You are just a face. There have been many before you, and there will be many more. You came suddenly, you lingered, and now it’s over. There’s not much left to say about it; only a dumb silence where the words would be. There was nothing special between us, just a brief flicker of relation, a cursory warmth, a shadow of something that never grew. ( Read more... )

Maybe sometime soon, I can finally give myself permission just to live. To grow and to thrive, or to languish, towards no particular end. To relinquish my impatience, as I have left behind so many things before. To settle into stasis; like a plant in the soil, just doing what it knows how to do. I’m not in a hurry anymore, and there doesn’t seem to ( Read more... )

It’s far too easy to imagine what we must be missing, to see how much better everything could be. It’s the hypnosis of restless desire; the essential imbalance that keeps us striving, no matter what it is we think we’re striving for. The whisper is always at our ears, cruel and enticing, provoking us with beautiful lies, keeping us under the spell.

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You can't succeed unless you try.
In order to have hope, you have to reach high.
The higher you reach, the more likely you are to fail.
Failing makes you lose hope.
Most of your tries will be failures.
Most of these failures will make you lose hope.
You have to try anyway.

If you're not climbing, then you're doing something wrong. You may be looking down too often. When you spend your time looking down, you spend your time thinking about how far you've come. But when you spend your time looking up, you see only what's above you. You see those who have climbed farther. You see how much further you have to go. So you ( Read more... )

There is something almost comforting about having old dreams repetitively crushed. It’s a reminder of the consistency of the world-the reliability of defeat. It’s the fondness of a familiar rival. The bitterness subsides to a kind of affable respect. So, reality, we meet again. The trick is not to take it personally ( Read more... )

I’m tired of chasing after figments-little smears of unjustified hope, conjured up out of nothingness by a tired and restless imagination. You are not my fantasy. You’re an erratic little sprite, charming the world with your fiery dance of self-destruction. You drown yourself in chemicals, you run from your own thoughts and into the arms of others ( Read more... )

I have nothing left but beauty. I’ve been shaved down to the essentials-only the bittersweet desire of closeness, of connection and endless diffusion. I’m pushing my limits into the seductive void of the unknown; I’m trying to find equilibrium in the purity of extremes. I’m looking for myself in the reflections of other journeys, of other reasons, ( Read more... )

Where optimism fails, ambition soon follows. The mind goes quiet-the last defense, or an end in itself?-and a fog of apathy rolls in to make up the difference. I can recite my lines to the letter, I can act my part without thought or question. Expectations rub off like cheap leather shine-a superficial fiction, a wish masquerading as necessity. I' ( Read more... )

Connection. No longer abstract, but tangible and real. Love, affection, flowing out like warmth from within. Casual caresses, the rubbing of skin against skin, the shared smiles and sighs. Fingers running through hair, menthols and lighters and Gatorade. Sprawled out in the bathtub, lounging on beds, two or three or four at a time, bodies ( Read more... )