La Douleur Exquise! (Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica) R
Title: La Douleur Exquise! (8/?)
Author: Me
Pairing/Character: Logan, Veronica, Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica
Word Count: 6443
Rating: R
Summary: She was done being afraid. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She couldn’t be.
Spoilers/Warnings: Only up to "One Angry Veronica" (spoiler-wise). However, this story takes place after "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen
Then...
Logan’s XTerra skidded to a stop in front of the Camelot, jerking both him and Veronica forward. A moment of silence followed, Veronica’s head dipped low as perspiration fell from her forehead to her lap. She swayed slightly, shakily unbuckling her seatbelt and tilting against the door.
“Why did you stop?” She muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.
“I can’t drive anymore...can’t even see straight.” Logan sniffed loudly, wiping at his swollen nose, his clean hand brushing off the sweat dripping down his face. “I’m going to kill Dick...” He said hoarsely, stripping off his jacket.
“Not if those bikers kill you first.”
He ignored her comment, sighing. “We’ll just hide out here.” He slid out of the car, his knees buckling slightly. He grabbed the edge of the door, waiting until Veronica had climbed out to shut his door.
She eyed him, still swaying. “Logan, it’s just not possible to hide out with a bright yellow SUV.” She licked her lips, pushing back her damp hair. “They’re totally going to trash your car.”
“Let them. Come on,” He stumbled around the car, heading for the Camelot’s main office. Veronica followed, clutching the back of his black t-shirt. His hand flew out, winding behind his back and awkwardly supporting her before she tripped them both.
The clerk at the front desk watched them warily, setting down her magazine. “Can I help you?” She called before they reached her.
“We need a room.” Logan said a bit too loudly, pressing his hands against the surface of the desk. Veronica rubbed her forehead against his shirt, and he tried to pull her away. “We need a room.” He repeated.
“Are you all right?” She asked, her eyes first on Veronica’s blonde hair peeking out over Logan’s shoulder, then on his bloody nose.
Logan quickly nodded, pulling his credit card out of his pocket. “Just give us the room...” He glanced at her name tag. “Michelle.” He held out the card, and she took it.
Veronica finally swung around, holding on to Logan’s arm tightly. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Yeah, I don’t care.” He snapped his fingers at the clerk, eyes closing as a rush of dizziness overwhelmed him. “A room!”
Veronica laughed as the now glaring clerk went to get a room key for the two. “You are having such a bad reaction to the drugs, Logan.” She nodded to herself, releasing Logan and leaning against the desk. “This never would’ve happened if you have just-”
“Veronica, I’m really freaking out right now, STOP talking.”
Michelle appeared once again, holding a single key on a red plastic key chain. “Room 103 is right around the corner.” Logan grabbed his card and the key, awkwardly turning around and walking toward the door, leading Veronica by the hand. “There’s a condom machine somewhere near the ice machine!” She offered before picking up her magazine again.
Now...
Veronica kept her eyes straight ahead as she walked down the hallway of Neptune High, wanting to get to her car as quick as possible. As expected, everyone had heard about her freak-out at Dick’s party, courtesy of Dick himself. Duncan, predictably, was not around to hear about the throwing of bottles, but that didn’t stop anyone from staring at her every time she entered a room.
She hadn’t seen Logan all day- either he was avoiding her, or he decided to cut most of his classes. Jackie, on the other hand, had surprisingly avoided Veronica for the entire day, ducking out whenever she appeared, and Veronica was glad to say she preferred it that way.
As much as her stubborn heart was telling her that she did the right thing, she knew that just wasn’t true. She wondered how much of her anger was directed at Logan, and how much of it was at herself. She could question herself as much as she could, but the guilt was always there to remind her that it was time to stop thinking. To stop worrying.
“Mars!”
A sharp intake of breath, and Veronica was off. She knew that shout anywhere...and she also knew she did not want to have the inevitable fight that was sure to happen if he caught up with her. Whether it be embarrassment or shame, she just knew she didn’t want, at that moment, to have a chat with Logan Echolls.
She pushed past students, trying to head for the door as fast as her legs could take her. “Move- excuse me...MOVE.” She muttered, already reaching in her pocket for her car keys.
Logan chased Veronica down the hallway, glossy paper in hand, shoving people aside. He picked up speed, catching up with her and grabbing her wrist, pulling her to a stop. Glancing around the crowd of mostly freshmen, he waited until he thought no one was looking before pulling her into the girls’ bathroom, slapping the ‘Out of Order’ sign on the door.
He shut the door behind him, bending over to grab the door stopper. Abruptly, the door opened, hitting his side and he promptly pushed back, slamming the door shut to some girl’s obvious displeasure. “Someone’s in here!” He said sharply, picking up the wedge of wood and forcing the door shut.
Straightening up, Logan stared at Veronica, digging his hands in his pockets. “Okay, avoid me like the plague. Fine. I’m used to it. I-” He cut himself short, walking from stall to stall, hitting the doors open. When he was satisfied that there was no one in the room with them, he faced her again, sighing. “We’re going to keep this quick and simple because I’m sure Clemmons is gonna barge in here in less than five minutes, and, also, I have a freakin’ horrible hangover-”
“Well, that explains why you weren’t in the FBLA meeting...” She replied curtly.
He smiled shortly, nodding as the grin disappeared. “I honestly think I should be the angry one, but that’s neither here nor there, is it?” She didn’t answer, her head lowering, and he waited until she looked up again. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“Veronica...” He chuckled slightly as she began to hang her head once more. “Are you mad at me or yourself?” He tilted his head to meet her eyes, and she quickly averted his gaze. “You can’t even look at me!”
Her head lifted abruptly, and she gave him a slight glare. “I’m embarrassed! You think I wanted to make an ass out of myself in front of half the school?”
“And yet you did it so splendidly!” He laughed, shaking his head. “I never thought I would ever see you throwing beer bottles. Especially at me. Quite the Lilly move, and I applaud you for not being a robot.”
She stared at him in dismay, slightly shocked that he wasn’t that mad, and even more surprised at how amusing he found the whole thing. She wondered if he was still drunk, surely that would explain his behavior, or lack of appropriate reaction. “This isn’t funny, Logan!”
“Oh, it’s hysterical.” He sighed, his laughter fading. “This is what I like, Mars. I like that part of you- I want you to get angry, to feel it,” He gritted his teeth, clenching his hands into fists in front of his chest to drive his point home. “To freakin’ let loose. You don’t have to be holier-than-thou all that damn time.”
Adjusting her bag, she leaned against the counter, staring at Logan’s sneakers. Anywhere but his eyes. “I was there to tell you that I was breaking it off with Duncan- I wanted you to know.”
He nodded, lowering his head. “Thank you. This was bordering on abusive behavior, Veronica Mars.” He said quietly. “I am becoming more and more like the villainous dick as this saga unfolds- we need to get this done as quickly as possible so Duncan can punch me and we can move on. It’s like ripping off a very big band-aid.” She gave him a small smile, and he touched her arm gently, getting her attention. “That thing with Jackie...it was nothing.”
Veronica was silent for a long moment, pressing her lips together. “I hate that you’re doing this.” She said dully.
His eyes narrowed abruptly in confusion, his hand sliding off her arm. “Doing what.”
“Changing. You- you decide to become this good...this better person after we break up?”
“I’m sorry, do you want me to be this bitter jackass again, ‘cause I can-”
The anger came bubbling to the surface again, and she inhaled sharply, trying to force it back. “Stop with the sarcasm for just one minute, Logan, please.” He closed his mouth, his eyes on her intently. “You’re...you’re just happy and doing things that you didn’t...” She trailed off, shaking her head. Words, as always, failed her when she needed them the most, and she felt like kicking herself. “I heard about your performance.”
Logan was quiet, pushing his hands back into his pockets. The truth came out, in full force. Out of all the reasons why she would be mad at him, he could safely say he wasn’t expecting this one. Naturally, he decided to settle on- “Did you like the buzz?”
She nodded shortly. “Yes. And that’s what I mean...you do this when we’re not together. You decide to do a one-eighty when we’re separated.” Her eyes locked on his. “Are you doing that intentionally?”
