Kinda falling apart right now. I cannot sleep anymore, and if I do, I cannot wake up. I do not sleep, in fear that I will not wake up. Overeating and over obsessing about body image. I am not productive, no. I just sit there aimlessly, numb. Waiting for a bolt of lightening to hit me. I watch dramas non-stop, self-consumed by imaginary people’s ( Read more... )

My life has been a freaking living nightmare these past few weeks. I seem to be extraordinarily good at screwing myself over. All these instances are due to MY stupidity and now I have to pay for my mistakes ( Read more... )

I never thought that I would wake up in a hospital. Especially though the means of sheer stupidity.

How I wish all of this was just all a bad dream.
    

Every time I reach a breaking point. And another. And another. And another. I always think it might be the last one at rock bottom. But now I don’t know anymore. It seems like it continues going down, until I’m buried underground. I feel as if I’m already six feet under. There’s a downhill from downhill ( Read more... )

So it’s been two weeks since I’ve had my last cigarette. You have no idea how much I missed smoking, but I managed to subdue my impulses. I had to stop because I’ve been sick for far too long and smoking just made it worse by giving me chronic coughing. I’ve been coughing literally for three or four months straight. During the past couple of weeks ( Read more... )

I do so much for others and I end up feeling stupid and unappreciated more often than not. But what can I do about it. Nothing. Nothing but perhaps stop being so nice.

I always end up making myself feel miserable.

Honestly, I just want to disappear. And I really don’t think anyone would give a fuck.
     

Day of Silence
~Think of all the voices you are Not hearing today~
I am in so much conflict, with so much pent up confusion and despondency, that my chest has been hurting a lot lately. Repression is fun. Doesn’t always work. But. I’m almost becoming numb to these thoughts and feelings. Yes there are still there. But. It’s like I’m outside of myself ( Read more... )

A flowing visionary. Multifaceted, malleable figure yearning for change and influence. There are cracks and deterioration in this imagery. Darkness threatening to swallow yet giving it life all the same.
    

Falling down that rabbit hole again. It’s a slow fall with thoughts sprinkled through the air. Thoughts of darkness and burning seep through the cracks. Unintentional words and underpinnings, wishes to melt away.

The words fled from me. And I am left with the longing of overture.
    

Midst of spring break. I have to say it’s been pretty enjoyable.

I know the reason for this fatigue now. And why I am physically falling apart.

To say that this break has been therapeutic would not be the correct word. More like a moment of fresh air.