And today I tried to, to simply have a good time with her. Maybe that was the worst mistake of my life. Maybe it will be the thing to happen to hers. She left crying again, what was I thinking when i invited her up? Fuck.........

I am at one of those points again where i was dead. Maybe other people don't get depressed about this shit but everytime i start reading about our present worldly situation. I just want to be dead. I honestly can feel that i am missing so much by living like this, I just then try and zonk myself away by starting another video game or something ( Read more... )

tonight i wish i was dead

it is 2 am now i could have been in bed hours ago but i decided that staying up to watch rounders would be better. tomorrow is work again just like yesterday and so on and so things have been looking really bleak for me i am worried about credit and savings accounts more then i am how i am changing the world. i used to believe in something that ( Read more... )

so i think that i might actually might be really fucked up, today i found out that my mom was in a motorcycle wreck she was on the back of the motorcycle and my step dad was driving. they turned a corner and couldn't stop in time and my mom flew from the motorcycle and through the back windshield of the car in front of them. she hit her body on ( Read more... )

so i don't know where to even start i guess i am going to start a week ago my grandmother died. I don't think it has set it as much as it would have if i had to face it everyday like everyone esle in my family. it is easy for my to distance myself from her death because i don't have to see my family and the glum faces, i don't have to go to my ( Read more... )

computers are starting to make me sick...

long night,
walks to the coffee t.
seattle, hmm i am starting to doubt i am coming
i went swimming today and had a blast.

She has no idea how much her drinking and smoking weed effects me. so many things she told me are now lies. The one so many used to lean on, fell to her knees and gave up............

when i got home from work she was in my apartment doing her homework.
when i got home tonight she is asleep in my bed.
i look over and she her asleep in the reading light. how amazing beautiful she is right now
everything is good