veronica flung the door open, sun peeking in and momentarily blinding her. There was Logan, bloodied, beaten, and swaying, but standing. His black shirt was spotted with blood, some his, some not, and there was a rip at one of the sleeves.
They stared at each other silently, Logan’s mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to find the words while looking into her eyes. His jaw clenched before the tears could fall, and he nodded quickly. “It’s over.” He said hoarsely.
Veronica wordlessly flung herself into his arms, not noticing as he flinched but still held her tight. They stood there for seconds, minutes, hours, holding each other, not wanting to let go.
She would later learn from Carmen that Thumper had lied to the other PCHers about certain things, that he was trying to overthrow Weevil. Hector, betrayed and angry, had led the pack of old school PCHers in beating Thumper. However, no one had anticipated the newer PCHers, who fully believed that rules and order were not needed in a gang.
That was when it got ugly, but she didn’t want to know.
“First, answer this, and this is really important...” He paused dramatically, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. “How was it? I mean, three times- I know I’m good, but damn-”
She nudged him with her elbow and he laughed, pulling her closer to him. “I am pleasantly sore, if that answers your question.” She smiled slightly. “I know you were just being nice by making a show, so you’re going to have to be my teacher. I am a willing student, Logan Echolls, so don’t-” She frowned, glancing over her shoulder. “Logan?”
He kissed her cheek gently before rolling his eyes. “Before, I could never get you to talk, and now you won’t shut up, can’t we just enjoy the moment?”
She nodded, attempting to wrap his arms tighter around her body. She opened her mouth, wanting to tell him about this new problem possibly gestating in her. Needing to tell him. Her mouth closed as she realized she couldn’t tell him, especially if it wasn’t even certain. She needed to be sure before she destroyed his life. Both of their lives.
Veronica’s eyes closed and she exhaled, feeling the start of a deep sleep taking over her. The first in what seemed like years of barely resting. Now, she was able to.
“Veronica...”
Veronica’s eyes shot open and her head lifted, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Lilly?” Her name was repeated, and she slid out of the bed carefully, taking a blanket with her and walking out of Logan’s bedroom. There, in the living room area, was Lilly Kane, illuminating a certain contentment that she was sure only came with death.
Lilly grinned at Veronica, her green pep squad uniform impeccably clean, all blood and brain residue gone from her head. Her golden hair shined in the dimness of the suite. She gave Veronica a quick wave, then gestured her over. “Miss me?”
“Always.” Veronica whispered, wrapping the blanket even tighter around her body.
A wicked grin came on Lilly’s face. “Didn’t I tell you Logan was excellent in bed? The guy knows how to use his-”
“Lilly....”
Her eyes widened innocently. “What? I’m totally happy for you two. He’s no fun when he’s mopey.” She frowned slightly. “It’s going to be hard, you know that?”
Veronica nodded slightly, her jaw clenching. “Yes.”
Lilly nodded, sighing. “Tough times are coming, you know.” Her eyes met Veronica’s, the gaze freezing Veronica. “He won’t be able to handle it.”
“Handle what?”
“You’ll see.” She shrugged. “Logan has the most awesome track record of destroying everything he loves- you’ll be no different.” Her eyes widened. “Hey- are you going to tell him?”
Veronica laughed slightly, not willing to let Lilly’s words get to her. “I don’t even know if it’s actually happening, Lilly.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?! Get it done!” She smiled, excited. “It’s totally okay to be scared, you know. I wouldn’t be, but you can.”
“I’m so scared.” Veronica admitted with a laugh. “It was an accident.”
“Yeah, well, so was my sucky death, but you don’t see me bitching about it.” She bit her lip, sighing. “He just might surprise you, Veronica Mars. He does that a lot.”
Veronica stared at Lilly, somehow feeling like this moment was about to end. “I love you, Lilly.” She whispered suddenly.
She smiled sadly, her head tilting to the side. “Aw...don’t get all mushy on me.” She looked over her shoulder into Logan’s bedroom. “It’s time to wake up, now, Veronica Mars.”
Veronica’s eyes shot open, and she lifted her head, glancing at the clock on the end table. She had been asleep for two hours. Lilly’s words repeated in her mind, over and over, and she shook her head, pushing them aside. It was the first time she had dreamt of Lilly in ages, and she could honestly say that it wasn’t the way she thought it would be.
Turning on her back, her eyes fell on Logan, still sleeping soundly next to her. She thought about what Lilly said, and realized with great sadness that she was probably right. Logan loved her, of this she was sure, but she knew that somehow, it would all never be perfect. Complete happiness was definitely not for them.
She stared at him and knew immediately that he wouldn’t change. That every moment he would try to become a better person would be struck down by several instances of him fucking up royally. She also knew a part of her didn’t want him to change. She loved the fire and danger that lingered in his eyes, his touch, and she knew it would slip away if she forced him to become what she wanted. It would slip away if she told him about the accident.
He would be gone in less than seven hours, and she didn’t want to let him go without doing or saying something to keep a part of him there in Neptune. Something to force him to come back. Those three words were never coming out of her mouth, and she wasn’t telling him her other news until she was absolutely certain, so she had to settle for the next best thing.
“Logan...” She whispered as she sat up, kissing his neck. His eyes slowly opened, and he blinked rapidly, getting her in focus. He was almost awake, concern filling his eyes as he waited for her to speak. “Make love to me.” He nodded, understanding, and slowly slid on top of her, that lust already filling his eyes again.
Their lips met once more tenderly, too caught up in the moment to notice Veronica’s cell phone vibrating on the night stand, quietly informing them that she had a call coming in from Duncan Kane.
