Confused and Jumbled Thoughts...

[weightofourlove]

I'm home for the summer. Jason is still at school and will be for another week and a half. I miss him something dreadful. I've been home since last Monday and a week before that, I was staying at a friend's house for a few days before we all attended May War 2008--a big camping event for the club I'm in, the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism).

Comments

[anonymous]

Hey again. This sounds like bs to me. This guy is not ready for a relationship, but he was certainly eager to take your virginity. Why didn't he tell you he wasn't ready for a relationship before you decided to give him your virginity? Why did he wait until now? And you said in your previous response that the sex hasn't been that good lately and what do youn expect from a guy that really isn't eager to be in a relationship and love you the way you love him. I fully understand why you are now crushing on your friend because you are not getting the emotional response you need and want from your supposed bf. Sounds like you are getting the short end of the stick here.

Tom

[weightofourlove]

Well, to be fair, I asked him to take my virginity long before he actually took it, and we're still getting used to having sex, so i can excuse it if it's not that good yet, because what I've heard from everyone is that sex doesn't start to get good until you've done it several times, and because we haven't been able to see each other, we've only had sex about 3 times...but still, I do wish he'd figure out that he has to put some effort into the relationship if he wants to be with me...I do feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick.

[anonymous]

Well you sound like a very giving person and lover which would lead me to say you deserve the same. Sounds like this male friend of yours is stimulating some strong feelings in you and they are making you question your relationship. Your needs are real and you should continue to espress them and inform your boyfriend that you are not happy with what you are getting from him emotionally right now. Is the response of this friend of yours making you horny these days? Have you masturbated thinking about him or fantasized about him yet? Be honest now. I won't tell anyone...lol

Tom

[weightofourlove]

Well, yeah...that's what I was implying when I said "I've imagined several scenarios between us, and it's really hot, but in the end, I feel guilty for fantasizing/wishing for a situation that should never happen." Sure, I've masturbated to the thought of other people before, but not like this...I don't usually feel guilty because I know it's just a fantasy and I'm not interested in it in real life. But with him, it's different, and I can't stop thinking about him...even though what I really want is to be with my boyfriend!

[southpawz]

It's normal to seek out what you desire and if you can't get it from one person then others become more of a possibility.You said it's not lust for Jack so maybe it's some emotional desire you need to satisfy.I think normally the sex and the emotional bonding are intertwined and it's hard to separate the two.If you and Jason had more occasion to be physical I think you'd grow more emotionally attached to him and him to you.From a guy's point of view I'm not sure why he hasn't tried to have sex with you more often.That's kind of weird.

[weightofourlove]

Oh, I meant that maybe it *is* lust for Jack. I dunno. I hope that by spending more time together over the summer that we'll grow closer again and some of the excitement will come back.

[southpawz]

Good luck! I hope things work out for you guys.If Jason thinks he isn't ready for committment,do you see the lust for Jack becoming more intense?

[weightofourlove]

I dunno...I've never really been in a situation like this before. And also, I just found out that Jack and his girlfriend broke up this week...so that sort of complicates things. if things with Jason don't work out, I'll probably want to be with Jack more and more, but I don't know if he's right for me either...

[marblespire]

Hi, it's marblespire over from datinandrelatin. I just wanted to be the voice of panic for a moment. *wry smile*

Occasionally I have posted sensitive information on my LJ without securing it under a Friends filter. Almost inevitably this has come back to bite me in the ass, when someone (for instance, the person I'm posting about) reads the post, even though they don't have LJs and don't check the site frequently, and then gets pissed off.

...If this has never happened to you before, I envy you. =)

[weightofourlove]

Heheh. I appreciate the warning...although I know it *could* happen, the possibilities are really slim, because this is an anonymous journal...I'm using all pseudonyms. None of my in-real-life friends know that I have this journal or know where to locate it. Thank you for the warning, though (and hey--for checking my journal!). :)

[weightofourlove]

By the way, I'm always looking for new friends...if you're interested, you should add me. :)

[wonderssmile]

The way Jack treated you is the way Jason should be treating you. You deserve to be treated that way and your guy should be treating you that way. Give Jason a chance, but don't wait around forever for him to change. Find someone who will treat you the way you should be treated. Don't get stuck in a rut and find out too late that you should have moved on. Remember, it was Jason who wanted to go separate ways when you headed off to college! Think about it! You deserve to be treated like Jack treated you.

P.S. Just think of Jack as a friend and use him as an example for the guy you are looking for.

[weightofourlove]

Yeah, I'm not going to pursue Jack...that's just going to lead to suffering. He's a good friend, though. I'm going to give Jason another chance, because as much as I feel doubt sometimes, I do love him with all my heart.

Happy Birthday

[wonderssmile]

Have a super fantastic birthday!

Enjoy!