Comments | whipchick: The Snap King

whipchick

The Snap King

Feb 12, 2016 19:30

I have heard of a thing called, a blackout, and it is not the same. Mrs. Whelker told me that there is a thing called, alcohol, and that sometimes Mature Adults engage in drinking alcohol and even though it does not taste nice at first it can start tasting nice and then a Mature Adult might fail to observe Appropriate Limits. But Mrs. Whelker, I ( Read more... )

pr, high school, team avocado, fiction

Comments 33

mzrowan February 13 2016, 03:45:33 UTC

Totally riveting...

whipchick February 14 2016, 16:29:44 UTC

Thank you! Happy Valentine's Day :)

kathrynrose February 13 2016, 04:30:08 UTC

Loved this!

Also - Also I do not care for eyeliner. - cracked me up.

whipchick February 14 2016, 16:29:57 UTC

Thanks - I think that's my favorite line :)

lrig_rorrim February 13 2016, 04:49:13 UTC

I loved this! I can definitely tell you've been spending time around teenagers just because the voice itself is so spot on. The story itself unwinds with this awesome inevitability, and there's so much dark humor sprinkled throughout. Fabulous!

whipchick February 14 2016, 16:30:11 UTC

Thank you! I felt like it was time for fiction :)

porn_this_way February 13 2016, 09:43:05 UTC

Dude. The punctuation in this...
I know it seems like a random-ass thing to zero in on, but the way you punctuated it, especially the places you put (and didn't put) the commas was amazing because it gave it a really strong "something's very off" feeling. Like, this isn't Red Pen Central where you get a mental image of the narrator scrawling the entire thing on a wall in purple crayon, but intelligent, strong voice of the narrator combined with the weird-ass commas is just all sorts of fun unsettling.

Also. This.

This thought feels like it could be part of, my Sensitive Side, but I am not old enough yet to request a change to category, EmoBoy.

LMAO well played.

whipchick February 14 2016, 16:30:44 UTC

Not random-ass at all, and something I spent a lot of time thinking about, so thank you! I'm glad it worked for you :)

n3m3sis43 February 13 2016, 11:59:55 UTC

Devin is not currently available for comment but I'm positive he'd approve of his representation here. xD

This piece reminds me a bit of that one you recommended to me a while ago. (I know that's vague, but I'm currently not placing the name or the author and so vague it will be.) I really like the whole concept of Snaps and Metrics you've got going on here, and the emo kid part cracked me up.

whipchick February 14 2016, 16:31:46 UTC

I'm so glad you think so - he just sort of wandered in and I was all, oh, hello you :)

George Saunders' short story Jon, which I TOTALLY had in mind while writing, so I'm glad you saw the kinship!

n3m3sis43 February 14 2016, 16:34:52 UTC

He has this tendency to do that. xD

I had to go and look it up after I made the other comment. Awesome. <3