END
Title: La Douleur Exquise! (15 & Epilogue/15)
Author: Me
Pairing/Character: Logan, Veronica, Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica
Word Count: 7793
Rating: Very strong R (language, non-graphic sex implied)
Summary: Years of friendship, hate, lust, love, and back again, all accumulating to this, the only natural conclusion.
Spoilers/Warnings: Only up to "One Angry Veronica" (spoiler-wise). However, this story takes place after "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen
Now...
One week. One long, agonizing week.
It was safe to say Veronica was in a miserable, miserable place.
Logan hadn’t made his presence known to her since their fight at the suite. No phone call, no appearances at lunch, no e-mails, nothing. The only reason she knew he was still coming to school to hand in final assignments and prepare for final exams was because Wallace told her he showed up for Mr. Wu’s class. In fact, it appeared that Logan was showing up only for necessary classes, no one saw him any other time.
She had busied herself by cramming for final exams, taking small cases, working at the Hut, and digging into the mystery witness who got Logan arrested a second time. A plastic surgeon. Already, something was fishy about it all, and she was going to get to the bottom of it, even if Logan didn’t want her help.
At the moment, she sat by herself at a lunch table, jabbing her fork absently into her Salisbury steak, watching students and teachers walk by. All she saw was the various couples roaming the lunch area, holding hands, kissing, gazing into each other’s eyes- she slowly became mad at herself for feeling jealous, and just a bit upset.
She wished he would just call her.
Jackie slammed down her lunch tray in front of Veronica, sliding into the bench. “I am SO over high school, it’s not even funny.” She announced loudly, opening her bottle of water. “Finals suck, UCSD won’t stop e-mailing me, and I spilled nail polish on my jeans. Add on to that the fact that my loving, attentive boyfriend has just ditched me for a bunch of loud, sweaty guys, and my day officially sucks.”
She glanced at Veronica, who continued to stare at her in a slight state of shock. “What? We can’t lunch together?” She shrugged, digging her fork into her salad. “That’s what friends do.”
Veronica slowly smiled, looking down at her plate of what now had to be dog food. Yes, lunching together was what friends did. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for a new best girl friend, for someone ready and willing to replace Lilly, but she was certain that she could at least make the effort. “I guess that is.”
Jackie chewed her food, watching Veronica carefully as her food remained untouched. “So, you and Logan are really over, huh?”
Veronica’s eyes lifted, a dull acceptance filling her gaze. “Logan told you.”
“Of course he did.” She shook her head sympathetically. “Right after prom, that really sucks.”
Veronica was quiet for a long moment. She remembered the only time they had been in the same room was after Wallace’s basketball game four days ago, she managed to catch his retreating back after giving Jackie a kiss goodbye. She had silently cursed herself for coming to the game late, and Jackie had attempted some damage control by informing her that he had briefly asked how she was.
She decided to return the favor. “How is he?”
“Not so good.” Jackie shrugged. “You know how he gets.”
“He’s been ignoring me.” Veronica said quietly, her eyes lowering to her food once more.
“He thinks you’re still pissed off. And I think he’s a bit angry at himself, too.”
“Is he still doing that thing with Weevil?” Jackie gave a short nod, and Veronica’s jaw clenched. Stupid, stupid, stupid...
“Wow, Veronica...” Madison purred as she walked past, stopping to give Veronica an conspicuously fake smile. “Two months, that’s, like, a new record for you, isn’t it?”
“Thanks for the concern, Madison.” Veronica said curtly, giving her a glare. It was definitely not the time for the Wicked Witch to play games with her, not while she had her pocket knife in her bag, and her perfectly coifed hair was so close.
“I mean, wow.” She continued, ignoring Veronica’s reply. “Right after prom, too. How long do you think it’s gonna take Logan to get over you? A week? Maybe two?” She glanced over her shoulder at a table of freshman girls nearby. “I’m sure he could find some young chippies to keep him entertained.”
“Madison-”
“Are you finished?” Jackie interrupted, scowling at Madison. “I mean, don’t you have anything better to do than pick on people? Your life must be so damn miserable- no wonder everyone hates you.”
“Excuse me, I wasn’t talking to-”
“Yeah, I don’t care. You’re so concerned about other people’s business, why don’t you look into why Dick won’t date you again? Or maybe why you need to cake on all that make-up to make yourself look middle-class, straight out of Ohio pretty because you know you’re not the model you like to think you are?” She took a deep breath from her rushed tirade before continuing. “Why you need to put all those chemicals on your eyes and in your hair to look half as good as Veronica, here?”
Madison was at a loss for words, glaring at Jackie. Finally, she spun on her heels and stomped off toward the 09er table, and Jackie waved her away with a flourish. She rolled her eyes, turning back to Veronica.. “God, I hate her.”
She stood abruptly, smiling as Veronica stared at her, stunned. “What? I’ve got your back.” She flung her bag over her shoulder. “Come on, let’s cut class and go hang out at my house, since Wallace has gone all Brokeback.” A pause. “We have to take your car, Wallace has the keys to mine.”
Wordlessly, still in too much shock to properly answer, Veronica jumped to her feet, gathering her things and rushing after a determined Jackie toward the parking lot. “Are you crazy?”
“Define crazy.” Jackie said with a smirk, stopping in front of Veronica’s car. She giggled as Veronica opened her door, climbing in before opening the passenger side. She climbed in, giving Veronica a bright smile. “Girl, stop looking at me like that! We’re friends, whether you like it or not! Deal with it.”
An hour later, they were at Jackie’s home. Jackie’s father, dumbfounded at the fact that she was home at noon with Veronica Mars, had excused himself, escaping somewhere in the large house. Veronica sat on the large sofa, watching as Jackie rushed around, occasionally bringing over bowls of chips and popcorn.