“Did it ever occur to you that this change I’m going through is because I don’t want to repeat my senior year? That maybe, just maybe, it’s possible that I don’t care what everyone expects of me and I just want to get the hell out of Neptune? That, surprisingly, I actually took your words to heart?” A frown formed on his face, and he pointed a finger at her. “You’re really self-involved, you know that?”
Gently, Veronica clutched at Logan’s hand, gathering his fingers in her fist. “I think I deserve to be, Logan Echolls.”
After a long silence, he nodded, twisting and curling his hand so his fingers were entwined with hers. “Now that we’re done with all that drama, how exactly were you planning to extract your fiery revenge on me?”
She shrugged slightly, giving him the tiniest of smirks as she took a step closer. “Furry porn.”
“Ah.” A smile played on his lips, his eyes on hers as he moved forward. “Provocative. I expected nothing less.” His free hand pushed her hair off her face. “Come here,” He whispered, leaning down.
Their lips touched briefly, Veronica pulling away to give him a stern look. “This whole good guy thing is just a phase, isn’t it?” A slight grin formed, her eyes slowly twinkling with a certain fire. “I like the nice guy, but I don’t want you to become a complete wuss...”
He chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. “Veronica, if you want me, here I am, warts and all.” He tilted his face towards her, his lips brushing against hers. “And I like you, just the way you are.” He pressed his lips against hers, and she responded, slowly opening her mouth for him.
A loud bang came on the door, and they jerked away from each other, staring at the door.
“Logan Echolls, come out of the girls’ bathroom, immediately!”
Logan sighed, facing Veronica again. “And that’s my cue.” He whispered, nodding toward one of the stalls. “Exit, stage left.” He kissed her cheek gently before heading for the door.
Veronica dashed to the nearest stall, holding off until Logan turned around again to blow him a quick kiss. He smiled slightly, giving her a slight bow before bending over to pull out the door stopper. She slammed the stall door shut, waiting.
Logan opened the door, feigning a look of surprise as the students behind the vice principal began to clap. “Mr. Clemmons, I demand you put some bigger signs around here- THIS is not the boys’ bathroom!”
Clemmons glared at him, pulling the ‘Out of Order’ sign off the door and looking over his shoulder into the bathroom. “Mr. Echolls, you are on strike three.”
“It was worth it, sir.” He held his hands out in front of him, wrists connected. “Take me away.” Clemmons grabbed Logan’s shoulder, steering him towards the main office. Logan glanced at Clemmons, lowering his hands. “It wouldn’t be wise to start shouting Attica, huh?”
* * * * *
“Veronica!”
Veronica glanced over her shoulder, spotting Jackie leaning against the counter. The Hut was dim, but she could clearly see that Jackie wasn’t holding the same self-satisfied look that previously had been on her face. She straightened up, setting down the tray of glasses near the back counter. “Want a macchiato?” She called coolly.
Jackie walked along the counter until she was directly in front of Veronica. “Listen, before you throw something-” Veronica’s jaw clenched, and Jackie allowed a small smile to grace her features. “It might not mean anything, but I’m sorry.” Veronica raised her eyebrows, and she quickly continued. “I kissed him, if that makes anything better. He was a bit tipsy and so was I and he was being so nice to me-”
“So, naturally, the next move was to make out with him.” Veronica replied with fake understanding, nodding her head. Jackie was almost completely indifferent to the words that were coming out of her mouth, and Veronica had to wonder just how genuine she really was.
“No! It was just a kiss, I swear. It wasn’t going to go anywhere- I’ve done more with Wallace.”
A frown perched on her lips, and she turned away from Jackie, reaching for the tray again. “Too much information.”
“Veronica,” The quiet in Jackie’s voice made Veronica turn around, and she stared at her, waiting. “He’s been one of the only people who has been nice to me since I’ve moved here. The kiss wasn’t sexual. He was there and he was grinning at me in that stupid, goofy way of his and I thought, why not?” She lowered her head for a moment, her curls obscuring her face.
Veronica leaned against the counter, her face inches from Jackie’s. “Aren’t you going to tell me to pick one or something? To stop being selfish and-”
“No.” Her head lifted. “I will tell you that I personally think that the only reason you’re going after him again is because he doesn’t need you and is actually a lot happier without you, and that really bugs the crap out of you.”
Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “I really think you should stop talking, because you know nothing about us, and you definitely don’t know anything about me.”
She frowned slightly. “Whatever. Are you going to tell Wallace?”
“Jackie, I haven’t talked to Wallace in ages.” She said shortly, pushing back off the counter and staring at her hard.
She nodded slowly, the smugness already creeping back onto her face. “Well, if you do, tell him to give me a call.” She spun around on her heels, heading for the door.
Veronica watched Jackie walk out, teetering between feeling pity for the girl and getting pissed off. She supposed that was as close to a civil, sincere conversation as they could get, and she also guessed that somewhere in that mess, Jackie was actually letting her see some form of weakness. The wonders never cease.
“The times, they are a-changing.” Veronica muttered to herself, picking up the tray of glasses and heading for the kitchen.
* * * * *
Keith wiped at his mouth, setting down his fork. “So, this lady, this really old lady with blonde, BLONDE hair that her dog kept chewing on ran up to me and was all Don’t you know who I am? I am the heiress of some company! Give me those pictures! And I’m-” He cut himself off, watching his daughter as she stared ahead blankly, weakly holding her fork. “Honey?”
Veronica blinked, giving her father a slight smile. “I’m here.” He gave her a wry grin, and she nodded. “Old lady, dog, pictures- go.”
He reached for his glass of wine, watching Veronica as she stabbed her fork into her grilled chicken. No, she wasn’t giving him her undivided attention before, but he was sure of how to change that. “Sleuthing misadventures aside, I spoke with Logan a couple of days ago...”
She stopped chewing the chicken in her mouth, pushing it to the side with her tongue. “Did you? Why?”
“Yeah- there’s my girl!” She rolled her eyes, and he nudged her with his knuckle. “If I am to be honest for a moment, I went there to find out what happened at the hospital,” She lowered her fork, and he quickly continued, unwilling to have Veronica run out of the room. “I tried the good cop approach, and he didn’t really fall for it. I think I just creeped him out.” He frowned, thinking. “He was never that chatty around me.”
“That’s because you terrify him.” She deadpanned, swiftly getting herself together. “Must you scare all the schoolchildren of Neptune, dad?”
Keith chuckled. “That’s why I was sheriff, sweetie.” He leaned back in his chair. “You know I’m going to find out what happened, right?”
She inhaled slowly, lowering her hands to her lap. “You want to know what happened?” He nodded, and she mimicked him. It didn’t have to be the complete truth, but she could at least give him something so he would back off. “I talked to Logan about his dad’s trial like I told you I was going to. He invited me to a rave that weekend. We went-”
“Not before Logan bought off someone trying to sell evidence in a murder investigation.” At her look, he shrugged. “I know people, Veronica. You two should’ve known better.”
“Yes.” A slight blush fell on her cheeks, and she nodded. “We...we went to the rave, Logan was being an ass...he got into a fight. We left, and he got beat up by the guys he was fighting at the rave. That’s it.”
“That’s what upset you so much?”
“You watch someone you care about get beat up and see if you’re perfectly fine with it.” Veronica murmured. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the slightly glossed over truth. “Sorry for not telling you.”
“You had me really worried, Veronica. Is it all over?”
She nodded. “As far as I know. Logan isn’t going after them, so...” She let out a huff of breath, looking up at her father. “I’m not happy, dad.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her. “I’ve noticed.”
“This thing with Duncan just isn’t working out...he’s not the same, I’m not- everything’s changed.”
“You’ve both had a tough couple of years, honey. It’s natural for you guys to not be the same people you were.” Keith tried gently.
She shook her head. “No...we’ve really changed. I’m not happy and I’m kind of angry, daddy.”
“You know you don’t have to be with him if you don’t want to, Veronica.”
Veronica leaned forward, her fingers holding on to the edge of the counter. “What about Logan?”
