Yesterday I was at Ralph's and I saw a piece of raw meat shaped like a heart. In the middle of it there was one of those plastic decoration things that said "I Love You!" and there were little plastic pink and white balloons sticking out of the top. And that is why Valentine's Day is stupid.

Coming home and finding a card on your dresser that says "A Message of Sympathy" can be very upsetting...especially when you're half asleep and for some reason you assume that your grandmother must have died. So don't leave people cards that imply that someone has died. It's not really funny. It's actually really weird ( Read more... )

Once upon a time Alexis was in a hurry and she was running down the street dragging little kids who walked extremely slow, when two Mormon/Catholic nuns cornered her and announced that they would like to take a moment of her time to talk about Jesus. Alexis would have liked to say "No! Fuck Off!" but they were nuns and Alexis knew that she would ( Read more... )

The festival scenes are splendid!

I'm considering changing my name.

I had a dream that I found my "lost childhood" and it was basically a giant attic with random shit in it.

Halloween should never be on a monday.

They should really sell eggnog all year long.

I'm going to start my own little community of nocturnal people and then we're gonna slowly overthrow the rest of the world.

Grapes are overrated.

So I was sitting and thinking, and this is what I thought ( Read more... )

If I ever choose to get married I will most definitely not have a vanilla cake with white frosting. I am a strong believer in the belief that if you have cake, it should be chocolate. Some people can't have chocolate though and that might suck for them. But I probably won't have to worry about that because I don't think I'll ever get married. I ( Read more... )

YAY! ALICIA IS HERE ( Read more... )

I was walking out of Ralph's and this old man starts yelling at me "Tonight you will suffer! You will suffer badly tonight! Put lots of yogurt! Lots of yogurt on your back or you will suffer!"