Tonight while writing some lesson plans for Orion I felt like my arms weren't my own. I wasn't dissociating. I was just noticing the scratches. I'm not used to it. My T was right. It is a distraction. Last night I didn't dream about doors and closets and wierd shadows. Instead I dremt about other things, not having to do with anything in ( Read more... )

I have another cut this morning. Well, it looks like two but the skin is still swollen. Why is she doing this? My therapist said ysterday that one of the reasons for the cutting is that she's scared. I don't know. It all seems so bizzar to me ( Read more... )

Oh, before I log off. I just remembered something the therapist said. She said that this new personality could just be a distraction. She said to expect opposition to finding out what happened to me. This cutting is one such thing ( Read more... )

As I said at the end of my last post...I'm not feeling very much in control. I can feel it slipping and I'm trying my best to keep it intact. So, I decided to do some automatic writing to see what comes up. I don't know if this will help or nt but it's worth a try.

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So, today I told my therapist about the SI. I wasn't sure if I should but before I could stop myself (and yes, it was me) I was telling her about the cutting and the binge eating and the black outs. I told her about some problems I was having with my son and some concerns about his well being as well (separate from my issues but a stress factor ( Read more... )

I've decided that later today I'm going to tell my therapist about the cuts. I'm afraid but I'm going to tell her. It kind of helps that I was talking to someone in a SI forum and he said that because SI is so common they really don't freak out on you about it anymore. Therapists are more used to dealing with it. So, I guess so long as I don't ( Read more... )

Today as a better day. For the most part. I have a therapy appt tomorrow. I partially want to go and partially don't. I haven't decided if I'm going to tell her or just put a bandaid on and say I banged into a shopping cart at the store (have gotten hurt from that before) or some such. Also, she said she wants to talk to Cara or someone. She ( Read more... )

If you were going through some stuff and needed help but was afraid that by getting the help you might wind up getting even more hurt what would you do?

The question has many reasons behind it...some old and some new. I don't want to go into details.

Michele cleaned out our fridge yesterday. She showed me what she threw out and how empty it is now. All the stuff that I usually eat had to be thrown out. None of it had been eaten and so it went bad. Here's the scary part...that means I've been eating less than we all thought. See, I don't really remember eating anything specific but I do ( Read more... )

I don't want to go anywhere by myself anymore. Today I went to buy my bus pass. I took the car though because I also needed to stop at the store and pick up some food for dinner. After I bought the ticket I realized Kieriana had a poopy diaper. Because I hadn't planned to be out long I didn't take the diaper bag with me. So, as I got Kieriana ( Read more... )