TOP STORY* Republican Governors Admit: "We Are Complete Racists ( Read more... )

TOP STORY* New Pope Walks, Talks, Is Almost Human ( Read more... )

TOP STORY* Terrifying Terror Plot Foiled ( Read more... )

TOP STORY* NEWS FLASH: POPE STILL DEAD ( Read more... )

TOP STORY

* This Story Not About Terri Schiavo

Pinellas Park, Fla.--In a shocking turn of events today, the world's media outlets have decided to run stories not related to the continuing Terri Schiavo saga on their front pages. It has now been twelve days since the feeding tube was removed from the terminal vegetable and unwitting cause celebre" ( Read more... )

Regretfully, due to an overwhelming workload, the Editor has not (as you have probably noticed) been able to provide any Roundups, and likely will not for the forseeable future ( Read more... )

TOP STORY

* Remember When We Had A Cool President?

Boston--The Democratic National Convention kicks off today with a double-team of speakers that recall a better time in American politics--when politicians were both educated and charismatic. Bill and Hillary Clinton will take the stage in Boston today, hoping to inspire Democrats and undecideds ( Read more... )

TOP STORY* First Scapegoat Takes Fall For Administration ( Read more... )

(Abbreviated)

TOP HEADLINE

New York Deserved 9/11, Which They Have Forgotten About
Panel Calls Police, Firefighters "Boobs," "Ninnies"
Explores Invasion Scenarios

IN OTHER NEWS* No More Napkins For You, Asshole ( Read more... )

TOP STORY* George Bush Has Shitty Day ( Read more... )