TAGD-verse ficlet: Love Never Fails
Story: Love Never Fails
Author: wendymr
Characters: Ninth Doctor (Pete's World), Jack Harkness (Pete's World)
Series: Through A Glass Darkly
Rated: PG13
Summary: The Doctor hasn't seen Jack in days
Written for yamx as part of last Christmas's Fandom Stocking - only getting around to posting here now. Oops! Follows Understand All Mysteries and set about a month afterwards.
Love Never Fails
It’s six weeks today since Jack became a permanent resident on the TARDIS - well, permanent until he makes a decision about his future. Yet, other than the fact that no-one can be aboard this ship without the Doctor knowing about it, you’d never know Jack’s here. In fact, the Doctor hasn’t seen him in days.
That’s gone on long enough. Of course the lad’s grieving, and of course that’s only to be expected, but hiding away like this isn’t healthy.
The only reason he’s left Jack alone this long is because of where he is. The TARDIS showed him the Zero Room, and designed its current atmosphere specifically to appeal to him. She’s done it so subtly Jack most likely doesn’t even realise that the gentle breeze he feels is exactly like the beach near his childhood home, or that the soft grass under his feet - and his head, when he lies down - is an exact copy of that found on the mountains inland.
It’s been comforting enough for Jack that he’s slept there for more than a week.
Comfort’s good, course it is, but there’s such a thing as too much, especially when it involves shutting himself away from the world outside - that’s when it becomes existing, not living. The Doctor knows that only too well - in fact, he sometimes wonders whether, if he hadn’t made a certain sixteen-year-old boy a promise, he’d still be hiding in the Zero Room himself.
He has actually tried to talk to Jack before now. Course he wouldn’t leave the lad alone this long if he had any choice. But his own ship’s been conspiring against him, first hiding the door to the Zero Room and then making sure he couldn’t open it. All right, the TARDIS is fond of Jack too. Nothing wrong with that. But this, denying him access to parts of his own ship, is a bit much.
This time, the TARDIS doesn’t try to confuse or distract him on his way to the Zero Room. He goes straight there, and the door’s right in front of him as he reaches the end of the hallway. It’s even got a handle.
He trails his fingers lightly down the ship’s wall before opening the door.
Jack’s inside, sitting on the Schatten-like grass, eyes half-closed as if he’s meditating. But he blinks and opens his eyes as the Doctor approaches. “Hey.”
“Hi to you too. Was beginnin’ to think I’d imagined you were on board.”
Jack scrubs his now-healed face. “Sorry. Haven’t been feeling much like company.”
“Yeah.” He drops down next to the lad. “Know what that feels like. But you can’t stay in here for ever.” Reaching out, he lays his hand on Jack’s knee. “Ready to go?”
Jack takes a deep breath. “Suppose so.”
“Come on, then.” He pushes himself up, then extends a hand down to Jack, who takes it and slowly gets to his feet.
Without dropping Jack’s hand, he leads the way out of the room and into the hallway. “Where to?” It’d be easy just to go to the kitchen or the console room, or even the bedroom Jack’s occupied since he’s been well enough to be out of the infirmary, but it’s important to let the lad feel that he’s got some choices.
Jack hesitates, stopping in the hallway to turn and look at the Doctor. “Can you take me to-”
“Where?” he prompts gently.
Jack looks at the floor. “Your room.”
Why’s that apparently so hard to ask? But he just nods. “Course.”
The walk is accomplished in silence; Jack doesn’t seem to want to speak, and the Doctor doesn’t want to force him. Once they’re in the bedroom, though, with Jack leaning against the wall still looking uncertain, the Doctor goes to him, taking him by the shoulders. “What is it? Feels like you don’t think you’re welcome here.”
“It’s not that.” Silence, until Jack finally speaks again. “Wasn’t sure I could let myself be here.”
That doesn’t make sense. Felt more like Jack was asking him for permission - but then he said take me, didn’t he?
“Why not?” he asks, moving to lean against the wall next to Jack but maintaining physical contact.
“Want you,” Jack answers, his voice rough. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me, hold me... but they’re all dead and it feels wrong.”
Careful. “ ’S not wrong to accept comfort from someone who cares about you.” He turns so that he’s looking straight at Jack, then brings his free hand up to the lad’s face. “Not wrong to want to be with someone you love an’ be reminded you’re alive.”
