Rossum's Fun Time

[wallycaine]

Why the hell do I have to keep such a tight hold on my emotions? Why can't I ever manage to say what I really feel, at least not when it seems to matter? I just so damned used to holding everything inside... and I don't even know why I bother with it. Am I that scared of the reaction? Or is it just because it's a habit, and it's easier to keep it

Comments

[jeffreycwells]

Hard to answer your question without knowing specifics. Probably, you're inhibited from letting your negative emotions out because you fear future consequences of doing so. Learning about future consequence is a part of maturity, for better or for worse. If you actively have the concept that you're "bottling" though, then you're doing it wrong and setting yourself up for a fall in the future. The two best tacks to take are to (a) find an actual true outlet for your energy -- not just a distraction, or (b) really truly let it go, easiest accomplished by prayer, meditation and self-examination. Simple suppression will get you nowhere in the end.

Good music track, by the way.

[wallycaine]

Yeah, I realize I was frustratingly vague here. I think a part of that is because I really didn't have any specifics to refer to. Yes, I get angry and don't show it... but probably not as often as it sounds like in here. I very rarely actually bottle up my feelings. Most of the time, I just express them in the safety of my head, or head a bit away from people, and then let it out. And I'm slowly managing to find outlets for when that's not enough.

And thanks. Music is always helpful ^_^.

[lone_buddhist]

That last line when paired with the overall sentiment of several of your post begs the question; "Who are you, really?"
If a man is the sum of his actions and words, then you are one person.
If a man is the aggregate of the inner workings of his mind and soul, then you are someone else.
If a man is more than either of those two separately, then a another person emerges.

It may be time to understand and accept who you are BEFORE placing judgement on your worthiness. Who you are and who you want to be may not be able to coexist in harmony.

Thus spake the dime-store Buddha.

[wallycaine]

But if I meet the dime-store Buddha, aren't I supposed to kill him? :-P

Yeah, I know I have to figure that stuff out at some point. The problem generally is that when I start asking those questions, I usually end up focusing on the unanswerable ones. I suppose it all works for now though. I may not know entirely who I am, but I can accept that I'm John, with all the baggage that comes with that. And until I can know who I am, accepting that I am will have to take its place.