“What about-” His eyes widened slightly in realization. “Ah. And it all becomes clear.” He sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “Logan...I’ve known Logan since you two were twelve, and he’s a good kid sometimes, but...”
“But...” She prompted quietly.
“He’s self-destructive. He has a temper, he obviously has a drinking problem, he’s a bit of a smartass,” He ticked off the list swiftly, looking at the ceiling. “And, really, I’m not comfortable with you alone in the backseat of a car with him.”
“He’s also loyal, smart, and he always tries to protect me.” She smiled slowly. “All he needs is someone to set him straight...maybe someone to point a gun at his car...”
Keith chuckled slightly. “Veronica, I am not going to scare Logan into changing his ways.” There was a sharp knock on the door, and both looked toward it. He stood, pointing at Veronica. “To be continued.” Swinging the door open, he smiled brightly. “Duncan!” He said loudly, getting his daughter’s attention. “It’s been a while.”
Veronica forced a tight smile, giving Keith’s back a mock thumbs-up.
Duncan smiled slightly at Keith, glancing down at the ground. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Mars. May I speak with Veronica, please?”
“It’s Keith, Duncan, and of course, you can.” He turned towards Veronica, his eyes on hers. “It’s for you, honey.”
This was it.
Veronica gave her father a small grin, climbing to her feet. “Hey.” She said to Duncan, and he quickly looked to the ground again. She walked past her father, touching his arm slightly on the way. “I’ll be back later, dad.”
“I’ll be here.” Keith said quietly, watching as Duncan took Veronica’s hand, leading her to his car. Closing the door behind him, Keith nodded to himself, walking over to the table and gathering the dishes. When she came back, he would be waiting with open arms.
The silence that followed as they sat in Duncan’s car was excruciating, with Veronica staying as far away on her side as possible, and Duncan drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Veronica wondered what the whole point of him bringing her out here was, and then, as if on cue, Duncan turned, facing her.
“I want to know, right now, what happened between you and Logan.” He said firmly. “Dick told me about the party and I know there’s something you guys aren’t telling me. It’s killing me.”
She stared at Duncan hard, her heart beginning to race. Stall, she needed to stall. “You never showed-”
“I had a lot of other things to worry about. Obviously.” He cut her off, shrugging. “But, now, we have a minute alone and I want to know. I think I deserve to know.”
She nodded, slowing looking down at her lap. “We went to the rave, like I told you...”
He licked his lips, leaning back in his seat and staring straight ahead as she spoke quietly. “Okay.”
“Logan got into a fight with a bunch of Weevil’s buddies. And then we fought at the Camelot.” Veronica muttered, glancing at him. All she could see was darkness and more darkness, the thin light of the moon not enough for her to read his expression.
“You fought at the Camelot.” Duncan repeated, and she could almost see his brow furrowing in thought. “What were you fighting about?”
“Everything. We fought and we were fighting. Gloves off, screaming...Jerry Springer without the chair throwing.” She paused. “At least I didn’t throw a chair.”
“What were you fighting about.”
“I-I don’t remember what we were fighting about at first, but...everything. Later, it was everything.”
“So...all you did was fight? After the fight at the rave?”
“No.”
A sharp intake of breath at her answer, and he was quiet for a long moment.
“Duncan?” Veronica whispered, looking over at him.
His reply was quiet, a bit too restrained and measured, a carefully practiced and perfected show of composure. No, dad, Lilly didn’t push me outside in my underwear, I locked myself out. Veronica’s my sister, it’s wrong, and I understand. Logan and Veronica hanging out behind my back is fine, just fine... “Tell me.”
“Duncan, please.”
“No. Tell me.”
Veronica closed her eyes, clutching her hands tightly in her lap. “We had left the party after the fight, and we were okay. We drove back to the Camelot because it was really late and we were tired and Logan was a bit too out of it to drive me home...”
Then...
Veronica wasn’t quite sure what the hell had happened.
They had reached their room, and were safely inside. Logan had continued to fidget and sweat as the drugs worked their way through him (badly), and she had kept talking and sweating and she wasn’t quite sure what she told him, but whatever it was, it had angered him, and he was seriously pissed off.
“Logan, we’re both drunk...high...whatever. Let’s just calm down and then we’ll talk about this like adults-”
“FUCK calming down, we’re discussing this NOW.” He wiped at his forehead before pushing up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows. She crossed her arms tightly, turning away from him, and he stepped closer. “Stop being a bitch and fucking talk to me, Veronica! You don’t say something like that-”
“Isn’t it true?” She shot back loudly, spinning around and facing him. “I’m not lying, right? You- you cheated on Lilly and you-”
“ONCE. But, hey, let’s forget all the shit she did, right?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Veronica, hatred in his eyes. “You were supposed to be my friend- you should’ve told me she was playing me behind my back. YOU should’ve told me what she was doing so I wouldn’t kill myself loving her all those fucking years-”
“Logan, you were so jealous-”
“Can you blame me?!” He let out a laugh. “She was giving it up to every guy who passed by when she was supposed to be the love of my life and I’M the asshole here?”
She shook her head in disbelief. “God, you hated Lilly, didn’t you? You never loved her! All you do is act like she never existed, like she was some slut!” He laughed, and she shook her head harder, glaring at him. “You treated her like crap in the end and you aren’t even sorry! You hated her and she knew-”
Something in Logan’s eyes changed, and he stepped up to her, fire blazing. “Fuck you.” He said quietly, the shaky wrath in his voice stopping her cold. “You know nothing about Lilly and me and what I felt or what we did. Nothing. Fuck you.”
Swallowing hard, Veronica nodded, her hands curling into fists. “Real mature, Logan.” She muttered.
“Always.”
“Almost as mature as harassing Duncan and I all the damn time,” Her voice got shakier as she went along, her nails digging into her palm. Now, she was getting angry. He looked at her in that arrogant way full of contempt, and she hated him for it. “Those snide remarks and insults- you so need to move on from this Duncan and me thing because it’s not ending and you’re looking more and more like a-”
He laughed a cold, cruel laugh, and she shuddered in anger. “Honey, right now, I’m not attracted to you. At all. You’re fucking UGLY.”
“You’re one to talk.” She snapped, glaring at him.
“Hey, at least I know what I am. I’ve never hidden anything- you’re such a fucking liar- you lie to your dad, to your precious boyfriend, you lie to yourself ALL the time.”
“I lie to protect people!” Veronica shot back, uncrossing her arms and nearly stomping toward him. “I never, EVER lie to harm anyone! I’m not like you, Logan!”
He shoved a finger in her face, and her eyes narrowed. “You and I are two of a kind, Veronica Mars, and you know it. You’re just as shady as I am- making kissy faces at Duncan is NOT going to change that.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “You are so far off, Logan...”
“Why did you dump me?” He asked abruptly, lowering his hand.
“What?”
“You fucking heard me, Veronica.”
“Because you weren’t changing.” He rolled his eyes, backing away. She took a step closer, wiping at the sweat seeming to pour down her face. “You were just being a jackass and everything that you used to be...” She crossed her arms stubbornly. “Everything I hated about you.”
He allowed the sting of her words to pass before replying. “Okay, now, the REAL reason why you dumped me, please.” She said nothing, glaring at him, and he started toward her, stopping a foot away from her. “God- you ignore me for weeks after leaving me with no- tell me what I did wrong, Veronica!”
“I just want to be normal. I wanted to be happy and like I was before and you ruined it.”
He laughed. “Yeah, right- normal. You! Veronica, you know damn well that you’re never, ever going to be normal.”
Veronica felt herself growing angrier as he talked, frustrated that her words weren’t hitting him, that he was refusing to understand. “I was trying- I tried and you were pulling me back with all that stupid crap. YOU made me miserable.” Her eyes closed shortly, and she inhaled shakily.
Just like that, she had let out what she had been holding in for months- what she had wanted to tell him before he was thrown out of her apartment. Yet, somehow, she didn’t feel better. It didn’t change anything that happened, no one was any happier, and she was still in this hotel room, fighting with Logan Echolls.
