Yesterday was another really hard day. Some moments of tears and some moments of strength. Heather got in to town so it's nice to have the family together for this. We went to see mom at the hospital and I talked to her as soon as I entered the room and one of the machines spiked high with respiratory, so I am convinced she knew I was there and ( Read more... )

I'm in a nightmare but I'm not waking up. I slept maybe 3 hrs. I'll start at the beginning, for those that don't know what is going on. On Monday night my parents returned from Disney and my mom said she felt really tired and worn out. Not too unusual for the walking around all weekend thing. For those that have been to Disney know it's a lot of ( Read more... )

I almost never post here. No one seems to want to be my friend and read what I write. But it's mainly cause I prefer opendiary. But it's done due to security reasons. I hope they figure it all out. I rely on my journal to write and get stuff out of my head ( Read more... )

She stated ( Read more... )

My aunt Dawn found out about 2 months ago that she has cancer. It started in her gall bladder and spread to her liver. It's pretty well advanced. They brought in hospice last week to talk to her and help out. She will hopefully get to go move in with my aunt Donna and die there. I talked to her on the phone today. I cried the whole time. I tried ( Read more... )

I've about had it. I have left therapy for the 2nd time in 2 weeks, both times leaving and ready to give up. I know everything Theresa says is right and I need to suck it up and just follow what she says. But my immature, rebellious side gets so pissed and feels like it's just impossible. She wants me to stop saying how hard things are and do them ( Read more... )

I spent 10 days in Wekiva Springs cause I was going to jump off a bridge. Had the one picked out and all. But the part of me that wants to live spoke up ( Read more... )

Here's what I just sent my therapist ( Read more... )

Not sure if I mentioned that I have had nightmares the last 4 nights and so I am having a hard time going to sleep tonight. And I have to be up in less then 6 hrs for work. This is going to be fun. :( I got angry with Jen's bf and that set off my mood and I am having a hard time calming down. It was really no big deal. He promised to give me $10 ( Read more... )

I was trying so hard last night not to do coke....but caved. I didn't wanna feel. What did I not want to feel? I don't want to even go there!! Maybe I will in therapy. But I gave in and did the coke...for a few hours. Then was up til 5am. Finally when the coke wore off I binge....not as bad as I could have, but it was 23456 miles a minute and ( Read more... )