Finally, she returned with two large sodas, handing one to Veronica and setting the other down on the coffee table. She grinned, slipping in front of Veronica. “Look what Wallace gave me,” She wiggled the tape in her face. “Ms. Fennel’s prom tape!”
Veronica sighed, for the first time realizing just how tired she really was. “Jackie, I don’t want to see that right now.”
“Come on, we looked fierce, Veronica.” Without waiting for a reply, she dashed over to the VCR, slipping in the tape and pressing play. Before she had made it to sit by Veronica, there came Logan’s voice, loud and clear-
“Dude, Angelina Jolie is so much hotter than Halle Berry.”
On the screen was their whole group from prom night, the girls talking amongst themselves while Alicia focused on Wallace and Logan. “Wallace, baby, let me get a good look at you.”
Wallace grinned, embarrassed, at Logan, who smirked and quickly looked away. “Ma, come on.”
“Wallace! It’s prom night- you need something to show your grand kids.”
Now, Wallace was appalled, and Logan choked on his laughter off-camera. “Mom, for God’s sake...”
“My boy’s all grown up...”
Jackie screamed with laughter over the look on Wallace’s face, and Veronica even managed a laugh as Alicia’s hand appeared, wiping away lipstick from his cheek. She pulled back and now Jackie was hugging Wallace, while Logan fixed his tie.
“Everyone together!” Alicia ordered off-camera.
“God, I swear, this happened in that Bill Murray movie.” Logan muttered, shaking his head as the girls gathered around him and Wallace.
Veronica and Jackie laughed as Alicia reprimanded Logan loudly, the laughter growing at the sight of Logan’s flummoxed, slightly terrified face. The group pulled together, everyone talking loudly about college and graduation and just how great Cora’s hair looked, as Alicia zoomed out, getting everyone in.
Veronica’s laughter faded as she focused on Logan, just off in the corner. He wasn’t participating in the loud banter or looking even remotely happy, in fact, he was rubbing his brow roughly, and openly cringing.
She watched herself grab his arm...and watched him pull away ever so slightly. The Veronica on the television didn’t seem to notice, instead going over to him and wrapping her arms around his waist. She watched Logan hesitate, then hug her loosely, planting a disquieted kiss on her head.
“What’s wrong with him?” She asked before she could stop herself, her eyes locked on the Logan on screen, forcing a smile as Alicia filmed. “He...he winced when I touched him, did you see that?” She let out a shaky breath. “But- he...he was happy. All night, he was happy.” She said the last word firmly, more for her benefit than Jackie’s.
“He’s a fabulous actor.” Jackie murmured, her eyes narrowing as Logan allowed himself a moment of what could only be described as nausea, before the mask of happiness and excitement slipped back over his face.
Suddenly, the television went black, and Jackie threw down the remote, turning to Veronica. She grinned, giving her a shrug. “Whatever. It’s not like we saw the whole context of the tape, right?” She smacked Veronica’s knee, jumping to her feet. She gave Veronica a sympathetic smile as she slowly climbed to her feet. “Come on, let’s go shopping. I’m paying.”
* * * * *
Logan stared out at the passing buildings in the rented limo, courtesy of Cliff McCormack. Next to him, Cliff was busying himself with a couple of files, the only sounds being the click of his pen as he absently snapped it. Logan was tempted to snatch the pen out of his hand, but rethought it, understanding that specific action wouldn’t convince his lawyer that he was trying to change his ways.
“Meredith Rowley wants to speak with you.” He finally said, closing the files. “She’s willing to represent you for your murder trial, to take you off my hands. Since she’s already representing your father-”
“I already told her,” Logan murmured, leaning back in his seat. “No.”
“You know, Logan, you’re not exactly helping me convince the public you’re an upstanding citizen.” Cliff glanced at Logan’s bruised hands, shaking his head. “I can safely say I hate you right now.”
Logan sighed, staring at the ceiling. “Dude, it’s not like I asked to get in this mess. It just happened.”
“Yes. It just happened like you just happened to get into all those fights during the school year. It just happened like you just happened to organize bum fights. It just happened like you just happened to get into continuous altercations with Felix Toombs’ gang. This will all come up during your trial.”
He glanced at Cliff, his jaw clenching. “What if I can prove someone else did it? What if I can get them to confess? The charges would be dropped right?”
“Of course.”
“All right.”
Cliff shoved his files into his briefcase. “Your father wants you to testify for him, and you’ve already waived that option...we gave you the chance to testify against your father, and you’ve refused.” He slammed his pen down in the case, slamming it shut. “Why do you hate compliancy?”
Logan simply shrugged.
He nodded. “No wonder you’re becoming an actor. Cocky and difficult. At least you’ll be more loved than Russell Crowe.”
A small smile came on Logan’s face. “Wanna adopt me?”
“Honestly, no.”
His smile faded, nodding quickly as he returned his gaze to the window, his eyes drifting up to the sky. He slouched in his seat, legs bobbing rapidly. “How’s Veronica?” He asked quietly.
“She’s fine.” Cliff sighed, placing his briefcase on his lap. “Quiet. Sad. But, she’s fine.”
“Yeah...” He frowned ever-so-slightly, shifting his gaze to his lap. “Just between you and me, why did you call me after all this time? Was it out of the goodness of your heart or did you just want to chat about which tie to wear today?”
Cliff smirked, nodding. “Very funny, kid. I called you because Keith made me.” He glanced at Logan, giving him a knowing look. “He prefers his daughter to date someone not going to jail, so we’re going to try to move this along as quickly as possible so he won’t call me at three in the morning ever again.”