“I know I could have been better.” Logan said almost desperately, and her eyes flew open. “I know, I know, I KNOW. I should’ve stopped and not done any of that crap but you...you looked so unhappy and you stopped touching and kissing me-”
“Logan, that’s because you-”
“Veronica, this was when Duncan was stalking you at your job.” He licked his lips, blinking rapidly as his vision started to blur. “You stopped asking me to pick you up and-” He shook his head, swaying slightly. “I just knew it was over.”
Veronica shook her head swiftly, glaring at him. “No!”
“No WHAT.”
“No, you cannot make me feel guilty for what I did, Logan.” He opened his mouth to reply, and she took a step forward, her voice shaking with rage. “I’m not going to let you- you always do that and I’m not going to fall for it this time. I wanted to be normal, Logan and you're not going to make me feel guilty for wanting that! I wanted everything to be normal and I just couldn’t do that with you!”
“Oh, oh- please, don’t let me distract you from your normal life and your normal boyfriend and your NORMAL job.” He chuckled, taking a step forward. “Please, enjoy the caviar and the veal in Duncan’s fabulously expensive limo while he fucks gold digging models on the side,” He said, his tone mimicking a high society snob, his fingers twirling the ends of his imaginary mustache.
Veronica let out a shuddering breath, his words piercing into her heart. The target was there, and Logan managed to hit the bull’s eye, right in center. “Fuck you, Logan.”
Nodding, Logan gave her a mock salute, sneer in place. “Enjoy the lifestyle of the rich and even more RICH.”
She nodded furiously, unable to stop her hands from trembling. “Yeah, whatever. Get the fuck out.”
He rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Have a great life, Ronnie.” He took a step for the door.
Veronica’s shaking hands grabbed his jacket, pulling him to her. She yanked him down and her mouth slammed into his hungrily. He froze, his eyes wide open, hands in the air. After a couple of seconds, he began to respond, his eyes closing and his hands moving to her waist.
She could feel him shaking as hard as she was. In rage. In shock.
What it all was, she didn’t know. Closure for an abrupt end, release after an intense night, one more go for old time’s sake- she honestly didn’t know. What possessed her to do it and to continue on, she didn’t know and she was sure she wouldn’t know the next morning. What she did know was that his hands on her body felt almost heavenly, and it could’ve been the drugs, but nothing felt so right at that moment than his hands on her.
He sank to the bed and she climbed on him, straddling his lap. His hands moved over her hair, pushing it back off her face. As her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing their bodies together, his hands drifted down her back and her body shook harder at his touch, and she let out a slight moan as the palm of his hand pressed into her lower back, forcing her hips against his. His other hand gripped her side and moved her, back and forth, grinding her against him.
She gasped loudly and started to move at his urging, her fingers winding and clutching at his hair. She tried to push him back onto the bed but he resisted, keeping them level. Her eyes opened and met his and in his gaze she saw the fire that was there earlier mixed with lust. With passion. Desire.
Now...
“You guys kissed.”
Veronica glanced at Duncan, who remained frustratingly blank. “Yes. And then Weevil’s boys came in and beat up Logan. For what happened at the rave.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
Duncan gave a quick nod, straightening up in his seat abruptly. “Error in judgement. A mistake. This is fine. We are fine.”
“Duncan.”
“We’re FINE.”
She jumped at the sharp rise in his voice, quickly looking down at her lap. “What’s happening with you and Meg? How is-”
“Veronica, this...” He shook his head. “That’s between Meg and I.”
“Duncan, you’re MY boyfriend.”
“And yet that didn’t stop you from making out with my best friend. AGAIN.” He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. “It’s not like I planned this. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant-”
She looked up, her eyes on his. “She was in that crash- HOW was she going to tell you?”
“I know! I know, okay?”
“It’s not like Logan and I planned it either.” Veronica said quietly. “It just happened. I’m sorry.”
Duncan was still for a moment, inhaling slowly. “I want to keep the baby.” He barely glanced at Veronica, letting out a shaky breath. “It’s a girl.”
Veronica’s face crumbled, and she shook her head. “Wonderful. Congratulations.” She couldn’t stop the sharp pain of rejection from coursing through her, even though she knew she was here because their relationship was more or less over. “You can have your perfect, happy family now-”
“STOP talking to me like that, Veronica! I hate that!” Duncan shouted. “You don’t think I wanted this to work out? You don’t think I tried to believe that we could’ve been happy?”
“We could’ve tried.”
“We DID try! We did and...come on, Veronica, do you honestly see yourself being a housewife with a bunch of kids?”
Veronica let out a laugh, shaking her head. “Is that it? You don’t think I would make a good wife?”
“Do you?” He shot back. “I can see myself growing old with Meg. I see her and I can see it- it’s there, my life is there in front of me. My life is right there, and it’s normal and perfect. With you, I see-”
“Do you see your SISTER, Duncan? Do you see me like your sister? Is that why you could never-”
“No!” Duncan buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. “God, no, Veronica.” His head lifted, and he stared at Veronica, a sudden sadness in his eyes. A startling despair. “I...I see you getting bored. I see you getting bored and doing what you’re doing now-”
Veronica turned towards him violently, waiting- wanting- for it all to explode. Wanting it to all end. “What am I doing now, Duncan? What!”
“You’re fucking around with Logan, that’s what you’re doing!” He said loudly, glaring at her. “And you’re going to keep doing it- I can’t fucking trust you!”
Her anger slowly began to subdue, and she let out a shaky breath. “God, Duncan.”
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his head dipping. “I never wanted to hurt you, Veronica...but I also didn’t want to be screwed over.”
“Same here.” She whispered, her gaze shifting to her lap.
Duncan was quiet for a long moment, the only sound being the radio, a woman’s low crooning filling the void. “Can we still be friends?” He murmured.
“Is that possible?”
“I don’t know.”
* * * * *
Logan exited the grocery store, clutching his paper bag tightly. Two microwave burritos and a bottle of Mountain Dew, and dinner was served. He hummed under his breath, tossing his car keys in the air and catching them. One week of detention and a night without the awkward silence that came with hanging out with Duncan for longer than ten minutes- it was a good day.
Weevil leaned against Logan’s XTerra, arms crossed. He gave Logan a forced smile as he got closer.
“Back for round two?” Logan called, slowing down and raising his arms in invitation. “As long as you don’t touch my nose, I’m down with it.”
“We need to talk.” Weevil calmly replied, pushing off the SUV.
He grinned. “About what? Your eye or what I’m going to do to the other one?”
“About how we’re going to deal with some very, very rude people.”
Logan’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Weevil, wondering what he was getting at. Weevil said nothing, waiting. After a long moment, Logan shrugged, nodding at his car. “Step into my office.”
* * * * *
Keith straightened up as the front door flew open, and Veronica stumbled inside. She was pale, and shaking, and he quickly walked toward her. “Veronica...” She shook her head quickly, moving past him and down the hallway. “Hey-”
“Give me a minute.” Her voice was quiet as she disappeared into her room.
Veronica gasped for air, rushing to her bathroom. That was it. It was all over. It was over and she was suddenly thrust into the unknown. She didn’t have anything to fall back on. Now it was nothing but darkness and she had to blindly feel her way through it.
For a single moment, she felt like she did after Lilly’s murder- alone and with no reasonable way to go. Except now, she knew a back road. And a partner, holding her hand for the journey. This wasn’t- couldn’t- be as bad as it felt at the moment.
She fumbled through the medicine cabinet, pulling out a long, sharp pair of scissors. Staring at the tarnished metal, she blinked back tears, fitting the handle around her fingers before lifting her head, gazing at her reflection. Her hand ran through her long blonde hair, each strand reminding her of what she was. What she was trying so damn hard to be again.
Not anymore.
Wordlessly, she began to cut, starting at the tips. When the even strands of her hair were destroyed, she clutched a wad of hair and cut, right below her chin. She was done being afraid. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She couldn’t be.
Another cut.
Her hair fell to the floor.
Author: Me
Pairing/Character: Logan, Veronica, Logan/Veronica, Duncan/Veronica
Word Count: 6443
Rating: R
Summary: She was done being afraid. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She couldn’t be.
