Ama Lou has a classic jazz voice that feels like it is calling me home to my roots. Vexing me, on the matter, that I have not been true. I want to stretch my range;- push my limits,-see how far I can go. But somehow, in that I have gone astray from what I really am, and maybe that's where I should explore now ( Read more... )

I've grown accustomed to talking to you every day. Since I've begun to confide in you, I've been updating my own journal less. Using you as my human diary. Maybe that's not such a good thing. After all, it only seems romantic because of that song by Tony Tony Tone.

You punish me, by not calling for days after we argue. One is understandable, but ( Read more... )

I think I figured out why you didn’t receive any of your pictures and some of my letters. I read through the mail rules on the website the other day. It says you can’t possess more than 40 pictures at one time, and additional pictures are considered contraband. It said you couldn’t trade the pictures in your possession with ones being kept from ( Read more... )

[The Enabler ( Read more... )

I think it subdues me in a way that isn’t healthy; To internalize the fact that the difference I have made, and the meaning I ascribe in the world through life is pillared in my presence/location: My availability, and desire to take care of my family members. There are even so many ways I fall short in that aspect; But it truly is the biggest ( Read more... )

I have been tracking myself to a whole  new depth. Noticing my own habits. Pronouncing them. I realie this would be the most opportune way to truly opperate life planning. I hope I can still find second day Sarah on the first day when there are less second days to be had ( Read more... )

Yesterday at the checkout, the two clerks asked how I was; I chirped out good 'ol auto response, then he says, "I can't complain". I looked at him with a smile through the side of my eyes, and said; "I dunno, I think a lot of good humor can be rooted in complaining". It was all the ammo I had at the time.

Now with further time to ponder on this ( Read more... )

My head inside has become a zoo of pandemonium. It is difficult for me to discern what I am even thinking about. I need to establish some form of order in here before I lose myself. I feel foggy. My memories are distant. My energy is low. I want my stamina back! ugh. I know this isn't just a part of getting older;- This is depression kicking my ass ( Read more... )

Trying to get my creative juices flowing. I know one sure fire way is to just journal. It is so difficult for me to do at times though. My mind is honestly full of some dense heavy shit, that does not get lighter to sift ( Read more... )

My uncle Steve died the other day. It was a shock to us, he did not want us to know he was sick unless something happen. He was my godfather, and his wedding anniversary is on my birthday. The last time I saw him was on Easter. He put air in my bicycle tires for me, despite all that he already had to do with packing up their car to leave. I can ( Read more... )