I think I'm undergoing some sort of metamorphosis and will emerge the other side as a tapeworm. A grey tapeworm. With bleached hair and bad eyes and an attitude.

....at which point I will clearly become famous and get people to be my lackeys so that I can throw Macallan bottles at them when I'm feeling low. We always have to find the silver

Perfect ending to a shitty day ( Read more... )

My roommates and I discussing the finer things in life ( Read more... )

Not only did I come to work a full hour earlier than I should have, but I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE THIS FOR 45 MINUTES ( Read more... )

I've missed you, hatred. In so many ways the physiological manifestations of your presence are so much like those of love it's amusing and appalling at the same time. That unbidden spasm of the diaphragm; that shudder in the breath, that feeling of heat emanating from one's hilar region. It's not at all unpleasant, and it does keep one warm in the ( Read more... )

Piss off, disease. I'm tired of you. You've had a nice long run in the theater of the nasopharyngeal junction: don't even think of going off-broadway down to the bronchi, okay? I repeat, piss off. I bet you're viral. I just bet you're viral, you bastard. Even if I COULD get hold of anything bacteriostatic you would laugh it to scorn ( Read more... )

Dear co-worker ( Read more... )

There was a time when I turned a kind and impartial eye to several of the subtypes of LJer who now make me wish to put on protective clothing and fire up the woodchipper. I can't figure out what exactly has happened to make me change my mind, but that it has changed I'm completely unable to deny ( Read more... )

Somebody posed this on an advice/questions-answered community I occasionally read ( Read more... )

Yes, I've developed kittens, and I've named them because I am an idiot and don't know what's good for me, and they are so painfully adorable it's hard to believe. They both have basic tabby brindling, but one of them (Arienrhod) is mostly Siamese-coloured with blue points and huge pitiless blue eyes, whereas the other one (Riddle) is sort of smoky ( Read more... )