Logan’s head turned sharply in Cliff’s direction, his eyes wide. “Keith made you?”
A raised eyebrow. “Did I stutter?” He absorbed Logan’s shock before continuing on. Business was to be discussed “When you go inside, you are to keep the chat simple. I will be right outside if you want to leave the conversation.” A long pause. “No talking about your trial or his, nor about that damn tape burning thing that you oh-so-conveniently forgot to tell me about. You don’t talk about Veronica, about Lilly or Duncan Kane-”
“What if I don’t want to see him?”
“You don’t have to. You’re eighteen, Logan, it’s your choice to make. It’s up to you, we can turn this car around.”
An hour later, Logan was at the County Correctional Facility, sitting in front of at least three inches of bulletproof glass, observing the black phone in his hand. His nose wrinkled as he made a mental note to wash his hands with bleach when he got back to the suite.
His head jerked up at the movement on the other side of the glass. Aaron sat down in front of him, giving him a disconsolate grin as he picked up the phone, staring at Logan. “Hello, son.” The smallest of smiles came upon his worn face.
Aaron stared at Logan, and Logan stared back, keeping one hand underneath the table, the other clutching the phone tightly and desperately trying to stop the shaking. His father’s gaze shifted to his hand and Logan could’ve sworn his knuckles were turning white.
Hate didn’t even begin to describe what he felt at that moment. Fear, however, was a good enough word. He wondered how pathetic that made him, still scared of his father even though he couldn’t touch him. It was the stare, those eyes. He was momentarily happy he had gotten his mother’s eyes, and didn’t have to stare into his when he looked in the mirror every morning.
“Dad.” He managed, clearing his throat when he heard the shake in his voice.
At that moment, he realized how much he wanted Veronica there with him. To hold his hand, to glare at his father when she felt Logan get nervous, to grab the phone out of Logan’s hand before slamming it down and dragging him out of there. To just be with him when it was all over, still strong. His Valkyrie. His little warrior woman.
Aaron smiled slowly, still the perfect father. “You look good. Really good. I heard about your little play...I’m so proud.” A slight chuckle. “I’m too excited, I’m sorry. How are you? How’s school?”
Logan sighed, unable to force himself to get relaxed. He put a bright grin on his face, making his eyes light up. “Just grand. I joined the glee club, am now captain of the football team, and just gave my main squeeze my letterman jacket.”
His smile faded, and he shook his head in faint exasperation. “C’mon, Logan...stop being a brat.”
Logan’s staged grin disappeared completely, and he leaned forward. “You killed my girlfriend, pops.”
“No, I didn’t.” Aaron said firmly, fixing a hard stare on Logan.
He ignored his father’s last statement, scowling. “You tried to kill my other girlfriend.”
“That was an error in judgement.” He glanced over his shoulder at the guard leaning against the wall. “Are you still with Veronica?”
“That’s none of your business.” Logan said sharply.
He smiled slightly, a knowing look filling his eyes. “Are you in love, son?” A dreamy sigh. “I remember when your mother and I were first dating, she was so beautiful...Veronica reminds me of her. I loved-”
Logan’s eyes narrowed. “Excuse me, I had no idea we were having dinner at home- do you KNOW where we are? We’re in a jail- YOU’RE here for killing my girlfriend. Remember?”
“I’m just trying to have a conversation with my only son- is that so wrong?”
“After you screwed and killed his girlfriend, YEAH, it is.”
Aaron’s glare stopped Logan cold. “Don’t you take that tone with me, Logan. I’m just trying to be a good father to you- I pay your bills, keep filling up that damn credit card of yours, I read all the articles about your play- what else do you want of me?”
Logan laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “You know, I really wanted you to not kill Lilly...not trying to kill Veronica is a close second.”
“I didn’t-”
“DON’T.” Logan inhaled sharply, locking eyes with his father. “You’re such a wonderful dad...so awesome. Father of the Year.” He sneered.
Aaron’s jaw clenched. “I’ve made mistakes, I know this. But your mother would’ve wanted-”
“Don’t you dare bring mom into this.” Logan said coldly.
“Logan,” Aaron tried again, slowly and with his tone measured. “Meredith is a good lawyer, maybe she can convince you-”
“No.”
“Logan, this is my money at work-”
He shook his head again, incapable of keeping the disgust off his face. “Keep your damn money. Cut me off, I don’t care.”
Unable to keep the anger out of his voice any longer, Aaron leaned forward, determined. “Listen to me, you little punk-”
“You killed mom, you killed Lilly, and you killed me.” Logan snapped, sliding his chair back. “I hope you fucking burn.” He stood, throwing down the phone. Without another look, he turned, walking out of the dimly lit room.
* * * * *
“C’mon, Frankie, give it to me...”
Veronica turned the page of her dog-eared copy of The Odyssey, glancing up to watch Frankie the lawyer-slash-serial philanderer walk up the stairs of the Camelot. She lifted her camera, snapping a quick picture, and waited for the door to open. Frankie was taking his sweet time, fixing his tie and blue dress shirt.
Slowly, the door opened, and Veronica lifted her camera, getting ready for the money shot. A blonde, smiling woman who wasn’t Mrs. Frankie appeared. Bingo. She smirked as her camera clicked, capturing Frankie’s cheating ways permanently. One more piece of scum down, and she was about two grand richer.
Right then, she made a promise to herself to spend the money on normal things for once. A dress for graduation, college textbooks, new clothes, make-up.
