height 5'11
current weight 72kilos
short term goal 68 kilos (by school...like in the party)
right now i suck hardcore
ive been sick and just a blob who overeats and gains
my cheeks and stomach are absolutely disgusting
i miss being 118

( various stages of me )

i binged and cut
im a failure

so im reading all my old posts. i dont post that often so i read most of them ( Read more... )

wednesday-sunday= a lot of fucking food (too scared to weigh myself ( Read more... )

thats so weird
i just drank a mug and a half of vanilla soy milk for breakfast
it filled me up like woah
and while finishing up my milk i was reading the comm's
about people binging and listing the foods they binged on
and i felt sick
like i wanted to vomit
i was full and associated the foods i was reading about

perhaps not a bad thing...

ok so yesterday i cracked...all my mothers fault. she bought russian crackers with raisins and asked me to sort out the groceries. woah not cool. but i didnt have too many. then she asked me to pack food for my brother and so i had some of that ( Read more... )

im back
well im only back because i screwed up.
never go back to lj unless im in desperate need.
im often in desperate need.

today i am definitely not eating
tomorrow i would like not to but..
im seeing a boy and sometimes dinner is easier to eat than avoid
not that he will notice anything yet.

i might allow coffee with a splash of soy milk.

( Read more... )

i cant do anything right
i want to die
this weekend i am getting piss drunk. i havent gotten drunk in soo long because of the calories...im eating like a pig lately so fuck the calories.

guess who fucked up?
i did i did

not going to the gym tomorrow..just gonna i dunno bum around or something...i feel like the gym doesnt help..i need to actually diet before hoping of having my muscles toned look like anything but hard fat masses.

starting a fast today
going to last till friday
after that im restricting...
thats it...
it has to be done
it has to be!