Spoilers/Warnings: Only up to "One Angry Veronica" (spoiler-wise). However, this story takes place after "Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner"
Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven || Part Eight || Part Nine || Part Ten || Part Eleven || Part Twelve || Part Thirteen || Part Fourteen || Part Fifteen
Then...
Logan’s XTerra skidded to a stop in front of the Camelot, jerking both him and Veronica forward. A moment of silence followed, Veronica’s head dipped low as perspiration fell from her forehead to her lap. She swayed slightly, shakily unbuckling her seatbelt and tilting against the door.
“Why did you stop?” She muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.
“I can’t drive anymore...can’t even see straight.” Logan sniffed loudly, wiping at his swollen nose, his clean hand brushing off the sweat dripping down his face. “I’m going to kill Dick...” He said hoarsely, stripping off his jacket.
“Not if those bikers kill you first.”
He ignored her comment, sighing. “We’ll just hide out here.” He slid out of the car, his knees buckling slightly. He grabbed the edge of the door, waiting until Veronica had climbed out to shut his door.
She eyed him, still swaying. “Logan, it’s just not possible to hide out with a bright yellow SUV.” She licked her lips, pushing back her damp hair. “They’re totally going to trash your car.”
“Let them. Come on,” He stumbled around the car, heading for the Camelot’s main office. Veronica followed, clutching the back of his black t-shirt. His hand flew out, winding behind his back and awkwardly supporting her before she tripped them both.
The clerk at the front desk watched them warily, setting down her magazine. “Can I help you?” She called before they reached her.
“We need a room.” Logan said a bit too loudly, pressing his hands against the surface of the desk. Veronica rubbed her forehead against his shirt, and he tried to pull her away. “We need a room.” He repeated.
“Are you all right?” She asked, her eyes first on Veronica’s blonde hair peeking out over Logan’s shoulder, then on his bloody nose.
Logan quickly nodded, pulling his credit card out of his pocket. “Just give us the room...” He glanced at her name tag. “Michelle.” He held out the card, and she took it.
Veronica finally swung around, holding on to Logan’s arm tightly. “I’m still mad at you.”
“Yeah, I don’t care.” He snapped his fingers at the clerk, eyes closing as a rush of dizziness overwhelmed him. “A room!”
Veronica laughed as the now glaring clerk went to get a room key for the two. “You are having such a bad reaction to the drugs, Logan.” She nodded to herself, releasing Logan and leaning against the desk. “This never would’ve happened if you have just-”
“Veronica, I’m really freaking out right now, STOP talking.”
Michelle appeared once again, holding a single key on a red plastic key chain. “Room 103 is right around the corner.” Logan grabbed his card and the key, awkwardly turning around and walking toward the door, leading Veronica by the hand. “There’s a condom machine somewhere near the ice machine!” She offered before picking up her magazine again.
Now...
Veronica kept her eyes straight ahead as she walked down the hallway of Neptune High, wanting to get to her car as quick as possible. As expected, everyone had heard about her freak-out at Dick’s party, courtesy of Dick himself. Duncan, predictably, was not around to hear about the throwing of bottles, but that didn’t stop anyone from staring at her every time she entered a room.
She hadn’t seen Logan all day- either he was avoiding her, or he decided to cut most of his classes. Jackie, on the other hand, had surprisingly avoided Veronica for the entire day, ducking out whenever she appeared, and Veronica was glad to say she preferred it that way.
As much as her stubborn heart was telling her that she did the right thing, she knew that just wasn’t true. She wondered how much of her anger was directed at Logan, and how much of it was at herself. She could question herself as much as she could, but the guilt was always there to remind her that it was time to stop thinking. To stop worrying.
“Mars!”
A sharp intake of breath, and Veronica was off. She knew that shout anywhere...and she also knew she did not want to have the inevitable fight that was sure to happen if he caught up with her. Whether it be embarrassment or shame, she just knew she didn’t want, at that moment, to have a chat with Logan Echolls.
She pushed past students, trying to head for the door as fast as her legs could take her. “Move- excuse me...MOVE.” She muttered, already reaching in her pocket for her car keys.
Logan chased Veronica down the hallway, glossy paper in hand, shoving people aside. He picked up speed, catching up with her and grabbing her wrist, pulling her to a stop. Glancing around the crowd of mostly freshmen, he waited until he thought no one was looking before pulling her into the girls’ bathroom, slapping the ‘Out of Order’ sign on the door.
He shut the door behind him, bending over to grab the door stopper. Abruptly, the door opened, hitting his side and he promptly pushed back, slamming the door shut to some girl’s obvious displeasure. “Someone’s in here!” He said sharply, picking up the wedge of wood and forcing the door shut.
Straightening up, Logan stared at Veronica, digging his hands in his pockets. “Okay, avoid me like the plague. Fine. I’m used to it. I-” He cut himself short, walking from stall to stall, hitting the doors open. When he was satisfied that there was no one in the room with them, he faced her again, sighing. “We’re going to keep this quick and simple because I’m sure Clemmons is gonna barge in here in less than five minutes, and, also, I have a freakin’ horrible hangover-”
“Well, that explains why you weren’t in the FBLA meeting...” She replied curtly.
He smiled shortly, nodding as the grin disappeared. “I honestly think I should be the angry one, but that’s neither here nor there, is it?” She didn’t answer, her head lowering, and he waited until she looked up again. “Why?”
“You know why.”
“Veronica...” He chuckled slightly as she began to hang her head once more. “Are you mad at me or yourself?” He tilted his head to meet her eyes, and she quickly averted his gaze. “You can’t even look at me!”
Her head lifted abruptly, and she gave him a slight glare. “I’m embarrassed! You think I wanted to make an ass out of myself in front of half the school?”
“And yet you did it so splendidly!” He laughed, shaking his head. “I never thought I would ever see you throwing beer bottles. Especially at me. Quite the Lilly move, and I applaud you for not being a robot.”
She stared at him in dismay, slightly shocked that he wasn’t that mad, and even more surprised at how amusing he found the whole thing. She wondered if he was still drunk, surely that would explain his behavior, or lack of appropriate reaction. “This isn’t funny, Logan!”
“Oh, it’s hysterical.” He sighed, his laughter fading. “This is what I like, Mars. I like that part of you- I want you to get angry, to feel it,” He gritted his teeth, clenching his hands into fists in front of his chest to drive his point home. “To freakin’ let loose. You don’t have to be holier-than-thou all that damn time.”
Adjusting her bag, she leaned against the counter, staring at Logan’s sneakers. Anywhere but his eyes. “I was there to tell you that I was breaking it off with Duncan- I wanted you to know.”
He nodded, lowering his head. “Thank you. This was bordering on abusive behavior, Veronica Mars.” He said quietly. “I am becoming more and more like the villainous dick as this saga unfolds- we need to get this done as quickly as possible so Duncan can punch me and we can move on. It’s like ripping off a very big band-aid.” She gave him a small smile, and he touched her arm gently, getting her attention. “That thing with Jackie...it was nothing.”
Veronica was silent for a long moment, pressing her lips together. “I hate that you’re doing this.” She said dully.
His eyes narrowed abruptly in confusion, his hand sliding off her arm. “Doing what.”
“Changing. You- you decide to become this good...this better person after we break up?”
“I’m sorry, do you want me to be this bitter jackass again, ‘cause I can-”
The anger came bubbling to the surface again, and she inhaled sharply, trying to force it back. “Stop with the sarcasm for just one minute, Logan, please.” He closed his mouth, his eyes on her intently. “You’re...you’re just happy and doing things that you didn’t...” She trailed off, shaking her head. Words, as always, failed her when she needed them the most, and she felt like kicking herself. “I heard about your performance.”
Logan was quiet, pushing his hands back into his pockets. The truth came out, in full force. Out of all the reasons why she would be mad at him, he could safely say he wasn’t expecting this one. Naturally, he decided to settle on- “Did you like the buzz?”
She nodded shortly. “Yes. And that’s what I mean...you do this when we’re not together. You decide to do a one-eighty when we’re separated.” Her eyes locked on his. “Are you doing that intentionally?”