Sighing, she slouched in her seat, ignoring the fact that her brand new denim miniskirt, courtesy of Jackie, was now riding up her thighs. She didn’t know what she was thinking, allowing Jackie to convince her she would look great in a skirt that barely covered her thighs. Now, with all that money she could almost feel in her hands, she could at least pay Jackie back for the three outfits and two pairs of shoes that she bought her.
It began drizzling, big, fat drops hitting her windshield. Just what she needed, she thought dryly as she watched the rain fall harder now, hitting her car in loud clangs. The weather to match her mood. Mother Nature was definitely paying attention.
It was almost two o’clock in the morning, the last time she checked. Luckily, it was a Friday, and she didn’t have to force herself to go to school the next day.
Observing the shadows of Frankie and Not-Frankie’s-Wife doing tawdry things that she didn’t even want to think about, Veronica let out a huff, straightening up abruptly. She decided that she had enough, collecting her things and shoving them into her bag.
She started her car, backing out of her parking spot and pulling out, heading for her apartment. She drove slowly, knowing that getting a call about his only daughter being in a car accident would probably ruin her father’s trip.
Halfway home, she picked up her cell phone, speed-dialing Logan’s number. She had to suck it up and just talk to him. Even if he hung up on her, she could at least say she tried. Being the dumped party made this phone call just a bit more pathetic, but she knew she had to, just because he wasn’t.
Her cell was gripped tighter as she realized she didn’t know what she was going to say if he answered. I’m sorry? You’re still an asshole? Stop being stupid? Tell me you love me? She figured hanging up wasn’t an option, not in this day of Caller ID.
“This is Logan with today’s inspirational message: I am not afraid of tomorrow for I have seen yesterday and love today- William Allen White. Leave yours.”
Veronica shook her head, sighing as she threw her phone in her bag. One week since they last spoke. One week since Logan had more or less thrown away everything, all in the name of blind justice. No, revenge. All in the name of revenge. All that drama during the year and all she got out of it was a taped message.
Yes, she could safely say she hated him a little bit more now.
She pulled into a free spot just to the right of the stairs, not caring whether she was inside the lines or not. Gathering her stuff, she flung the door open, climbing out and immediately getting drenched. She shut her eyes tightly, allowing the cold water to do its job before slamming the door shut, racing for the building.
Veronica jogged up the stairs, wanting to get out of the rain. She was going to take off her clothes, change into her pajamas, curl up with Backup and listen to mopey music. Maybe she would call Wallace at four, giving him the ultimate wake-up call of whining and bitching.
Lightning flashed and she cursed herself for jumping as she reached the porch. She stopped in her tracks, seeing Logan there, sitting on the floor, his back against the railing. Sunglasses covered his eyes, and he was the epitome of a tortured teenager. Black jeans, black button-down plaid shirt, and a black denim jacket. All that was completely visible in the darkness was the flashing silver of his flask, dangling in his hand.
Two o’clock in the morning, this was so fucking like him.
“Logan.” She said, sharper than she had intended.
“Veronica Mars,” He replied dully, letting out a weary sigh. Rain hit his face, sliding down his cheeks like tears too scared to fall from his eyes. He tilted the flask between the bars, the rain hitting the metal almost musically.
“Are you drunk?”
“Unfortunately, no. Not much.” He sighed again, feeling all the pain he had coursing through his body at the mere movement. He was now convinced that emotional pain could become physical. “Where have you been?”
Veronica’s eyes narrowed, watching him carefully. He definitely wasn’t sober, at least not completely. Even as she stood in front of him, hugging herself tightly, he still continued to sit there, staring either at her or beyond her, she wasn’t sure. “Excuse me?”
“It’s, like, almost two-thirty. Where have you been?”
“Where have you?” There it was, that accusatory tone. She hoped he detected it and she hoped that it hurt him even more.
“I asked you first.” He said sharply.
“What- are we twelve?”
He sighed yet again, climbing to his feet. “Veronica Mars, how I hate you.” He muttered, shoving his flask in his jacket pocket as he took a couple of steps toward her. He stood there in front of her, sunglasses still obscuring his eyes.
Veronica reached over, pulling off his shades, surprised at how red his eyes were, how watery they were. For a moment, she felt a sense of pity for him, only to be overwhelmed by the heat in his gaze. Sadness, yes, but there was something else there. Intense, always intense.
He made no attempt to look away, keeping his eyes on hers. She still looked beautiful, soaked to the bone, her hair hanging in her eyes, that frown now almost permanent. He gently reached over, claiming his sunglasses, his fingers brushing over hers.
She jerked away at his touch, turning her back on him. Pulling her keys out of her bag, she opened the door, letting out a shaky breath. “Come inside. It’s raining.” She said simply, holding the door open.
Logan hung back, eyeing the door. “Your dad?”
“He’s gone for a couple of days. He had a case in Los Angeles...” She trailed off, her head lowering. “You’re such an asshole, Logan.”
“I know.”
“I hate you for what you did.”
“I know, baby.”
His reply was so quiet and almost pitiful, the way his voice shook on that last word...she had to turn, staring up at him. He looked a bit sickly, like he hadn’t slept in days. “Come in.” She whispered.
Logan followed Veronica inside, glancing around as she locked the door behind her. Backup slept on the couch, not alert enough to acknowledge either of them. She dropped her bag to the floor, ripping off her leather jacket and hanging it on the doorknob. He turned his head, staring at her questioningly before she nodded, more to herself than to him. He opened his mouth to speak and she was off, walking to her bedroom.
He waited for her to say something, and when she never did, he followed, standing at the door as she leaned over, pulling off her boots. His eyes panned up her legs, wondering where the hell she got a skirt that short and why she was wearing it. For who she was wearing it for- was she already moving on? Was this really it?
