Hee hee, so glad you were giggling, darlin! Trust me, I could barely keep a straight face while writing this mess. Oh, and you picked out one of my favorite lines too! I swear, if Jack ever said something like that in one of the films, I'd have a coronary from laughing.
Thanks so much for reading and laughing along! *hugs*
she yearned to touch the sun-browned peaks of his cheekbones
Oh, sweetie, you did struggle with the bad writing - "sun-browned peaks" is almost, well, nooooo. And "rosebud peaks" and "love-rod" and "petals" and "moist valley of love" and the piece-de-resistance: "love-grotto" - perfection. And all the hair. Jack tending the grounds and bringing home fish, Elizabeth toiling in the kitchen, the Milton - priceless. You did leave out the penultimate romance novel standard - the hero always sweeps the heroine into his arms and carries her limp and trusting form in manly-man fashion off to the couch of burning love. But hey, you had the bruising lips and onyx eyes and errant hair. Brava, love ♥
So glad you enjoyed the fruits of your request, love! Two down, two to go, eh? (If I count everyone else's requests, I'll be writing until my fingers bleed. It's exciting! *g
( ... )
OMG...."Quivering love-rod"! LOL! And "tanned Adonis"...
“How did it happen?” she asked after several moments of sizzling silence.
For some reason "sizzling silence" made me giggle too. This is too funny. I commend you for your fortitude in writing it! But honestly, this would make one of the BETTER romance novels I've read...
Thanks so much for suffering through and reading, love! :) Hee hee, I thought sizzling silence was just terrible myself. Oh, and yay for quivering love-rod! You know, I wonder if all these romance novel heroes have some kind of nervous disorder, cause I don't think in all my, ehem, experience I've ever witness a quivering penis. Hmmmm....
And I must say, it's really scary to even think that this reads decently in comparison to any published work of fiction, anywhere - especially fiction that people actually buy. *shudders* In college, I used to toy with the idea of trying to write one of these, in the hopes of cashing in. Yeah, couldn't do it in the end. And after the amount of effort this thing took, I'm soooo glad that I didn't.
don't think in all my, ehem, experience I've ever witness a quivering penis.
I now have this horrible image of Jack the Diviner, his penis vibrating like a metal detector as he zeroes in, so to speak. And actually, they do sort of twitch, sometimes, and list to the side, and that just reinforces the imagery, and now it's all blurring together, and..... Oh no.
rods and grottos and petals, oh my!wapiti_barisJuly 9 2007, 09:41:01 UTC
I've never read a romance novel, either but I did come across some very sappy fics, and you turned something usually serves as a torture device into something really hilarious here. Your descriptions (amber eyes, fine-boned fingers, china-white cheeks...) made me laugh out loud. And this:
Still, she was a widow now, and decorum must be maintained. kind of "A/N" - or rather, "reminder to self" kind of lines appear in so many stories (ridiculously sappy ones or not), kudos to you for including such an example here :D
And dear Jack and Elizabeth were so perfectly OOC, I still can't remember what Johnny or Keira looked like or sounded like in their roles O_o Thanks for the laughs! Now I'll go read that link you gave :)
Re: rods and grottos and petals, oh my!writing_samsaraJuly 9 2007, 14:02:43 UTC
Thanks so much for reading, love! I'm glad that all of the horrible, cheesy descriptions and Mary Sue moments gave you a giggle. The little note-to-self bit was on of my favorites as well, being as there is nothing so off-putting as those obvious POV slips in this type of story (or any story, really). And Elizabeth must be one cocky broad to know that her eyes are always so amber-colored and sparkling. *g*
Thanks so much for laughing with me, and I hope that you enjoyed perusing the God-awful romance novel covers under the link. *shudders*
ROFLMAO! It had all everything you could have ever "wished" for in the chosen format...quivering, heaving bosoms, h/c, Adonisness and the ever present hard love-rod...too good! erm, bad! ;)
The best line of all...k) Brushing hair out of each other’s eyes. Constantly. Like monkey’s preening.
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This was my favourite bit, though:
"I’ll give you my name on paper, but I can never give you my heart.” "
(to which the Elizabeth in my brain replied: "Not to worry, I doubt there'd be room in the box with Will's heart already in there...")
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Thanks so much for reading and laughing along! *hugs*
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she yearned to touch the sun-browned peaks of his cheekbones
Oh, sweetie, you did struggle with the bad writing - "sun-browned peaks" is almost, well, nooooo. And "rosebud peaks" and "love-rod" and "petals" and "moist valley of love" and the piece-de-resistance: "love-grotto" - perfection. And all the hair. Jack tending the grounds and bringing home fish, Elizabeth toiling in the kitchen, the Milton - priceless. You did leave out the penultimate romance novel standard - the hero always sweeps the heroine into his arms and carries her limp and trusting form in manly-man fashion off to the couch of burning love. But hey, you had the bruising lips and onyx eyes and errant hair. Brava, love ♥
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“How did it happen?” she asked after several moments of sizzling silence.
For some reason "sizzling silence" made me giggle too. This is too funny. I commend you for your fortitude in writing it! But honestly, this would make one of the BETTER romance novels I've read...
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And I must say, it's really scary to even think that this reads decently in comparison to any published work of fiction, anywhere - especially fiction that people actually buy. *shudders* In college, I used to toy with the idea of trying to write one of these, in the hopes of cashing in. Yeah, couldn't do it in the end. And after the amount of effort this thing took, I'm soooo glad that I didn't.
*squishes*
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I now have this horrible image of Jack the Diviner, his penis vibrating like a metal detector as he zeroes in, so to speak. And actually, they do sort of twitch, sometimes, and list to the side, and that just reinforces the imagery, and now it's all blurring together, and..... Oh no.
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Still, she was a widow now, and decorum must be maintained. kind of "A/N" - or rather, "reminder to self" kind of lines appear in so many stories (ridiculously sappy ones or not), kudos to you for including such an example here :D
And dear Jack and Elizabeth were so perfectly OOC, I still can't remember what Johnny or Keira looked like or sounded like in their roles O_o Thanks for the laughs! Now I'll go read that link you gave :)
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Thanks so much for laughing with me, and I hope that you enjoyed perusing the God-awful romance novel covers under the link. *shudders*
*hugs and squishes*
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The best line of all...k) Brushing hair out of each other’s eyes. Constantly. Like monkey’s preening.
Bwahahahahah!
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Ah, if only Jack and his six-pack would preen my hair like a primate. ;) *sighs*
Thanks much! :)
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