Comments | vitiatrix: A modern question...

vitiatrix

A modern question...

Feb 12, 2011 01:23

What is the etiquette to determining if you've been shunted/friend-zoned after a good date? The rule is that if you're not interested you don't let things advance, right? Not that you try to go to bed with someone, then get floppy and while asserting over and over that you want to see the person again fall asleep on them, and then text them ( Read more... )

Comments 9

xxbluegirlxx February 12 2011, 20:25:36 UTC

In theory, getting it out in the open is the best solution. I say email him and find out what's up. If he doesn't reply, at least then you know, and you can move on to greener pastures. Call him on his bullshit, y0.

vitiatrix February 12 2011, 21:33:16 UTC

Yeah, currently drafting short email.. it's hard to keep the WTF!?!?!?! tone out of my writing though, heh.

the_impassive February 12 2011, 20:38:41 UTC

I agree, straight call him out. Voice is preferable to email so you can pick up cues.

And I wouldn't bother being snarky to him if he turns out to be a loser - it's not worth the energy, plus it would let him walk away convinced that you are a nutty bitch or whatever. Just shrug and walk on, ain't no thing. But do give him a chance to explain. However, if you're feeling jerked around, well, your gut's good at knowing those things.

Meanwhile, there are plenty of reasons someone would backpedal after a good date that aren't related to you. Maybe he has weeping sores on his dick.

vitiatrix February 12 2011, 21:32:23 UTC

I was thinking send an email that's just a relaxed confirm/deny? because i dug this dude but its not the end of the world. and if he's going to have soft-dick problems everytime I see him.. well its only a matter of time before either he blames that on me and/or I lose interest. massive mental connection only goes so far, right?

(I saw the dick in question and its mot recent test results, so we're good there.. I think its more an ED thing? Male friends tell me they totally drop out if they fail with someone first go.)

And I ask particularly because my I no longer trust my gut feelings.. well, or I trust them but they're deeply clouded by bad apples from the past and my resultant self esteem issues.

The other half of my brain is saying "squiddy, just leave it, you know you like answers better than vagueness but by asking would you look like the crazy-person here?"

(The comment has been removed)

vitiatrix February 14 2011, 09:07:18 UTC

I did ask, I sent a totally nice mail about how I had fun and would like to see him again.. and I got such a weird email in reply that I just dropped it. It was half him saying "I just haven't thought about it, even though we had this insane email thing going on, and nightly phonecalls and all that, but I've kinda forgotten to think about you" and half "you're not attractive enough to get me hard, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore, because I want someone I won't have to justify to my friends, even though you're super cool to hang with". There was a weird frisson of "you should have waited for me to decide if I wanted to see you again instead of asking" too, which I'm like.. uh, that contradicts your first thing, asswipe ( ... )

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