loving whoever was around to be loved and the 50 ways i can finish this sentence but how they all boil to: would have saved me so much time; or is it would have brought me so much heartache.

i think sometimes we think things mean things but they don't.

lamenting my one life again.  always.

i think i can't write anymore because these words aren't mine anymore, and the feelings they produce aren't mine but are so seriously my responsibility, you know?  you don't.  i won't even, coming back to read this, ten years from now (implausible!  impossible!  except that, implausibly, at the dawn of 2024 i find myself looking back at, being ( Read more... )

you would probably like me less if you knew me better.

i resent that we talk about our brains like computers.  that we network, that we peer to peer, that we connect even, now.  i will never.  i will never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  but, also, i know we live in a world where without wifi i die.

connect me to the universe, connect me to the internet, connect me to the information highway but oh my fucking ( Read more... )

death is so final and it has me thinking i am in the wrong timeline, that if i could only just.  i know what they say and i still don't though.

when i look back down the list, i realize i have been so, so lucky.  i hold my history close to my heart, and i feel so lucky to be able to do that.  or maybe i just hold it close to my heart and that makes me see it all through rose colored glasses.  i don't know.  or care.  it's mine.

57 x 57 is never 93 and it doesn't mean anything but it is what comes to my mind when i put this song that has unlocked something inside of me on repeat.  it is cold.  my feet are cold.  my heart has never, not once been warm.  or maybe it has.

i think a lot of how our morals aren't always visible.  like, that the driving force behind our ( Read more... )

idk recently i've been thinking about brandon lynch a lot.  i wonder why he stopped talking to me.  maybe i know / knew and blocked it out, because it is my fault and awful of me.  i do that.  i am not sure why anyone stops talking to me, but i do know it is always my fault.

i am coming to terms with the fact that no matter how many positive ways i can list to use the internet that actually it makes my brain bad. which is fine except that there is now no untangling all the good things from the brain mush. some of these things, these relationships (?) only exist in this plane. but also damn, it is turning my brain to ( Read more... )