My words were kindness
My deeds were love
My spirit humble
I rest above

On more angel in heaven
Remember friends as you pass by
As you are now
So once was I
As I am now
Soon you must be
Prepare for death and eternity

so, i finally got what i wanted: to be alone.  and it sucks.  i really hate my life and i pray that i die on a fairly constant basis.  i think about my demise constantly and wonder why, if there is a god, he can't just fucking get rid of me and give my life to someone that gives a shit.  i just hate my life so much.  its so boring.  im bored with ( Read more... )

 
11-04-07

I would like to run a rake down both my forearms. I wish Joey knew what it was like to be me, to feel the way I do. Talking to him makes me want to do violent things; I imagine myself finally letting go, releasing so much anger….throwing chairs, breaking dishes, screaming.

Dear Joey,

I feel so trapped; trapped by my emotions…as if I’m in ( Read more... )

[19:39] deadbodylette: 1. something is wrong with me, therefore i must change  2.  if i am resistant to change it means im not trying hard enough 3. if i don't change i'll be abandoned....which is change means "getting better" instead of just change...most people think you can only change up or down, i say you can change horizontally...a side step ( Read more... )

so i feel like a complete idiot.  why can't i just shut the FUCK up for once?  i mean my life is so pathetic...i have nothing to complain about, yet i can't help myself.  there are people in this world with REAL problems and i bitch about stupid shit like ........fuck i don't know. but stupid shit okay?  i'm so sick of everything and i just want to ( Read more... )

Dear Doc,

To say that I was angry is an understatement; I wanted to kill. The cunt that is the secretary was blatantly ignoring me. I'm not sure what prompted her to ignore me in particular, but I was the wrong person to ignore at that particular moment. She seemed to be much more concerned about her printer than me needing any sort of help. I mean ( Read more... )

not sure why im feeling all mixed up inside again. nights are really a bitch, seems to be the time when i go crazy ( Read more... )

i have a headache.

last night in a nutshell:

joey from 6pm-8pm
Jasmine in the parking lot of Gerbes 8pm-8:30pm
ian few moments between 8:20-8:30
my house with jasmine 8:45-9:45pm
Nirobi Break Time 10pm-1am
Christie's house 1:30am-3:45am
Home on phone 4am-4:30am

crushed dreams.
lonely.
headache.
sleepy.
exhausted.
tired.
filthy.
greasy.
headache.

i am so mentally and physically drained...who know holding down a 12 yr old boy could be so exhausting?

my body just wants to die, but my brain says no....

"When you're in love, your brain secretes endorphins into your blood. Organic morphine leaks out of a gland in your skull, feels like a low-grade opium rush. Some people confuse the two, the head rush and the love. You think you're in love with a person, but you're in love with a syringe. Skin like liquid silk, hair, eyes, laugh, smile, ( Read more... )