3 months later, i actually quit my job. my last day is february 14. i even singed a piece of paper that said termination on it. termination isn't just for being fired. who knew. and now i don't know what i'm doing. right now this is very liberating, so not like me, and a bit scary. i'm sure the scary will increase over the next few weeks. hopefully ( Read more... )

i am quitting my job!!! i have my last day planned (the 6th or so). i'm going to give notice within the next week. this is something for me. someone who is much more afraid (paralyzed) by the thought of change then the avaerage bear ( Read more... )

Let it die and get out of my mind ( Read more... )

i think if melissa ferrick was my girlfriend, everything would be ok.

how a word
or a series of words
can be spun so simply
yet profoundly
as to shake a mind open
and out of a resting place
of passivity
of happiness
or rage
or pain
how an image can be drawn
with words
only
and feel more full of life
then the actual life
you may be living.

this is my goal: to realize what would make me happy in my life.to figure out what i want to do. not what i think i should be doing, what other people think i should be doing, what i imagine other people think i should be doing (not projecting is a goal to). not comparing myself to other people, and thinking how i fall short is what i need to do. ( Read more... )

i haven't posted in 8 months. that's the longest i've let it go ever, and i've had this journal for 7 years now. i don't want it to die. the more time i let go the more daunting writing becomes though ( Read more... )

i got to meet allan cummings at work yesterday. that was cool.

i fucked off today a lot. it was pretty fun.

i am making a therapy apointment soon. that will help to end the constant anxiety.

Continuous avoidance - If you avoid thinking about the trauma or if you avoid seeking help, you may keep distress at bay, but this behavior also prevents you from making progress in how you cope with trauma and its consequences.

i was thinking of how similar post traumatic stress disorder and general anxiety disorder are. i read this description for ptsd and it's me exactly ( Read more... )