I was talking to Amy again tonight, she called "just to chat", it ended with us talking about what her and Jeremy had talked about earlier this evening. Jeremy is afraid I am going to leave him, well, maybe I will and maybe I won't. Amy told me that Jeremy had told her that he had been thinking a lot lately, a lot about me. She told me that he had ( Read more... )

Tomorrow it will have been two days since we last spoke. I'm slowly realizing that I am the glue that held us together. Of course, I'm also this us I speek of, there isn't any us, only the dellusion I like to believe is us. God, what is happening to me? I haven't tried to contact him just to see what would happen, and now I wish I hadn't, because I ( Read more... )

"You remember when you said that no matter how happy I was with you, it would never be enough?" "I vuagly remember that conversation." "Well, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, that's why I've been avoiding you for the last couple of weeks. I just kind of realized, that you were right. No matter how happy you make me, you can never ( Read more... )

"You need someone stable. Someone who's going to be there for you. Soemone who's going to call you and want to talk to you. You know? Someone who's going to want to hold your hand and care for you." "I know, and I know he can do that for me, he used to." "Honey your in denial. You already have somebody who does all those things" "But that's ( Read more... )

I wish our plans hadn't fallen through. He tried his best, I know, but god damnit. I really wanted to see him. I really needed to see him. I had such a bad day. He was to be my light in the endless sea of shadows which made up the day. He told me to call him after work, I didn't, I couldn't. I almost cried when he said he couldn't come. I wonder if ( Read more... )

I get to see him tomorrow! I can't wait! I wonder if he will like my new look? I wonder if his look has changed? I wonder if actually seeing him will change anything between us? I doubt it will, but who knows? I wonder if he will hug me? I know I'll have to fight the urge to glomp him. I remember this one time at the end of the year last year in ( Read more... )

While I was at the beach I decided on some things. One, I refuse to be desparate anymore, or at least I refuse to show it. I don't see how George even puts up with me, I'm so annoying I'm even starting to annoy myself. I have thrown myself at him so much I think he gets the point by now, besides, I'm tired of always being thrown back. Two, I do ( Read more... )

I have to figure things out. I know what my heart tells me, but my mind tells me otherwise. What if George loves Jeff more? What a selfish thing to think, but still, I wonder. What if I ditch Jeremy and pour my heart and soul into George, only to be ditched myself? I never was good at second best, but that is what I must settle for if I want to be ( Read more... )

Wow, it's nice to have a place where I can say whatever I want without having to worry about the wrong person seeing it, cause no one knows about it. Anyway, I am currently in freak out mode, trying to figure out what the hell I'm going to do. I'm trying to compaire them in my mind, make a list of pros and cons, but how can you explain love? It's ( Read more... )