“Did it ever occur to you that this change I’m going through is because I don’t want to repeat my senior year? That maybe, just maybe, it’s possible that I don’t care what everyone expects of me and I just want to get the hell out of Neptune? That, surprisingly, I actually took your words to heart?” A frown formed on his face, and he pointed a finger at her. “You’re really self-involved, you know that?”
Gently, Veronica clutched at Logan’s hand, gathering his fingers in her fist. “I think I deserve to be, Logan Echolls.”
After a long silence, he nodded, twisting and curling his hand so his fingers were entwined with hers. “Now that we’re done with all that drama, how exactly were you planning to extract your fiery revenge on me?”
She shrugged slightly, giving him the tiniest of smirks as she took a step closer. “Furry porn.”
“Ah.” A smile played on his lips, his eyes on hers as he moved forward. “Provocative. I expected nothing less.” His free hand pushed her hair off her face. “Come here,” He whispered, leaning down.
Their lips touched briefly, Veronica pulling away to give him a stern look. “This whole good guy thing is just a phase, isn’t it?” A slight grin formed, her eyes slowly twinkling with a certain fire. “I like the nice guy, but I don’t want you to become a complete wuss...”
He chuckled, running his fingers through her hair. “Veronica, if you want me, here I am, warts and all.” He tilted his face towards her, his lips brushing against hers. “And I like you, just the way you are.” He pressed his lips against hers, and she responded, slowly opening her mouth for him.
A loud bang came on the door, and they jerked away from each other, staring at the door.
“Logan Echolls, come out of the girls’ bathroom, immediately!”
Logan sighed, facing Veronica again. “And that’s my cue.” He whispered, nodding toward one of the stalls. “Exit, stage left.” He kissed her cheek gently before heading for the door.
Veronica dashed to the nearest stall, holding off until Logan turned around again to blow him a quick kiss. He smiled slightly, giving her a slight bow before bending over to pull out the door stopper. She slammed the stall door shut, waiting.
Logan opened the door, feigning a look of surprise as the students behind the vice principal began to clap. “Mr. Clemmons, I demand you put some bigger signs around here- THIS is not the boys’ bathroom!”
Clemmons glared at him, pulling the ‘Out of Order’ sign off the door and looking over his shoulder into the bathroom. “Mr. Echolls, you are on strike three.”
“It was worth it, sir.” He held his hands out in front of him, wrists connected. “Take me away.” Clemmons grabbed Logan’s shoulder, steering him towards the main office. Logan glanced at Clemmons, lowering his hands. “It wouldn’t be wise to start shouting Attica, huh?”
* * * * *
“Veronica!”
Veronica glanced over her shoulder, spotting Jackie leaning against the counter. The Hut was dim, but she could clearly see that Jackie wasn’t holding the same self-satisfied look that previously had been on her face. She straightened up, setting down the tray of glasses near the back counter. “Want a macchiato?” She called coolly.
Jackie walked along the counter until she was directly in front of Veronica. “Listen, before you throw something-” Veronica’s jaw clenched, and Jackie allowed a small smile to grace her features. “It might not mean anything, but I’m sorry.” Veronica raised her eyebrows, and she quickly continued. “I kissed him, if that makes anything better. He was a bit tipsy and so was I and he was being so nice to me-”
“So, naturally, the next move was to make out with him.” Veronica replied with fake understanding, nodding her head. Jackie was almost completely indifferent to the words that were coming out of her mouth, and Veronica had to wonder just how genuine she really was.
“No! It was just a kiss, I swear. It wasn’t going to go anywhere- I’ve done more with Wallace.”
A frown perched on her lips, and she turned away from Jackie, reaching for the tray again. “Too much information.”
“Veronica,” The quiet in Jackie’s voice made Veronica turn around, and she stared at her, waiting. “He’s been one of the only people who has been nice to me since I’ve moved here. The kiss wasn’t sexual. He was there and he was grinning at me in that stupid, goofy way of his and I thought, why not?” She lowered her head for a moment, her curls obscuring her face.
Veronica leaned against the counter, her face inches from Jackie’s. “Aren’t you going to tell me to pick one or something? To stop being selfish and-”
“No.” Her head lifted. “I will tell you that I personally think that the only reason you’re going after him again is because he doesn’t need you and is actually a lot happier without you, and that really bugs the crap out of you.”
Veronica’s eyes narrowed. “I really think you should stop talking, because you know nothing about us, and you definitely don’t know anything about me.”
She frowned slightly. “Whatever. Are you going to tell Wallace?”
“Jackie, I haven’t talked to Wallace in ages.” She said shortly, pushing back off the counter and staring at her hard.
She nodded slowly, the smugness already creeping back onto her face. “Well, if you do, tell him to give me a call.” She spun around on her heels, heading for the door.
Veronica watched Jackie walk out, teetering between feeling pity for the girl and getting pissed off. She supposed that was as close to a civil, sincere conversation as they could get, and she also guessed that somewhere in that mess, Jackie was actually letting her see some form of weakness. The wonders never cease.
“The times, they are a-changing.” Veronica muttered to herself, picking up the tray of glasses and heading for the kitchen.
* * * * *
Keith wiped at his mouth, setting down his fork. “So, this lady, this really old lady with blonde, BLONDE hair that her dog kept chewing on ran up to me and was all Don’t you know who I am? I am the heiress of some company! Give me those pictures! And I’m-” He cut himself off, watching his daughter as she stared ahead blankly, weakly holding her fork. “Honey?”
Veronica blinked, giving her father a slight smile. “I’m here.” He gave her a wry grin, and she nodded. “Old lady, dog, pictures- go.”
He reached for his glass of wine, watching Veronica as she stabbed her fork into her grilled chicken. No, she wasn’t giving him her undivided attention before, but he was sure of how to change that. “Sleuthing misadventures aside, I spoke with Logan a couple of days ago...”
She stopped chewing the chicken in her mouth, pushing it to the side with her tongue. “Did you? Why?”
“Yeah- there’s my girl!” She rolled her eyes, and he nudged her with his knuckle. “If I am to be honest for a moment, I went there to find out what happened at the hospital,” She lowered her fork, and he quickly continued, unwilling to have Veronica run out of the room. “I tried the good cop approach, and he didn’t really fall for it. I think I just creeped him out.” He frowned, thinking. “He was never that chatty around me.”
“That’s because you terrify him.” She deadpanned, swiftly getting herself together. “Must you scare all the schoolchildren of Neptune, dad?”
Keith chuckled. “That’s why I was sheriff, sweetie.” He leaned back in his chair. “You know I’m going to find out what happened, right?”
She inhaled slowly, lowering her hands to her lap. “You want to know what happened?” He nodded, and she mimicked him. It didn’t have to be the complete truth, but she could at least give him something so he would back off. “I talked to Logan about his dad’s trial like I told you I was going to. He invited me to a rave that weekend. We went-”
“Not before Logan bought off someone trying to sell evidence in a murder investigation.” At her look, he shrugged. “I know people, Veronica. You two should’ve known better.”
“Yes.” A slight blush fell on her cheeks, and she nodded. “We...we went to the rave, Logan was being an ass...he got into a fight. We left, and he got beat up by the guys he was fighting at the rave. That’s it.”
“That’s what upset you so much?”
“You watch someone you care about get beat up and see if you’re perfectly fine with it.” Veronica murmured. The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the slightly glossed over truth. “Sorry for not telling you.”
“You had me really worried, Veronica. Is it all over?”
She nodded. “As far as I know. Logan isn’t going after them, so...” She let out a huff of breath, looking up at her father. “I’m not happy, dad.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at her. “I’ve noticed.”
“This thing with Duncan just isn’t working out...he’s not the same, I’m not- everything’s changed.”
“You’ve both had a tough couple of years, honey. It’s natural for you guys to not be the same people you were.” Keith tried gently.
She shook her head. “No...we’ve really changed. I’m not happy and I’m kind of angry, daddy.”
“You know you don’t have to be with him if you don’t want to, Veronica.”
Veronica leaned forward, her fingers holding on to the edge of the counter. “What about Logan?”
