Barnaby

[violaconspiracy]

Rebecca had already started lighting the candles for the evening when her youngest, Josiah, arrived home. As he rushed into the house, he brought a gust of wind with him that caused the small flames to dance and sputter.

"Slow down, boy, or I'll have to re-light every candle in the house!" she chided him. But there was laughter in her voice.

"

Comments

[fodschwazzle]

I like Barnaby. We need someone to eat the apples.

[violaconspiracy]

What if I want to eat the apples?

[mistearyusdiva2]

" The orchard represented safety ..."

Or so Rebecca thought !!! Loved the twist.

[violaconspiracy]

Apparently, owning an apple orchard comes with certain liabilities where apple-loving demons are concerned. Thank you for taking the time to read!

[bleodswean]

You just won. All of it. Everything.

This is publishable. And utterly chillingly wonderful.

[violaconspiracy]

Thank you so much! I've never won all of the everything before!
I really don't know yet if writing is something I'm serious enough about to think about publication, but the thought is starting to cross my mind more often.

[halfshellvenus]

I knew Barnaby would turn out to be real, though you painted the opportunities for Rebecca to believe the obvious and sensible things so thoroughly. This would be exactly the kind of story a child would tell, and get wrong in their head until the believe that it's true.

The problem comes when it really is.

[violaconspiracy]

So true. I guess it's kind of a "cry wolf" sort of thing. Kids come up with all kinds of outlandish stuff so often, how are adults supposed to know when it's actually real?

[similiesslip]

That is so true. My students do all kinds of things to get attention, including faking that their legs are bleeding and faking seizures that I am always scared I will assume a kid is faking when it is finally a true emergency!

I like the world you created here, as creepy as it is. Very week-written! I kept wanting to know what happens next. Will this story continue? :)

[violaconspiracy]

There are many aspects of this world and the people in it that were developed in my head but didn't actually make it into this story. So there is definitely room to expand. Whether that happens as part of LJ Idol, I don't know. I think the nature of the story is such that this piece would be necessary to understanding any subsequent parts, and I prefer LJ Idol entries to stand on their own.

[kajel]

I doubt Rebecca has enough apples to keep baking pies all year. This does not bode well. Nicely done.

[violaconspiracy]

Indeed. She's definitely in a sticky predicament.