The parallesl in my approach to food and my body are striking: bulimia, feasting on food and then throwing it back; anorexia, refusing food and feasting on hunger itself.

i ate five times today and threw up four times. i really wish i could throw this stuff up but my parents are conveniantly located near both bathrooms. stupid bastards. fuck.

ive been scaring myself lately. i keep on thinking about how easy it would be to just kill myself.

fuck...my mother works for la maison du chocolate...the chocolate goes for $70 per lb...she brought how about $1,000 easter egg. its fucking HUGE. ofcourse i stuffed myself with it this morning. especially after i had that damn dream about him...hmm my father just left. i have ten minutes...i can vomit...::runs::

its getting warm and im still as disgusting as ever. tomrorow starts another 10 day fast. i made it for 3 days the last time. my absolute min goal is 5 days. im allowed to have water, seltzer, and holiwood diet (but only at first, it helps clean the system out)

oh wow i guess it is true...you dont digest at night. last night around 1 i started eating. i made a 72 hour fast and then fell apart.i figured its ok i lost about 7 lbs..if i can keep it up at 72 hours of no food and then a binge ill be ok. but then i started eating this morning again. decided to throw it up. and the food i had last night came up ( Read more... )

ok i think its safe to say that day one has ended...i didnt suceed in a fast but good enough ( Read more... )

ive been trying to lose weight since january..and all ive done is gain more and more. ive waited too long. i cant go to my own prom now. not that im dying to go but ill never be able to buy a dress. i was supposed to do a 10 day water fast starting today and my mother assured me that i would fail..and ofcourse i did. god i hate life soo much. im ( Read more... )

oi oi saw some pple that i havent seen for years. to them i seem really thin cause they havent seen me since i was friggin huge. then somehow weight was the topic and this girl who is a stick and about four inches shorter than me said she weighs 130..and im like holy shit i used to weigh less than you? and then it was like well yeah i didnt have to ( Read more... )

what really really annoys me is that today seemed like a good day. ate a very small breakfast. went to the gym for a little over an hour and when i came home i did not eat!! took a nap woke up went into the fridge to i dunno what but i saw cake...fucking bastards. i swear with me its one step forward, two back. fucking hell. oh oh and to make it ( Read more... )

i spent most of the day walking. my thighs rub together so much now that i felt it hurt when i took my shower. my fucking thighs were sore!! im having a nervous break down here. my hips dont stick out anymore..not only to my legs touch but they rub while walking. though on a rather happy side note went to the gyno again and i dont have any ovarian ( Read more... )