Deciding he didn’t want to know the answer, he walked into her room, moving past her towards her bookshelf. He glanced down at her table, stopping on a picture of himself and Veronica, taken during the summer of hell. Both smiling, cheek to cheek, unaware of what would happen by the time autumn came.
He tapped the top of the picture frame that held Lilly’s frozen, smiling image. Forever young, forever gorgeous, forever gone. He sighed, gazing down into her still eyes. “You’re an aunt,” He murmured sadly, before suddenly straightening up as logic and reality crashed into him for just a moment. Duncan raising a child, he was sure Duncan didn’t even know how to prepare toast. “Holy shit, she’s going to be SO fucked up.”
“Who?”
Logan shook his head, waving her off. “Nothing.”
Veronica watched Logan as he continued to inspect the pictures on her table. “I got into Hearst.” She said quietly.
Logan looked up, smiling shortly. “Good. Congrats.” His eyes fell on her bare legs for a moment, before he quickly looked away. “I’m happy for you.”
She nodded, letting out a sharp breath. That one gaze was enough to heat her up...and it told her he still found her alluring. At least her attractiveness wasn’t what was making him so pain stricken in that video. That was a plus. “I’m...I’m going to take a year off, though. Work a bit, save some money...like poor people do.”
“What is this thing you call work?” Logan deadpanned as he stumbled over to her CD player, inspecting her discs. After a long pause, he took a disc out of its case, putting it in the player. A moment later, a guitar riff filled the room. “I had no idea you listened to Led Zeppelin.” He scanned the CD cover. “Whole lotta love...”
“It’s dad’s. He’s been trying to school me in what he calls good rock.”
“Huh.”
Veronica pulled at her wet shirt, suddenly feeling uncomfortable but thankful that the shirt was black. Logan felt decidedly less so, dripping water onto her carpet, and not even bothering to take off his shoes. It was then she felt the tension in the room, all the hurt and pain.
“Why are you here?” She said quietly, her arms dropping to her sides.
A long, excruciating pause. “Buying time. I have to meet Weevil in...” He trailed off, nodding. “I can’t stop.”
She nodded grimly, not looking at him. “I don’t want to know. I don’t care.”
“All right.”
Veronica pushed her wet hair out of her eyes, nodding in return. The tension in the room seemed to soar, and she prayed that they wouldn’t get into another fight. She couldn’t take another fight. Not now. If they did, she knew it would be over, for good.
Logan set down Lilly’s picture and moved toward Veronica, not noticing as the picture tottered, then fell face down. He stopped just short of her, shaking his head helplessly. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Mars.”
Something ached in her heart, and she inhaled, trying to gather strength. “Then don’t, you idiot.”
Silently, there were no words left, Logan leaned down, kissing Veronica softly. She refused for only a moment before returning the kiss. They didn’t touch until his hand fumbled, clasping her hand in his awkwardly. She rested her hand on his arm as his hands moved to her waist, gently pulling her to him. His hands started to drift under her shirt, feeling cold, wet skin and it was then she gasped, sending a jolt through him, like electricity.
Veronica pulled away, shaking her head. Her heart was racing, pounding against her chest, and she realized just how bad she still wanted this, all of it. And just how much this was a bad idea. “Stop.”
His eyes narrowed in confusion. “What- you’ve been wanting me to do this for months, and now you don’t want to?”
She resisted the urge to call him an asshole again, pulling down her shirt. “I’m still mad, Logan. It’s the wrong time, okay?” She opened her mouth, but he kissed her again, working his tongue in her mouth. She moaned against him, feeling his hands move under her shirt once more, his hands hot against her skin.
Logan managed to pull her against him, getting her arms around his shoulders awkwardly as he kissed her deeply. She returned the kiss just as heatedly and he rejoiced, his fingers digging into her waist as the kiss intensified. It was too much now, all of it crashing together- heat, passion, love, lust- and Logan couldn’t help himself for wanting to melt into her right then and there.
He started to push her shirt up, nearly groaning in frustration when she pulled away yet again. His mouth tried to capture hers again, and her hand was against his chest, pushing him back ever so slightly. “Tell me you love me.” She said breathlessly, her eyes dark with lust.
“I love you.” Before the last word left his mouth, she was pushing off his jacket, letting it drop to the floor as she forced his mouth onto hers. His hands tugged at her shirt, yanking it over her head and she helped, throwing it to the side before jerking him to her again, getting him in an awkward but emotional embrace.
This was it, Veronica decided as they stumbled back, looking for anything to support them. This was it, she could feel it. No turning back. She was ready.
Years of friendship, hate, lust, love, and back again, all accumulating to this, the only natural conclusion. Making out like the teenagers they were, wet clothes being removed like their lives depended on it and she managed to discard his shirt, allowing it to join his jacket on the floor.
He pushed her against the wall, his hands already pulling up her skirt. It slipped easily up her hips, and he tugged until it gathered at her waist before grabbing her hips, pulling her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her mouth falling on his as his hands groped and roamed freely, getting a gasp out of her.
Soon, flesh against flesh, it was a blur of moans and sweat and rain and hands. Darkness and memories and lightning and pain and panting and groans and quick, awkward kisses. Messy and clumsy and not at all like how they show it in the movies, nothing like it. Nothing was making sense and there should’ve been a condom somewhere in this scenario but she didn’t recall much after she hit the wall.
Too rough and not rough enough, her nails dug into his back but not enough to cut, he bit her shoulder but not enough to break. All she knows is that it was different than when she was with Duncan, not bad but different, so very different...
