Absolutely MUST stop waking up with these awful thoughts dogging me! Yesterday, it was less thoughts than grey headachy muffling cloud, which I was unable to shake, and today! I am disgusted! Terrible thoughts of a revolting mistake that would never happen! Just the suggestion is enough to be terrible terrible. And just when I could count on ( Read more... )

Ohoh Animal Planet! The past few days have been all housewivery and baby animals and then superfitness, and of course no thesis at all. There's simply no time! There are loads of laundry to be done and miles to run and dinners to make and mending to do (for serious, this is scary) and baby tigers to watch grow up into adolescent tigers! I could ( Read more... )

It's so silly, the way this family works. As if the unit itself shows bipolar tendencies, working seamlessly and happily for weeks on end, then, out of nowhere, showing the pulls and tears, or pulling and tearing so much that stray pieces go flying out, and out of the house in a flurry of anger and tears. Then, days later, fine again. I simply ( Read more... )

Disgusting nesting tendencies manifest themselves every winter, and it's all I can do to think about things other than babez and animals and baking and spices. And I guess home (or what bit of it I'll get this break) is looking pretty nice, but I might just be saying that. I'm aching without the rhythms and schedules of these past few months. I ( Read more... )

Figured it out: the real reason I'm upset is because I had a very unsatisfying bowel movement today, and now I'm full of really lame farts. LIFE IS SO HARD!

Realization of mediocrity and then serious embarrassment for the shoddiness my half-realized accomplishments (which are doomed to half-accomplishment, because I can't do things well, only late, and half-assed) are two things that I don't want to deal with this week, but it only makes sense. Missteps and mistimings wouldn't throw me for such a loop ( Read more... )

I'd like to develop a more purposeful stride. Loud shoes, minimal motion in the shoulders, held high, wide gait. I like the idea of conveying so much so untruthfully and so easily. Playing with physical comportment is a tricky thing, the self-conscious manipulation of presentation, placing meaning in the simplest of actions. Image image image. ( Read more... )

It's odd, given the vastly different places I've been in each year, how each October break is imbued with this same eerie, rootless, nostalgic melancholy that my mind and body marinate in when said mind and body are not completely wrapped up in something else. The problem is, of course, the beauty of break: that there is room for thought and ( Read more... )

The cheese/tilapia?/not food from us? blanket that is coating the burner of our oven is making my life really, really hard right now. I think I did the right thing today. I was trapped in the room with a thick cloud of old worries that would not get out, no matter how much I opened the windows and the doors and said, "please, I'd like to spend ( Read more... )

Oh, hey ( Read more... )