yet another venting session...

[vsecret19]

So here I am....sitting in an empty room after the girls have left & there's about a million things running through my mind right now. What happened to me? Why can't I feel anything? Why aren't I happy? Am I ever going to be able to get myself back to normal? I feel like I'm in some sort of catatonic state. I walk around...I'm blank...I can't

Comments

[objctofmymisery]

You know that quote, "the show must go on"? Well, it doesn't have to. You've just got to be brave enough to step off of the stage and be you, you as in the Vicki that you know, not the Vicki that's on the stage all of the time. Remember when Micah said that the one thing he hopes we never feel is helplessness? IT SUCKS! I've been there, believe me I know. But you're already there and as your friend, I am going to get you the hell out. I know what it's like. I know that it's like a big black cloud just following you around all of the time. You try to hide it, but eventually, it's going to grow until you can't anymore. And then, you're only going to push away the people that care most about you and are willing to help you through this. Unfortunately, I'm not going to be pushed away. I know that you feel like it's annoying to have to listen to you, but you want to know HONESTLY what's even more annoying? Watching you smile and know that there's no depth there. The smile ends in the same place that it begins and behind it,

[objctofmymisery]

Do you know the quote "the show must go on"? Well, it doesn't have to. That applies only when it's a real play or musical - NOT IN LIFE. All you have to do is build up the courage to come out from behind the curtains and be Vicki - not the Vicki that everyone always sees or that you think that everyone wants to see - the Vicki that you really are. The one that your close friends know that you are. We care about you more than anything. And if that caring ends when you need us the most - then we fucking suck. But I can GUARANTEE that it does not. We are friends till the end. We will always be there for each other because it's the only thing that will get us through this life. You say you feel helpless. That's scary. I know the feeling. You're not alone. I know that you're scared of being annoying, but the thing that you have to realize is, knowing that there's no depth to your smile is just as bad. Everytime I watch you laugh I know that all of the happiness I see in your face ends there. It kills me. I know that behind

[vsecret19]

lyss- i cannot tell you how much your comment meant to me. i cried when i read it. you're such an amazing friend. i don't think you know how much i really needed to hear that from someone. honestly, if no one else comments this entry..that would be okay because i know you heard it. thank you for being so supportive when i've been so grumpy lately. i love you. big hugs.

[jvit]

whether or not you still want me in your life, just know that you can always come to me when you need it...i know you. i know you inside and out and because of that i know i can help you...especially in a time like this...think about it