I may be human, but even i get astonished by how badly i can fuck up, repeatedly; by sheer loss of sense or self-control. it's amazing how i can take good luck, as rare as it is, and just utterly piss it away with incompetence. it's even worse when it's the result of simply not holding control of myself and involving too much emotion into my ( Read more... )

These past few months have mostly been me hanging in a repeating the days like a broken record. I still think about the same issues of how I'd like to be in the financial status to rent out an apartment and live w/ just me and my daughter. I hate how i'm pretty much dependent for a home. And I don't really bring much up about what bothers me. And ( Read more... )

Every so often the mix of life obstacles, certain moments, and perfect songs hit me in such a way that I find it challenging to not saying at all. Most of us put in our best effort to push through life without much fuss or comment. Most of us give our all and don't accept failure as an option. Most of us don't accept the obstacles of life as an ( Read more... )

Most days anymore I'm clueless on what to say or how to say it, so I don't. And most days, I just feel everything, and try to ignore it. I'm in environment I hate, a job that hate can't even describe, a financial situation I can't fix, family that pisses me off, and friends that abandon me. This place sucks so much ass I really don't have any ( Read more... )

I hate how my dreams haunt me while sleeping, i hate how it affects my entire day by reminding me of something I'm trying to get over, trying to forget, trying to fix, trying to accomplish....or just simply trying and failing at it. So much is starting to go on, and much more is about to happen when I get full custody of Madison. It's really making ( Read more... )

For 2 decades, i have called one place home... no matter where i was living or who i was living with. But for the first time, it's no longer home. 2 days ago my grandparents split up, and i found myself packing up my stuff as well as my child's and spending a couple nights in a hotel with my grandma. And now, so much about my situation, plans, ( Read more... )

I've been thinking alot lately and I've been trying to get ready for another crazy ride through life again. My mind has been all over. I'm gunna make it mandatory that by this 2nd season (March) of college to enroll and be back in. idk if i'll go back up north, or down in Indiana, but i think Indiana cuz that's where I've decided would be the best ( Read more... )

I'd give almost anything right now to be able to hear some inspiring words from my mother or have her encourage the fact I'm trying so hard at life right now. Everyday I'm at words or biting my tongue with people trying to beat me down, push buttons, scratch at old wounds, mock my extreme effort that i put towards Madison. I'm so aggravated that I ( Read more... )

As always, i'm hangin onto life and enjoying every little bit that i can. Stuff bothers me from time to time, and some stuff more than others. i'm in a tough spot right now, trying to situate myself in a career and trying to make out what and how i should be handling the parenting perdicament and wondering what certain steps to take. i know how to ( Read more... )

Lately I've been writing in here, mainly cuz most of what i write about, the things that i need to get out of my head and onto paper or words, is too personal or don't want others seeing. i'm a private person i guess; there's much about me that i only allow certain to ever know about me. i dunno, i just put on this pose, a front, an act, a lie of a ( Read more... )