Patton Oswalt: Sixteen things I would be willing to vote for instead of George W. Bush ( Read more... )

Zach Galifianakis: I am always uncomfortable when men I do not know comment on physical attributes of women both of us do not know. For example, just the other day, I was in an elevator with two strangers. One woman. One man. The woman arrived at her destination. Doors open. Doors shut, leaving me and the gentleman. He turns to me and says, "Did ( Read more... )

Dane Cook: I think we need to appreciate the current diseases on this planet while we still can. I have a feeling that 50 years from now, we're going to miss that silly cancer. In the future, diseases will probably be so advanced that they'll float around town in the form of a murky mist. You'll come out of a movie theater, and Chest Rot (CR) will ( Read more... )

i hate people that they're worthless.. and LOVE to tell the world... no one cares... you're seeking attention... and no one wants to hear... don't think you'll be able to make it through the new year? do it on your own time... not with a sympathy plea... no one gives a rat's ass.

p.s. i'm excited to go home... but sad to leave my boos!!!

hey everybody!!! i'm comin home! get excited... you wanna hang? im me: vadeafcachck, and tell me so... love ya all!

who the hell cheats at candyland?!?!?!?

crissy-t does!

WHO LEAVES A LOG ON THE SEAT?!

WHO LEAVES SHIT DRIPS?!

YOU SMELL LIKE CHEEZ WHIZ... AND OU KNOW WHY THAT SUCKS FOR YOU?! I. EAT. CHEEZ. WHIZ.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically "wrap around" Rock, rendering it immobile? Why the hell cant paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of notebook paper constantly ( Read more... )