“What about-” His eyes widened slightly in realization. “Ah. And it all becomes clear.” He sighed, rubbing at his forehead. “Logan...I’ve known Logan since you two were twelve, and he’s a good kid sometimes, but...”
“But...” She prompted quietly.
“He’s self-destructive. He has a temper, he obviously has a drinking problem, he’s a bit of a smartass,” He ticked off the list swiftly, looking at the ceiling. “And, really, I’m not comfortable with you alone in the backseat of a car with him.”
“He’s also loyal, smart, and he always tries to protect me.” She smiled slowly. “All he needs is someone to set him straight...maybe someone to point a gun at his car...”
Keith chuckled slightly. “Veronica, I am not going to scare Logan into changing his ways.” There was a sharp knock on the door, and both looked toward it. He stood, pointing at Veronica. “To be continued.” Swinging the door open, he smiled brightly. “Duncan!” He said loudly, getting his daughter’s attention. “It’s been a while.”
Veronica forced a tight smile, giving Keith’s back a mock thumbs-up.
Duncan smiled slightly at Keith, glancing down at the ground. “Nice to see you again, Mr. Mars. May I speak with Veronica, please?”
“It’s Keith, Duncan, and of course, you can.” He turned towards Veronica, his eyes on hers. “It’s for you, honey.”
This was it.
Veronica gave her father a small grin, climbing to her feet. “Hey.” She said to Duncan, and he quickly looked to the ground again. She walked past her father, touching his arm slightly on the way. “I’ll be back later, dad.”
“I’ll be here.” Keith said quietly, watching as Duncan took Veronica’s hand, leading her to his car. Closing the door behind him, Keith nodded to himself, walking over to the table and gathering the dishes. When she came back, he would be waiting with open arms.
The silence that followed as they sat in Duncan’s car was excruciating, with Veronica staying as far away on her side as possible, and Duncan drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. Veronica wondered what the whole point of him bringing her out here was, and then, as if on cue, Duncan turned, facing her.
“I want to know, right now, what happened between you and Logan.” He said firmly. “Dick told me about the party and I know there’s something you guys aren’t telling me. It’s killing me.”
She stared at Duncan hard, her heart beginning to race. Stall, she needed to stall. “You never showed-”
“I had a lot of other things to worry about. Obviously.” He cut her off, shrugging. “But, now, we have a minute alone and I want to know. I think I deserve to know.”
She nodded, slowing looking down at her lap. “We went to the rave, like I told you...”
He licked his lips, leaning back in his seat and staring straight ahead as she spoke quietly. “Okay.”
“Logan got into a fight with a bunch of Weevil’s buddies. And then we fought at the Camelot.” Veronica muttered, glancing at him. All she could see was darkness and more darkness, the thin light of the moon not enough for her to read his expression.
“You fought at the Camelot.” Duncan repeated, and she could almost see his brow furrowing in thought. “What were you fighting about?”
“Everything. We fought and we were fighting. Gloves off, screaming...Jerry Springer without the chair throwing.” She paused. “At least I didn’t throw a chair.”
“What were you fighting about.”
“I-I don’t remember what we were fighting about at first, but...everything. Later, it was everything.”
“So...all you did was fight? After the fight at the rave?”
“No.”
A sharp intake of breath at her answer, and he was quiet for a long moment.
“Duncan?” Veronica whispered, looking over at him.
His reply was quiet, a bit too restrained and measured, a carefully practiced and perfected show of composure. No, dad, Lilly didn’t push me outside in my underwear, I locked myself out. Veronica’s my sister, it’s wrong, and I understand. Logan and Veronica hanging out behind my back is fine, just fine... “Tell me.”
“Duncan, please.”
“No. Tell me.”
Veronica closed her eyes, clutching her hands tightly in her lap. “We had left the party after the fight, and we were okay. We drove back to the Camelot because it was really late and we were tired and Logan was a bit too out of it to drive me home...”
Then...
Veronica wasn’t quite sure what the hell had happened.
They had reached their room, and were safely inside. Logan had continued to fidget and sweat as the drugs worked their way through him (badly), and she had kept talking and sweating and she wasn’t quite sure what she told him, but whatever it was, it had angered him, and he was seriously pissed off.
“Logan, we’re both drunk...high...whatever. Let’s just calm down and then we’ll talk about this like adults-”
“FUCK calming down, we’re discussing this NOW.” He wiped at his forehead before pushing up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows. She crossed her arms tightly, turning away from him, and he stepped closer. “Stop being a bitch and fucking talk to me, Veronica! You don’t say something like that-”
“Isn’t it true?” She shot back loudly, spinning around and facing him. “I’m not lying, right? You- you cheated on Lilly and you-”
“ONCE. But, hey, let’s forget all the shit she did, right?” He pointed an accusatory finger at Veronica, hatred in his eyes. “You were supposed to be my friend- you should’ve told me she was playing me behind my back. YOU should’ve told me what she was doing so I wouldn’t kill myself loving her all those fucking years-”
“Logan, you were so jealous-”
“Can you blame me?!” He let out a laugh. “She was giving it up to every guy who passed by when she was supposed to be the love of my life and I’M the asshole here?”
She shook her head in disbelief. “God, you hated Lilly, didn’t you? You never loved her! All you do is act like she never existed, like she was some slut!” He laughed, and she shook her head harder, glaring at him. “You treated her like crap in the end and you aren’t even sorry! You hated her and she knew-”
Something in Logan’s eyes changed, and he stepped up to her, fire blazing. “Fuck you.” He said quietly, the shaky wrath in his voice stopping her cold. “You know nothing about Lilly and me and what I felt or what we did. Nothing. Fuck you.”
Swallowing hard, Veronica nodded, her hands curling into fists. “Real mature, Logan.” She muttered.
“Always.”
“Almost as mature as harassing Duncan and I all the damn time,” Her voice got shakier as she went along, her nails digging into her palm. Now, she was getting angry. He looked at her in that arrogant way full of contempt, and she hated him for it. “Those snide remarks and insults- you so need to move on from this Duncan and me thing because it’s not ending and you’re looking more and more like a-”
He laughed a cold, cruel laugh, and she shuddered in anger. “Honey, right now, I’m not attracted to you. At all. You’re fucking UGLY.”
“You’re one to talk.” She snapped, glaring at him.
“Hey, at least I know what I am. I’ve never hidden anything- you’re such a fucking liar- you lie to your dad, to your precious boyfriend, you lie to yourself ALL the time.”
“I lie to protect people!” Veronica shot back, uncrossing her arms and nearly stomping toward him. “I never, EVER lie to harm anyone! I’m not like you, Logan!”
He shoved a finger in her face, and her eyes narrowed. “You and I are two of a kind, Veronica Mars, and you know it. You’re just as shady as I am- making kissy faces at Duncan is NOT going to change that.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “You are so far off, Logan...”
“Why did you dump me?” He asked abruptly, lowering his hand.
“What?”
“You fucking heard me, Veronica.”
“Because you weren’t changing.” He rolled his eyes, backing away. She took a step closer, wiping at the sweat seeming to pour down her face. “You were just being a jackass and everything that you used to be...” She crossed her arms stubbornly. “Everything I hated about you.”
He allowed the sting of her words to pass before replying. “Okay, now, the REAL reason why you dumped me, please.” She said nothing, glaring at him, and he started toward her, stopping a foot away from her. “God- you ignore me for weeks after leaving me with no- tell me what I did wrong, Veronica!”
“I just want to be normal. I wanted to be happy and like I was before and you ruined it.”
He laughed. “Yeah, right- normal. You! Veronica, you know damn well that you’re never, ever going to be normal.”
Veronica felt herself growing angrier as he talked, frustrated that her words weren’t hitting him, that he was refusing to understand. “I was trying- I tried and you were pulling me back with all that stupid crap. YOU made me miserable.” Her eyes closed shortly, and she inhaled shakily.
Just like that, she had let out what she had been holding in for months- what she had wanted to tell him before he was thrown out of her apartment. Yet, somehow, she didn’t feel better. It didn’t change anything that happened, no one was any happier, and she was still in this hotel room, fighting with Logan Echolls.
