CHALLENGE #11 - WINNERS
Thanks to everyone for voting!
1st place:
vands88 with Music and Butterflies
Came first in the poll.
"Music and Butterflies" was simple enough in its description that it was short and concise, but it had enough detail that I knew exactly what was going on, and could easily relate...a lot of nice description was used and a great choice of words, especially in the second to last paragraph. - _gentlycollapse
I also love the ordinariness of it, "just like any other performance"; the plainness makes it extraordinary... - eatmywords09
2nd place:
duckbunny with Butterfly
Came second in the poll.
There was so much movement in it and such a mix of happiness and sadness... - eatmywords09
...the descriptions are beautiful and I love how implied everything is... - vands88
3rd place:
uptosummat with Listen
Came third in the poll.
I have to say I love the creativity of this one...it really has some lovely passages in it - vands888
beautifully conveyed - eatmywords09
Mod's Choice:
toestastegood with Can't Take That Away
Two out of three mods chose this as one of their favourites.
I liked the description of Charlie's guitar in taking away what was going on. And this should show how unbiased I'm being, I hate Charlie! - _gentlycollapse
I agree with you Courtney, that piece has some beautiful simplicity about it and they've characterised Charlie just right. - vands88
Because eatmywords09 is the most brilliant person in the world she reviewed all of your drabbles!
Do forgive my lack of knowledge regarding Skins and that I might overlook some subtle touch in your writing.
THAT SONG: My fav line was; "His jacket covered the radio so it wouldn’t get wet." I think that says so much about your protagonist and I really liked him and really felt for him, especially as a lone voice without a reply. I think "sneak in again" is a bit of an unfortunate phrase- esp. for the last line. I just reckon that it should be consistantly colloquial or consistantly formal. It felt really real; the grass, the stone, the air. It was like standing outside there with him. Gorgeous.
LISTENING: I love the little "it knows" for the CD player. Reminds me of the watch in 'Stranger than Fiction', which has a mind of its own. And I really like the way you've personified the music, which actually lifts your protagonist up. I reckon it's very personal to you and it feels it; the last line is a great final punch. I think you might be a little too vague in terms of a story; I know I know, it's a drabble, but I would have liked a little more atmosphere to match the beautiful internal monologue.
CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY: Now I DO know lost and I loved Charlie. My only gripe was that you made him just a little too pensive for someone as optimistic as him but that is only my view on his character. Otherwise I think you captured him very well in that attachment to his guitar, juxtaposed against the plane crash and other disasters. And I like the defiant tone at the end; I really warm to him because he's not going to let anyone take this one comfort from it. Very powerful and a nice mix of the internal and external view of a man.
LISTEN: The concept is really lovely and I'm a sucker for list fics, because it just fills up your head with ideas. I just don't think you took it far enough. You chose familiar cosy sounds, which is great but it might have been nice to go further and listen for the more intricate sounds; maybe even the sound of silence. But I think it's beautifully conveyed and the way you emphasise that all sound is music. My favourite; "people slapping high-fives", because it instantly brought it to my head. Really lovely piece.
BUTTERFLY: I love the variety in all of these pieces! I like the dramatic tension in this makes an interesting change from the monologue, which I think I (purely on a personal level because I love adventure books) prefer. There was so much movement in it and such a mix of happiness and sadness; "flying feet and spinning limbs" I especially liked. The last line is bliss, that's just crazygood writing. I think you could even make a reference to the dance at the start as well- just something like, "She danced" and then dive in, so it's all linked. Wonderful.
LEAVING: Again, a very sweet concept; " I don’t think I have enough space for the whole planet to come along" is a great line. And the whole notion of space not being silent is wonderful. I'm not sure you even needed to have it in first person- damn I wish I liked first person narration more- but it can work on any level. I'm not sure why you started "Dear All"- if you do that, perhaps you should sign off as well, as a kind of signal of your leaving. Just something like "Bye" might be a nice understatement for launching back into space. I felt the longing in this piece, so powerful.
SHE WILL WAIT FOREVER: I was initially a bit turned off by the format of seperated lines; I think you could extend some of the sentences so it doesn't read so awkwardly. Other than that, the content is just smashing. I wasn't sure if "he" did come in the end- I hope he did! She seemed like such a strong figure, quite patient and willing to wait, despite knowing "he probably won't" come. It was a nice angle on music; that it is unnecessary- quite different.
MUSIC AND BUTTERFLIES: I completely empathise with that feeling pre-show and I loved how you turned the idea of butterflies from something of nerves into poetic butterflies bursting outwards. I also love the ordinariness of it, "just like any other performance"; the plainness makes it extraordinary, I thought. I don't know but maybe you could have pursued the addiction line- knowing that she will have to come back night after night. I liked the protagonists complete dismissal of the audience; it really is just her and the music, because it makes it almost unites the music and protagonist as one.
I hope no one is offended by my comments, I really enjoyed reading them all! I think someone should collect all of these stories up from the competition and publish them in some way; it'd be a really gorgeous collection of stories.
My overall feeling was: characters need a bit more back drop I think. I know, only a drabble, but your character is carrying it. Be like Drummer Hodge and give him a name at least. A name instantly gives your character an extra edge.
On the good points, I was so amazed at the variety and all of a very high quality. Everyone produced something intensely personal and in very poetic language, which I'm dead soft for. Thank you so much for writing these!
Hands up if you want to marry this girl. *raises hand*
Ok, I think that's everything. Remember to enter CHALLENGE #12!
