life's alright. i mean, i still feel worthless most of the time, but at least now i'm busy so i have something to take my mind off of all of it...except when night hits. then the lows hit...i start thinking and trying to understand what all went wrong, and it makes me feel like it's all my fault, cuz it mostly is. i just wish i could keep it ( Read more... )

got my stomach looked at today. for $250 let's hope SOMETHING is wrong with me...i don't even have insurance to pay for that shit. oy...oh well. they put me on nexium and this wicked bad painkiller...which probably wasn't a good call...but whatever. hopefully i have enough common sense. this shit makes me feel cold though...and realllllly ( Read more... )

it was bad today. had to go to emergency counseling cuz i almost went crazy. i finally made an appointment to get some meds. we'll see how that works out. the therapist seems to think it's really a good idea for me if i feel like i've lost all control and all hope. i can't do anything right anymore and i can't understand why this is all ( Read more... )

so yesterday, jonathon and mike came to visit me and tina here in b-town until today, and although i was glad to see them, i thought maybe that would get me outta my happiness funk...nope. don't get me wrong, it was fun, but i still felt this emptiness. i feel like it's unavoidable...no matter what i do, it's always gonna be there haunting me and ( Read more... )

i wish i never met you. i can't recall all that many good times i had with you that weren't immediately followed by hurt. why didn't you like me? was i not good enough? i know i'm crazy, but that can't be the reason. okay...you deserve reasons why i don't wanna see you...i don't feel like you want to hang out with me when you say you do...you ( Read more... )

where do i go when there's nothing left? i just can't take this all anymore. it's all so confusing and...just...not worth it. i want it to be over. one way or another, i want it to be over.

i was thinking this morning about last night's events. it made me realize that now that it seems i have nothing and that i am nothing, i can only go up from here. but only if i try to. and we all know how i feel about trying....but i'm gonna. if that's the only way i'll become happy now, i'll do it. i need to figure out what's making me ( Read more... )

you know life sucks when you can't pick out specific things that are wrong with it...it's just a big blur of unhappiness...well, i remember when life used to be fun ( Read more... )

but i got a lot done tonight! go me. i'm glad cuz i was feeling soooo unproductive. yeah, and i'm STILL here...i feel like if i go home, i'll turn into "le pigre" again. and i don't wanna be "le pigre ( Read more... )

i realized something. although i still think i have some sort of bug in my system, i don't think it's all that bad. i think i'm just really run-down. and from what, i don't know. maybe from always trying to keep my head above water. maybe from being at this school. maybe from believing that good things will happen eventually. my life ( Read more... )