It’s been ages since I’ve actually posted anything - things have been so busy, and so perfect.  Usually this has been my outlet - a way of stating the things I’m too afraid to say, or unable to state, at the very least.  I hate that I’m so good at being honest, but so bad at talking about my feelings.  It’s created problems in every aspect of ( Read more... )

            On Friday night, something really nice happened to me.

I was having a cute little chat with Ted, our singular male flute (who is such a sweetheart)  about boys and relationships, mostly because he was being nosey and asking about my banquet date (thank GOD for Stephen-poo, taking good care of me.)  I had to explain about my ( Read more... )

            How does everything go from being so wonderful to being absolutely horrendous in just moments?  How can I be expected to be steadfast, strong person, if I can’t even trust the people I’m supposed to love?

I hate this feeling.  I can’t believe that I’m back here again.  That I was foolish enough to think that maybe things ( Read more... )

            Why is that men are ‘mature enough’ to stick their dinky-winkies in a girl, but not stick a ring on their left hand?  Why is it so hard to think or plan for tomorrow or next week or anything?  And furthermore, engagements aren’t three day long events.  They are usually at least a year - do you have any idea how long it takes to book a ( Read more... )

            I’m getting myself all tangled up again.  And I’m really happy.  Not crazy, over the top like I’ve been before…and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.  I can’t decide if I’m protecting myself from heartache, or I’m really just not as excited as I have been before.  But, when we find ourselves so enthusiastic, are we really doing ( Read more... )

Oh, and if anyone does read this…once a month or more-ish, would you leave a comment?  Just so I know?  Haha, I was seriously contemplating the other day who actually looks at this anymore.

You can leave an anonymous message if you’re not a member - however, who you are is a nice fact to know. =]

            The more I get to thinking about this weekend, the more pissed off I become.  How can one person send so many damned mixed signals at one time?  And furthermore, why the hell are men so terrified of commitment?  Yes, falling in love is effing scary.  There’s a reason it’s called ‘falling’ instead of ‘meandering.’  It terrifying.  Today ( Read more... )

            I just realized how much work I actually have to do this semester.  And in truth?  I love the work.  It keeps me busy.  It keeps me from focusing on all the terrible things I just can’t focus on.

Like my dad’s misery at home.  Or the fact that I have to tell a nice boy I can’t date him because I’m madly in love with a ( Read more... )

Oh and furthermore, I have myself so stressed out that I can’t eat and now weigh a whopping 90 lbs.

Hell.

        I must be a masochist.

Or maybe I’m just plain crazy.  I don’t know.  But when you care for someone, and someone else cares for you, and you want to be together, you should be together.  Easy.   How else can you be in love with someone if you don’t try?  How else can you make a relationship work if you don’t do something about ( Read more... )