“Still not sure I want to be,” Jack mutters; it’s an argument they’ve had many times since he was awake enough to talk properly. The Doctor’s not taking it personally - or, at least, trying not to.
“I am,” he says now, and leans in to kiss Jack. There’s only a fraction of a second’s hesitation before Jack kisses him back. From there, it’s easy to pull the Captain into his arms, and moments after that Jack wraps his arms around the Doctor in return, allowing his tense body to relax. The soft sigh released into the curve of his neck tells the Doctor that Jack’s finally giving himself permission to claim the comfort he needs - the comfort he could have had days ago if he’d allowed himself, or if the Doctor’d realised the way his mind was working.
“Bed,” he says, his voice rough now. “Jus’ to sleep - with me. Know you’re not ready for anything else.”
Jack pulls back to look at him, and there’s something in his eyes that makes the Doctor pause and frown. “Might be. If it’d make me forget, just for a bit.”
“Is that what’s happening, then? Can’t get it out of your mind?” Stupid question. Course he can’t.
“Every time I closed my eyes, before, it’s all I could see.” Jack’s jaw is rigid. “Flames, people burning, screaming, crying...”
Oh, yeah, that’s only too familiar, and of course it’s why the TARDIS showed Jack the Zero Room and kept him there so long. But it shouldn’t have been left to the TARDIS. The Doctor should have seen it himself.
There’s an easy solution, of course: he could go inside Jack’s head and wipe away the memories, or at least dull them temporarily. But over the years he’s learned that Jack’s not too keen on having his head messed with.
Next best thing, then. “Come on.” He squeezes Jack’s hand, then leads him to the bed. “Maybe it’ll be different if you’re with me.” Sleep, sex, whatever Jack wants is what he’ll get.
The one thing he won’t do is tell Jack that everything’ll be all right, that he’ll get over it. Oh, he might get over it, given time, but everything’s never gonna be all right for the lad ever again. It’ll get better, though, given two things: time and love. And he’s got plenty of both, hasn’t he?
Jack settles into his arms in the bed, head on his shoulder, and within a few minutes he’s breathing evenly. It’s a start.
They’ve got a long way to go, but they will get there, no question. With his stubbornness and Jack’s courage, there’s no way they can fail.
- end
Author: wendymr
Characters: Ninth Doctor (Pete's World), Jack Harkness (Pete's World)
Series: Through A Glass Darkly
Rated: PG13
Summary: The Doctor hasn't seen Jack in days
Written for yamx as part of last Christmas's Fandom Stocking - only getting around to posting here now. Oops! Follows Understand All Mysteries and set about a month afterwards.
Love Never Fails
It’s six weeks today since Jack became a permanent resident on the TARDIS - well, permanent until he makes a decision about his future. Yet, other than the fact that no-one can be aboard this ship without the Doctor knowing about it, you’d never know Jack’s here. In fact, the Doctor hasn’t seen him in days.
That’s gone on long enough. Of course the lad’s grieving, and of course that’s only to be expected, but hiding away like this isn’t healthy.
The only reason he’s left Jack alone this long is because of where he is. The TARDIS showed him the Zero Room, and designed its current atmosphere specifically to appeal to him. She’s done it so subtly Jack most likely doesn’t even realise that the gentle breeze he feels is exactly like the beach near his childhood home, or that the soft grass under his feet - and his head, when he lies down - is an exact copy of that found on the mountains inland.
It’s been comforting enough for Jack that he’s slept there for more than a week.
Comfort’s good, course it is, but there’s such a thing as too much, especially when it involves shutting himself away from the world outside - that’s when it becomes existing, not living. The Doctor knows that only too well - in fact, he sometimes wonders whether, if he hadn’t made a certain sixteen-year-old boy a promise, he’d still be hiding in the Zero Room himself.
He has actually tried to talk to Jack before now. Course he wouldn’t leave the lad alone this long if he had any choice. But his own ship’s been conspiring against him, first hiding the door to the Zero Room and then making sure he couldn’t open it. All right, the TARDIS is fond of Jack too. Nothing wrong with that. But this, denying him access to parts of his own ship, is a bit much.
This time, the TARDIS doesn’t try to confuse or distract him on his way to the Zero Room. He goes straight there, and the door’s right in front of him as he reaches the end of the hallway. It’s even got a handle.
He trails his fingers lightly down the ship’s wall before opening the door.