“I know I could have been better.” Logan said almost desperately, and her eyes flew open. “I know, I know, I KNOW. I should’ve stopped and not done any of that crap but you...you looked so unhappy and you stopped touching and kissing me-”
“Logan, that’s because you-”
“Veronica, this was when Duncan was stalking you at your job.” He licked his lips, blinking rapidly as his vision started to blur. “You stopped asking me to pick you up and-” He shook his head, swaying slightly. “I just knew it was over.”
Veronica shook her head swiftly, glaring at him. “No!”
“No WHAT.”
“No, you cannot make me feel guilty for what I did, Logan.” He opened his mouth to reply, and she took a step forward, her voice shaking with rage. “I’m not going to let you- you always do that and I’m not going to fall for it this time. I wanted to be normal, Logan and you're not going to make me feel guilty for wanting that! I wanted everything to be normal and I just couldn’t do that with you!”
“Oh, oh- please, don’t let me distract you from your normal life and your normal boyfriend and your NORMAL job.” He chuckled, taking a step forward. “Please, enjoy the caviar and the veal in Duncan’s fabulously expensive limo while he fucks gold digging models on the side,” He said, his tone mimicking a high society snob, his fingers twirling the ends of his imaginary mustache.
Veronica let out a shuddering breath, his words piercing into her heart. The target was there, and Logan managed to hit the bull’s eye, right in center. “Fuck you, Logan.”
Nodding, Logan gave her a mock salute, sneer in place. “Enjoy the lifestyle of the rich and even more RICH.”
She nodded furiously, unable to stop her hands from trembling. “Yeah, whatever. Get the fuck out.”
He rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Have a great life, Ronnie.” He took a step for the door.
Veronica’s shaking hands grabbed his jacket, pulling him to her. She yanked him down and her mouth slammed into his hungrily. He froze, his eyes wide open, hands in the air. After a couple of seconds, he began to respond, his eyes closing and his hands moving to her waist.
She could feel him shaking as hard as she was. In rage. In shock.
What it all was, she didn’t know. Closure for an abrupt end, release after an intense night, one more go for old time’s sake- she honestly didn’t know. What possessed her to do it and to continue on, she didn’t know and she was sure she wouldn’t know the next morning. What she did know was that his hands on her body felt almost heavenly, and it could’ve been the drugs, but nothing felt so right at that moment than his hands on her.
He sank to the bed and she climbed on him, straddling his lap. His hands moved over her hair, pushing it back off her face. As her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing their bodies together, his hands drifted down her back and her body shook harder at his touch, and she let out a slight moan as the palm of his hand pressed into her lower back, forcing her hips against his. His other hand gripped her side and moved her, back and forth, grinding her against him.
She gasped loudly and started to move at his urging, her fingers winding and clutching at his hair. She tried to push him back onto the bed but he resisted, keeping them level. Her eyes opened and met his and in his gaze she saw the fire that was there earlier mixed with lust. With passion. Desire.
Now...
“You guys kissed.”
Veronica glanced at Duncan, who remained frustratingly blank. “Yes. And then Weevil’s boys came in and beat up Logan. For what happened at the rave.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes.”
Duncan gave a quick nod, straightening up in his seat abruptly. “Error in judgement. A mistake. This is fine. We are fine.”
“Duncan.”
“We’re FINE.”
She jumped at the sharp rise in his voice, quickly looking down at her lap. “What’s happening with you and Meg? How is-”
“Veronica, this...” He shook his head. “That’s between Meg and I.”
“Duncan, you’re MY boyfriend.”
“And yet that didn’t stop you from making out with my best friend. AGAIN.” He inhaled sharply, closing his eyes. “It’s not like I planned this. She didn’t tell me she was pregnant-”
She looked up, her eyes on his. “She was in that crash- HOW was she going to tell you?”
“I know! I know, okay?”
“It’s not like Logan and I planned it either.” Veronica said quietly. “It just happened. I’m sorry.”
Duncan was still for a moment, inhaling slowly. “I want to keep the baby.” He barely glanced at Veronica, letting out a shaky breath. “It’s a girl.”
Veronica’s face crumbled, and she shook her head. “Wonderful. Congratulations.” She couldn’t stop the sharp pain of rejection from coursing through her, even though she knew she was here because their relationship was more or less over. “You can have your perfect, happy family now-”
“STOP talking to me like that, Veronica! I hate that!” Duncan shouted. “You don’t think I wanted this to work out? You don’t think I tried to believe that we could’ve been happy?”
“We could’ve tried.”
“We DID try! We did and...come on, Veronica, do you honestly see yourself being a housewife with a bunch of kids?”
Veronica let out a laugh, shaking her head. “Is that it? You don’t think I would make a good wife?”
“Do you?” He shot back. “I can see myself growing old with Meg. I see her and I can see it- it’s there, my life is there in front of me. My life is right there, and it’s normal and perfect. With you, I see-”
“Do you see your SISTER, Duncan? Do you see me like your sister? Is that why you could never-”
“No!” Duncan buried his face in his hands, shaking his head. “God, no, Veronica.” His head lifted, and he stared at Veronica, a sudden sadness in his eyes. A startling despair. “I...I see you getting bored. I see you getting bored and doing what you’re doing now-”
Veronica turned towards him violently, waiting- wanting- for it all to explode. Wanting it to all end. “What am I doing now, Duncan? What!”
“You’re fucking around with Logan, that’s what you’re doing!” He said loudly, glaring at her. “And you’re going to keep doing it- I can’t fucking trust you!”
Her anger slowly began to subdue, and she let out a shaky breath. “God, Duncan.”
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his head dipping. “I never wanted to hurt you, Veronica...but I also didn’t want to be screwed over.”
“Same here.” She whispered, her gaze shifting to her lap.
Duncan was quiet for a long moment, the only sound being the radio, a woman’s low crooning filling the void. “Can we still be friends?” He murmured.
“Is that possible?”
“I don’t know.”
* * * * *
Logan exited the grocery store, clutching his paper bag tightly. Two microwave burritos and a bottle of Mountain Dew, and dinner was served. He hummed under his breath, tossing his car keys in the air and catching them. One week of detention and a night without the awkward silence that came with hanging out with Duncan for longer than ten minutes- it was a good day.
Weevil leaned against Logan’s XTerra, arms crossed. He gave Logan a forced smile as he got closer.
“Back for round two?” Logan called, slowing down and raising his arms in invitation. “As long as you don’t touch my nose, I’m down with it.”
“We need to talk.” Weevil calmly replied, pushing off the SUV.
He grinned. “About what? Your eye or what I’m going to do to the other one?”
“About how we’re going to deal with some very, very rude people.”
Logan’s eyes narrowed as he stared at Weevil, wondering what he was getting at. Weevil said nothing, waiting. After a long moment, Logan shrugged, nodding at his car. “Step into my office.”
* * * * *
Keith straightened up as the front door flew open, and Veronica stumbled inside. She was pale, and shaking, and he quickly walked toward her. “Veronica...” She shook her head quickly, moving past him and down the hallway. “Hey-”
“Give me a minute.” Her voice was quiet as she disappeared into her room.
Veronica gasped for air, rushing to her bathroom. That was it. It was all over. It was over and she was suddenly thrust into the unknown. She didn’t have anything to fall back on. Now it was nothing but darkness and she had to blindly feel her way through it.
For a single moment, she felt like she did after Lilly’s murder- alone and with no reasonable way to go. Except now, she knew a back road. And a partner, holding her hand for the journey. This wasn’t- couldn’t- be as bad as it felt at the moment.
She fumbled through the medicine cabinet, pulling out a long, sharp pair of scissors. Staring at the tarnished metal, she blinked back tears, fitting the handle around her fingers before lifting her head, gazing at her reflection. Her hand ran through her long blonde hair, each strand reminding her of what she was. What she was trying so damn hard to be again.
Not anymore.
Wordlessly, she began to cut, starting at the tips. When the even strands of her hair were destroyed, she clutched a wad of hair and cut, right below her chin. She was done being afraid. She wasn’t that girl anymore. She couldn’t be.
Another cut.
Her hair fell to the floor.