this is what it has become: endless pep-talks to myself, because i haven't figured out yet that confidence and motivation are in short supply these days. i also haven't figured out why. which is a lie.

rhyme unintended.

i want to live in a yurt.
or a biodeisel RV.

yesterday i took a walk to my landlord's house which is right next to the connecticut river. i stopped and watched it churn for a while, thinking how empty i am, like everyone else, thinking how incomplete my life is and if anyone ever feels any differently, and i was suddenly rubbing the inside of my wrist ( Read more... )

what kind of writer can i become when i can't even get over the imaginary hurdle of wondering whether there is anyone out there who would even care to read the words i write? self conscious about stuff i haven't even said yet. pathetic loser ( Read more... )

the most important thing that happened to me last year was telling my dad that i'm an athiest. i don't think he realized how much it meant to me, but at least he understood why i didn't want to tell my mom. thank you, dad.

for the first time i am entering winter with a smile on my face
maybe the dry residue of summer lingers between my toes
like sand
and i think of those days while snow falls in october

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i look at houses on craigslist all the time. i check almost every day, even though i know i couldn't afford a mortgage for maybe another five years. i'm just so excited. i can't wait to get a house and fill it with things (and people and animals and food) i love ( Read more... )

is it wrong that i have the most fun ever just rummaging through my stuff? thank goodness i'm not a hoarder... i can't wait to maybe make a few bucks selling this stuff on my front lawn. i always feel guilty giving away gifts, though.

it's the most disappointing feeling in the world; seeing the improvements that can be made only to have the plans fall through.

but what's more important than the place you return to, the place you call your own?

i am optimistic. i know there is a place for me here, somewhere.

i just yelled out loud in my apartment, alone: "i just want to watch this cat try to eat pancakes!!"