Jack’s inside, sitting on the Schatten-like grass, eyes half-closed as if he’s meditating. But he blinks and opens his eyes as the Doctor approaches. “Hey.”
“Hi to you too. Was beginnin’ to think I’d imagined you were on board.”
Jack scrubs his now-healed face. “Sorry. Haven’t been feeling much like company.”
“Yeah.” He drops down next to the lad. “Know what that feels like. But you can’t stay in here for ever.” Reaching out, he lays his hand on Jack’s knee. “Ready to go?”
Jack takes a deep breath. “Suppose so.”
“Come on, then.” He pushes himself up, then extends a hand down to Jack, who takes it and slowly gets to his feet.
Without dropping Jack’s hand, he leads the way out of the room and into the hallway. “Where to?” It’d be easy just to go to the kitchen or the console room, or even the bedroom Jack’s occupied since he’s been well enough to be out of the infirmary, but it’s important to let the lad feel that he’s got some choices.
Jack hesitates, stopping in the hallway to turn and look at the Doctor. “Can you take me to-”
“Where?” he prompts gently.
Jack looks at the floor. “Your room.”
Why’s that apparently so hard to ask? But he just nods. “Course.”
The walk is accomplished in silence; Jack doesn’t seem to want to speak, and the Doctor doesn’t want to force him. Once they’re in the bedroom, though, with Jack leaning against the wall still looking uncertain, the Doctor goes to him, taking him by the shoulders. “What is it? Feels like you don’t think you’re welcome here.”
“It’s not that.” Silence, until Jack finally speaks again. “Wasn’t sure I could let myself be here.”
That doesn’t make sense. Felt more like Jack was asking him for permission - but then he said take me, didn’t he?
“Why not?” he asks, moving to lean against the wall next to Jack but maintaining physical contact.
“Want you,” Jack answers, his voice rough. “I’ve wanted you to kiss me, hold me... but they’re all dead and it feels wrong.”
Careful. “ ’S not wrong to accept comfort from someone who cares about you.” He turns so that he’s looking straight at Jack, then brings his free hand up to the lad’s face. “Not wrong to want to be with someone you love an’ be reminded you’re alive.”
“Still not sure I want to be,” Jack mutters; it’s an argument they’ve had many times since he was awake enough to talk properly. The Doctor’s not taking it personally - or, at least, trying not to.
“I am,” he says now, and leans in to kiss Jack. There’s only a fraction of a second’s hesitation before Jack kisses him back. From there, it’s easy to pull the Captain into his arms, and moments after that Jack wraps his arms around the Doctor in return, allowing his tense body to relax. The soft sigh released into the curve of his neck tells the Doctor that Jack’s finally giving himself permission to claim the comfort he needs - the comfort he could have had days ago if he’d allowed himself, or if the Doctor’d realised the way his mind was working.
“Bed,” he says, his voice rough now. “Jus’ to sleep - with me. Know you’re not ready for anything else.”
Jack pulls back to look at him, and there’s something in his eyes that makes the Doctor pause and frown. “Might be. If it’d make me forget, just for a bit.”
“Is that what’s happening, then? Can’t get it out of your mind?” Stupid question. Course he can’t.
“Every time I closed my eyes, before, it’s all I could see.” Jack’s jaw is rigid. “Flames, people burning, screaming, crying...”
Oh, yeah, that’s only too familiar, and of course it’s why the TARDIS showed Jack the Zero Room and kept him there so long. But it shouldn’t have been left to the TARDIS. The Doctor should have seen it himself.
There’s an easy solution, of course: he could go inside Jack’s head and wipe away the memories, or at least dull them temporarily. But over the years he’s learned that Jack’s not too keen on having his head messed with.
Next best thing, then. “Come on.” He squeezes Jack’s hand, then leads him to the bed. “Maybe it’ll be different if you’re with me.” Sleep, sex, whatever Jack wants is what he’ll get.
The one thing he won’t do is tell Jack that everything’ll be all right, that he’ll get over it. Oh, he might get over it, given time, but everything’s never gonna be all right for the lad ever again. It’ll get better, though, given two things: time and love. And he’s got plenty of both, hasn’t he?
Jack settles into his arms in the bed, head on his shoulder, and within a few minutes he’s breathing evenly. It’s a start.
They’ve got a long way to go, but they will get there, no question. With his stubbornness and Jack’s courage, there’s no way they can fail.
- end