1st place:
vands88 with Music and Butterflies
Came first in the poll.
"Music and Butterflies" was simple enough in its description that it was short and concise, but it had enough detail that I knew exactly what was going on, and could easily relate...a lot of nice description was used and a great choice of words, especially in the second to last paragraph. - _gentlycollapse
I also love the ordinariness of it, "just like any other performance"; the plainness makes it extraordinary... - eatmywords09
2nd place:
duckbunny with Butterfly
Came second in the poll.
There was so much movement in it and such a mix of happiness and sadness... - eatmywords09
...the descriptions are beautiful and I love how implied everything is... - vands88
3rd place:
uptosummat with Listen
Came third in the poll.
I have to say I love the creativity of this one...it really has some lovely passages in it - vands888
beautifully conveyed - eatmywords09
Mod's Choice:
toestastegood with Can't Take That Away
Two out of three mods chose this as one of their favourites.
I liked the description of Charlie's guitar in taking away what was going on. And this should show how unbiased I'm being, I hate Charlie! - _gentlycollapse
I agree with you Courtney, that piece has some beautiful simplicity about it and they've characterised Charlie just right. - vands88
Because eatmywords09 is the most brilliant person in the world she reviewed all of your drabbles!
Do forgive my lack of knowledge regarding Skins and that I might overlook some subtle touch in your writing.
THAT SONG: My fav line was; "His jacket covered the radio so it wouldn’t get wet." I think that says so much about your protagonist and I really liked him and really felt for him, especially as a lone voice without a reply. I think "sneak in again" is a bit of an unfortunate phrase- esp. for the last line. I just reckon that it should be consistantly colloquial or consistantly formal. It felt really real; the grass, the stone, the air. It was like standing outside there with him. Gorgeous.
LISTENING: I love the little "it knows" for the CD player. Reminds me of the watch in 'Stranger than Fiction', which has a mind of its own. And I really like the way you've personified the music, which actually lifts your protagonist up. I reckon it's very personal to you and it feels it; the last line is a great final punch. I think you might be a little too vague in terms of a story; I know I know, it's a drabble, but I would have liked a little more atmosphere to match the beautiful internal monologue.
CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY: Now I DO know lost and I loved Charlie. My only gripe was that you made him just a little too pensive for someone as optimistic as him but that is only my view on his character. Otherwise I think you captured him very well in that attachment to his guitar, juxtaposed against the plane crash and other disasters. And I like the defiant tone at the end; I really warm to him because he's not going to let anyone take this one comfort from it. Very powerful and a nice mix of the internal and external view of a man.
LISTEN: The concept is really lovely and I'm a sucker for list fics, because it just fills up your head with ideas. I just don't think you took it far enough. You chose familiar cosy sounds, which is great but it might have been nice to go further and listen for the more intricate sounds; maybe even the sound of silence. But I think it's beautifully conveyed and the way you emphasise that all sound is music. My favourite; "people slapping high-fives", because it instantly brought it to my head. Really lovely piece.
BUTTERFLY: I love the variety in all of these pieces! I like the dramatic tension in this makes an interesting change from the monologue, which I think I (purely on a personal level because I love adventure books) prefer. There was so much movement in it and such a mix of happiness and sadness; "flying feet and spinning limbs" I especially liked. The last line is bliss, that's just crazygood writing. I think you could even make a reference to the dance at the start as well- just something like, "She danced" and then dive in, so it's all linked. Wonderful.
LEAVING: Again, a very sweet concept; " I don’t think I have enough space for the whole planet to come along" is a great line. And the whole notion of space not being silent is wonderful. I'm not sure you even needed to have it in first person- damn I wish I liked first person narration more- but it can work on any level. I'm not sure why you started "Dear All"- if you do that, perhaps you should sign off as well, as a kind of signal of your leaving. Just something like "Bye" might be a nice understatement for launching back into space. I felt the longing in this piece, so powerful.
SHE WILL WAIT FOREVER: I was initially a bit turned off by the format of seperated lines; I think you could extend some of the sentences so it doesn't read so awkwardly. Other than that, the content is just smashing. I wasn't sure if "he" did come in the end- I hope he did! She seemed like such a strong figure, quite patient and willing to wait, despite knowing "he probably won't" come. It was a nice angle on music; that it is unnecessary- quite different.
MUSIC AND BUTTERFLIES: I completely empathise with that feeling pre-show and I loved how you turned the idea of butterflies from something of nerves into poetic butterflies bursting outwards. I also love the ordinariness of it, "just like any other performance"; the plainness makes it extraordinary, I thought. I don't know but maybe you could have pursued the addiction line- knowing that she will have to come back night after night. I liked the protagonists complete dismissal of the audience; it really is just her and the music, because it makes it almost unites the music and protagonist as one.
I hope no one is offended by my comments, I really enjoyed reading them all! I think someone should collect all of these stories up from the competition and publish them in some way; it'd be a really gorgeous collection of stories.
My overall feeling was: characters need a bit more back drop I think. I know, only a drabble, but your character is carrying it. Be like Drummer Hodge and give him a name at least. A name instantly gives your character an extra edge.
On the good points, I was so amazed at the variety and all of a very high quality. Everyone produced something intensely personal and in very poetic language, which I'm dead soft for. Thank you so much for writing these!
Hands up if you want to marry this girl. *raises hand*
Ok, I think that's everything. Remember to enter CHALLENGE #12!