Veronica tried to understand what sort of irony it was that she was almost violently, passionately, heatedly, making love- no, fucking- her boyfriend against the wall of her bedroom to the sounds of Led Zeppelin. Certainly, this was not what her father had in mind when he lent her his CD.
Minutes or hours passed- Veronica wasn’t sure anymore and just didn’t care. All she cared about was the here and now, the fact that Logan was back in her arms. He was back in a drastically different way, but he was still there. He wasn’t gone. He was still with her and she wasn’t going to let him go again. Not without a fight.
After it was all over, a lamp was broken, and one of her posters was ripped from when she clutched at the wall. Or maybe it was when Logan’s hand hit the wall. She wasn’t sure anymore. They were apart now, she leaning against the wall, adjusting her clothes as he put his on a couple of feet away.
Logan buttoned his shirt over his torso, letting out a sigh as Veronica’s arms wrapped around him from behind. She rubbed her forehead against his back, and his arm wound around, holding her closer. “I have to go, baby.” He whispered as she slipped around until they were face to face. He brushed her hair from her eyes, shaking his head. “I have to go.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I do. I want to stay, but I have to go.” He rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. “I really didn’t want our first time to be like that, Veronica.”
She smiled ever-so-slightly, nodding. “It’s okay...it was good. Really good. We can make with the sweet later.” She pulled away as he opened his eyes, giving him the best comforting smile she could manage. “We have time.”
“All the time in the world.” He whispered, relieved that they didn’t have to go through the discussion as to whether they were a couple again. Veronica seemed to already assume they were, and he wasn’t about to argue with her.
She planted a soft kiss on his chin, running her hands over his chest, smiling as he sighed. “You like that?”
“Yes. Stop.” He grabbed her wrists, holding her still. “I promise...I’m going to be better.” He said seriously, staring into her eyes. “I’m going to try to be better for you after this. I promise.”
Veronica smiled slowly, reveling in the joy she felt at those words. It was all she wanted to hear. “Thank you.”
He nodded, pulling away from her reluctantly. Leaning over, he kissed her softly, his lips lingering on hers before pulling away completely. He picked up his jacket, shrugging it on as he headed for the door, running a hand through his damp hair.
“Logan.”
He turned, staring at her expectantly.
Veronica stared at Logan, her Logan, and felt something ache within her. Scared didn’t even begin to describe how she was feeling at the moment. Right then, he was there and alive and in one piece, but after all this was over...
Instead of begging him again, instead of yelling and screaming and sobbing, she settled on a simple, quiet- “Come back to me.”
“I always do.” He replied drearily before walking out of her bedroom.
Epilogue - Three Weeks Later
“You know, I paid a lot of money for that dinner...”
“Hey, you just got lucky, are you complaining?”
“No, but we’re so eating that food before it gets stale.” Logan grinned, running his hands down Veronica’s bare back as she kissed and licked his neck.
It wasn’t a bad way to spend graduation day, an exhausting day ending with his girl at the Neptune Grand. The icing on the cake was that she was completely naked in his bed, sitting on his lap and doing indecent things to his neck. He couldn’t have asked for a better graduation present if Angelina Jolie walked in, asking to join in.
“That food was so expensive...”
Veronica lifted her head with a laugh, staring at him in disbelief. “You are the biggest baby- we graduated, my friend-with-benefits! My dad is okay with us being together! You just got laid- WHAT are you complaining about?”
“Not a bad way to spend graduation night.” Logan murmured in agreement, kissing Veronica’s cheek gently. His hands brushed over her stomach, and she quickly moved it away, stiffening up. He didn’t notice, his hands traveling over her thighs. “Getting our diplomas, lunch with your dad, crashing Madison’s 09er party with our misfit peeps,” She smiled slightly, and he inhaled before continuing. “And gourmet food intercepted by a sex-a-thon- I love it.” He bit her shoulder faintly, slowly lifting his hips.
Veronica let out a slight laugh, closing her eyes. “Okay, we really need to stop.” She said breathlessly, pushing her damp hair off her face.
“For this to end, you’re going to have to get off me.” Logan said matter-of-factly, running his hands down her thighs and drumming his fingers against her skin.
She slid off, pulling the blankets over her sweaty body. “This can get disgusting quick- we need to shower.”
“Later. Sleep now.” She gave him a look, and he chuckled. “Mars, you wore me out. Three times...I really need to sleep- I have to be up at six tomorrow morning.”
“Excuse me, it’s one in the morning- it is tomorrow.”
“Exactly.” He kissed her softly, pulling her against his chest and wrapping the remaining blankets around his body. “I’m exhausted.”
Her smile faded slowly. “But I’m not going to see you for a long time, Logan.”
“Don’t be dramatic. I’m just going for the weekend, I’ll see you on Monday. We’ll have most of the summer, until we gotta go back for orientation.”
“Long distance relationships never work.”
“Don’t say that.” He whispered against her skin. “I’ll come back to Neptune when I can, and you can come up to San Diego to visit Wallace and I. No big deal. It’s only for a semester, right?” He sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. “We can just relax now.”
Relaxing is what she intended to do. The battle between Logan and the PCHers was officially over. It was over, the ankle monitor was gone, the charges dropped, and another person- Thumper- was in police custody. Yet, true to her word, she didn’t want to know how it had all happened.
She really didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know how Logan got those still healing wounds on his back and stomach, she didn’t want to know how Weevil broke his arm, she didn’t want to know how the two managed to get Thumper to confess to killing Felix. She didn’t want to know how they figured out Thumper had forced the rest of the group to lie.
She just didn’t want to know.
