You seem to be lost. I believe you're looking for this joint, housing the most unnecessary assorted bullshit known to man, juxtaposed by some of the most poignant.

What a statement.

A handful of days past, I relinquished my pride so-as to hell of speedway out of a computer lab due to my downside eruption of a most foul fart that undoubtedly caused an equally foul reaction from the random female parked next to me. Her knowledge of my accurate guilt is undeniable. But damn man her awkward blank stare masking her obvious ( Read more... )

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This is the contents of a file on my desktop, wherein lies the beginnings of a that which will never be completed, for reasons obvious and unquestionably likewise.
Young, freshly-intrepid Tobias meandered into the kitchen with the determination much the same as a grandfather clock's to annoy the shit out of your houseguests at the stroke of ( Read more... )

I am convinced the earliest memories anyone has is after or during the time in one's life when the ability to not crap one's pants is ascertained and fundamentally mastered ( Read more... )

I should probably remember to tell you all that I forget to update this thing.

So here is a list of shit I do update. Or at least update more frequently.

lardpirates.com
lpnet
the poopdeck - community drawings (swabs), usually offensive and completely random
the thing - community articles (spanks), usually offensive and completely random

my own ( Read more... )

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

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World hunger was solved today when a giant fat man exploded in the middle of New York City. Scientists say that the entire population of the world can live off the deceased man's fat for the next three thousand years. Osama bin Laden was found to have been living in the man's stomach, and is now in custody and covered in bile.

A few days ago, when no one was looking, I streaked through a local school for the blind. Well, everyone was looking, but nobody saw me. So, it didn't really pay off the way I'd hoped, but sometimes you have to cut your losses. Nevermind, forget that. Never cut anything while you're streaking. You'd go nuts handling those losses.

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: RUSSELL CROW HAS MAILED HIS OWN FACE TO A LOTTERY WINNER IN SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS. THIS IS NOT SO MUCH AN INFORMATIVE ANNOUNCEMENT AS IT IS A SEVERE WARNING: COMING IN DIRECT CONTACT WITH SAID FACE COULD RESULT IN MILD HERNIAS AND A NEW TYPE OF CANCER CALLED "BREATH CANCER" WHERE EVERY TIME YOU BREATH, YOU GET ( Read more... )