Comments | womangirlchild: On days like today...

womangirlchild

On days like today...

Mar 25, 2007 08:33

...I just feel like banging my head hard against the wall, or smacking it into the computer monitor just because the pain would be a great distraction from the frustration, anger and hatred that I experience at times like these. I find myself wondering today if I really should be concerned about my well being, or if I just need to find a ( Read more... )

teenagers, pain, hatred

Comments 12

anansay March 25 2007, 17:01:06 UTC

You are not alone.

It's hard to love someone who hurts you so bad, and all the time. Who doesn't seem to care at all what they do, who they hurt, how much they hurt them. Who looks at you like your scum and not worth a second of their time.

I've started giving my children the silent treatment. I don't talk to them, and I don't respond to them. I go about my life and that is all. I have no idea if this is a good thing or not, only that I feel if they're going to push me away like that, then I'll go. No problem.
Maybe it's pouting, but I don't need that abuse.

ibsmilin March 25 2007, 21:41:22 UTC

I remember being a teenager, and I was SUCH a pain to my mother. They just have so many hormones right now, and EVERYTHING is dramatic! Keep your cool and in about 6 or so years, your teenager will say, "thanks mom for loving me even when I was a jerk and for standing your ground. You taught me integrity."
Good luck. I'm sure it's hard. I know I was hard on my mom.

anansay March 26 2007, 12:40:36 UTC

Thank you for writing this. I have a 13 yo son who is driving me insane. I was a "good girl" in my teens so I have no idea what might be going through his head, but what you said is enlightening.
Thank you.

womangirlchild March 28 2007, 13:37:38 UTC

I remember having one really rough year with my family, but even that doesn't seem to compare! Thanks for the encouragement!

-A

emilypuff March 26 2007, 02:48:58 UTC

Awww. Sorry I have no helpful advice. Being 14 and a boy is probably tough--hormones, changes, anger and frustration and feelings of powerlessness. Not to excuse him being a little jerk to you ( ... )

womangirlchild March 28 2007, 13:42:41 UTC

I'm sure it IS hard, since he can always come back with, "You're not my REAL mother" or something equally hurtful.

Luckily for me, this sentence has never been uttered, and because all parents involved have a good relationship, I'm counting on it not being said. I can only imagine how I'd want to responsd if he did say that...

I would wager your step-son has no idea that you love him

I tell him, but I admit it is occasionally rather than often. God point and it's something I can work on. thanks :)

-A

emilypuff March 28 2007, 16:39:27 UTC

I didn't mean it to sound like I was chiding you! I think it's more about him and less about what you do. His feelings and perceptions are probably more powerful to him than anything you do or say. It's part of his adolescence.

Teenage angst nestashouse March 26 2007, 08:42:41 UTC

That must be an awful, awful situation. I expect the lad is feeling particularly ferocious now that you have a child of your own on the way. Perhaps he has a better understanding of what he's doing to you than you imagine ( ... )

Re: Teenage angst womangirlchild March 28 2007, 13:44:38 UTC

Perhaps the best way of getting back at the lad is to be determinedly nice to him, even if you have to grind your teeth to do it. It'll take a lot of the ground away from under his horrid little feet.

Yes, I know you're probably right on this, but do I really need to say how HARD it is???? :) I appreciate the sympathy and suggestions.

Re: Teenage angst nestashouse March 28 2007, 20:20:15 UTC

Perhaps it would help if you gave up telling yourself that you 'love' him? He hasn't given you much cause to. He's just an unwanted extra that came in a package along with your husband. You have to endure him bravely, and if possible cheerfully, like a disease, but (save in purely Christian terms) it sounds to me as if it's quite impossible to 'love' him just now, and you'll only feel guilty if you try and don't succeed.

saeriellyn March 27 2007, 16:12:11 UTC

This is none of my business, really, and it's not like I have experience since it will be years before I'm raising a teen, but I'm going to get all Dr. Laura on you and demand to know where your husband is in this picture. It's his kid, and he's the man of the house - two reasons why he might carry more authority than you do. If the child is being rebellious and deliberately hateful to you, what are the consequences from Dad? Real consequences, not empty threats. You may never get him to adore you (particularly if Mom is still out there somewhere for him to run to/fantasize about/compare you with) but his father has the right and obligation to require that he treat you with respect. Letting him walk all over you is not being kind to the kid, since it's not teaching him how to control his temper or have respect for authority, both things he's going to need to be a happy adult ( ... )

womangirlchild March 28 2007, 13:52:40 UTC

You know this, no doubt, and I'm obnoxious to preach. It just concerns me that the vibe I'm getting from this post is that you feel very alone in this battle, and you shouldn't be. Dad should be the one leading this kid, not picking up the pieces after junior has ripped you to shreds.

You're not obnoxious, and you're right, I do feel very alone in this battle. I am alone mainly because of my husband's career currently has him working 6 pm to 3 am, leaving very little time for him to be around. We took on this challenge knowingly, because if we can get through the "season" of the crappy hours, he will be able to change shifts and will be set for retirement and benefits in 5 years. We thought it would be best for the family overall, it's just sometimes I'm not sure we'll make it that far.

-A