Veronica flung the door open, sun peeking in and momentarily blinding her. There was Logan, bloodied, beaten, and swaying, but standing. His black shirt was spotted with blood, some his, some not, and there was a rip at one of the sleeves.
They stared at each other silently, Logan’s mouth opening and closing several times as he tried to find the words while looking into her eyes. His jaw clenched before the tears could fall, and he nodded quickly. “It’s over.” He said hoarsely.
Veronica wordlessly flung herself into his arms, not noticing as he flinched but still held her tight. They stood there for seconds, minutes, hours, holding each other, not wanting to let go.
She would later learn from Carmen that Thumper had lied to the other PCHers about certain things, that he was trying to overthrow Weevil. Hector, betrayed and angry, had led the pack of old school PCHers in beating Thumper. However, no one had anticipated the newer PCHers, who fully believed that rules and order were not needed in a gang.
That was when it got ugly, but she didn’t want to know.
“First, answer this, and this is really important...” He paused dramatically, and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. “How was it? I mean, three times- I know I’m good, but damn-”
She nudged him with her elbow and he laughed, pulling her closer to him. “I am pleasantly sore, if that answers your question.” She smiled slightly. “I know you were just being nice by making a show, so you’re going to have to be my teacher. I am a willing student, Logan Echolls, so don’t-” She frowned, glancing over her shoulder. “Logan?”
He kissed her cheek gently before rolling his eyes. “Before, I could never get you to talk, and now you won’t shut up, can’t we just enjoy the moment?”
She nodded, attempting to wrap his arms tighter around her body. She opened her mouth, wanting to tell him about this new problem possibly gestating in her. Needing to tell him. Her mouth closed as she realized she couldn’t tell him, especially if it wasn’t even certain. She needed to be sure before she destroyed his life. Both of their lives.
Veronica’s eyes closed and she exhaled, feeling the start of a deep sleep taking over her. The first in what seemed like years of barely resting. Now, she was able to.
“Veronica...”
Veronica’s eyes shot open and her head lifted, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Lilly?” Her name was repeated, and she slid out of the bed carefully, taking a blanket with her and walking out of Logan’s bedroom. There, in the living room area, was Lilly Kane, illuminating a certain contentment that she was sure only came with death.
Lilly grinned at Veronica, her green pep squad uniform impeccably clean, all blood and brain residue gone from her head. Her golden hair shined in the dimness of the suite. She gave Veronica a quick wave, then gestured her over. “Miss me?”
“Always.” Veronica whispered, wrapping the blanket even tighter around her body.
A wicked grin came on Lilly’s face. “Didn’t I tell you Logan was excellent in bed? The guy knows how to use his-”
“Lilly....”
Her eyes widened innocently. “What? I’m totally happy for you two. He’s no fun when he’s mopey.” She frowned slightly. “It’s going to be hard, you know that?”
Veronica nodded slightly, her jaw clenching. “Yes.”
Lilly nodded, sighing. “Tough times are coming, you know.” Her eyes met Veronica’s, the gaze freezing Veronica. “He won’t be able to handle it.”
“Handle what?”
“You’ll see.” She shrugged. “Logan has the most awesome track record of destroying everything he loves- you’ll be no different.” Her eyes widened. “Hey- are you going to tell him?”
Veronica laughed slightly, not willing to let Lilly’s words get to her. “I don’t even know if it’s actually happening, Lilly.”
“Well, what are you waiting for?! Get it done!” She smiled, excited. “It’s totally okay to be scared, you know. I wouldn’t be, but you can.”
“I’m so scared.” Veronica admitted with a laugh. “It was an accident.”
“Yeah, well, so was my sucky death, but you don’t see me bitching about it.” She bit her lip, sighing. “He just might surprise you, Veronica Mars. He does that a lot.”
Veronica stared at Lilly, somehow feeling like this moment was about to end. “I love you, Lilly.” She whispered suddenly.
She smiled sadly, her head tilting to the side. “Aw...don’t get all mushy on me.” She looked over her shoulder into Logan’s bedroom. “It’s time to wake up, now, Veronica Mars.”
Veronica’s eyes shot open, and she lifted her head, glancing at the clock on the end table. She had been asleep for two hours. Lilly’s words repeated in her mind, over and over, and she shook her head, pushing them aside. It was the first time she had dreamt of Lilly in ages, and she could honestly say that it wasn’t the way she thought it would be.
Turning on her back, her eyes fell on Logan, still sleeping soundly next to her. She thought about what Lilly said, and realized with great sadness that she was probably right. Logan loved her, of this she was sure, but she knew that somehow, it would all never be perfect. Complete happiness was definitely not for them.
She stared at him and knew immediately that he wouldn’t change. That every moment he would try to become a better person would be struck down by several instances of him fucking up royally. She also knew a part of her didn’t want him to change. She loved the fire and danger that lingered in his eyes, his touch, and she knew it would slip away if she forced him to become what she wanted. It would slip away if she told him about the accident.
He would be gone in less than seven hours, and she didn’t want to let him go without doing or saying something to keep a part of him there in Neptune. Something to force him to come back. Those three words were never coming out of her mouth, and she wasn’t telling him her other news until she was absolutely certain, so she had to settle for the next best thing.
“Logan...” She whispered as she sat up, kissing his neck. His eyes slowly opened, and he blinked rapidly, getting her in focus. He was almost awake, concern filling his eyes as he waited for her to speak. “Make love to me.” He nodded, understanding, and slowly slid on top of her, that lust already filling his eyes again.
Their lips met once more tenderly, too caught up in the moment to notice Veronica’s cell phone vibrating on the night stand, quietly informing them that she had a call coming in from Duncan Kane.
END