Comments | xandersman: Fighting about buying a house

xandersman

Fighting about buying a house

Mar 07, 2007 09:16

Brian and I had a bad fight last night about buying a house. Basically, we're in such different places financially that it makes me really uneasy about buying together. The idea of him buying and me renting would just put us further and further into financial disparity. I want to do some further research, because I'm sure this is something that ( Read more... )

Comments 12

i_eat_lemons March 7 2007, 15:38:47 UTC

Buying houses is cute, but do you really want to cohabitate?

Cohabitation is for, um, rabbits.

xandersman March 8 2007, 17:17:17 UTC

We already rent together and basically have lived together for the past 8 months (4 out of 7 days). Cohabitating is good, believe it or not. I can always steal some snuggles when he's half asleep.

Feel free to barf.

i_eat_lemons March 8 2007, 23:30:32 UTC

Oh, I am steps ahead of you

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xandersman March 8 2007, 17:18:41 UTC

Thanks, Dale, that's a great idea. I don't know how it would work exactly since I make about half what he makes, but it's definitely worth discussing. I think he's really scared about sharing money at all, but I'm not going to spend money in a crazy shopping spree, especially if it's his money.

Thanks for the thoughts... and hugs back!

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xandersman March 8 2007, 17:28:23 UTC

LOL, how ironic that my banner on my cellphone literally says "Breathe, Jeff"!

Yeah, I have to remember to do it.

couples' finances lauracroft March 7 2007, 18:13:59 UTC

Hi there Jeffers, thought I'd throw in my 2 cents about this...I hope it is helpful. Scott and I do have separate accounts only and both our names is on our home. I was the primary one who wanted our accounts to be separate. In our case it can't be lack of commitment b/c I left the east coast, my job and everything, came to Hawaii and got married. That's about as committed as I think I could get! I get worried about the idea of sharing money because so many couples fight over money. It's one of the top 2 reasons for divorce I believe. Also, we have different ideas about how money should be spent. In this case he makes more money than me but if we moved to a different location, it could be the opposite. Now all of my extra money goes to classes. I don't want to impose on his money to finance my school but that is where my priorities are. His extra money typically goes to retirement, however he has some splurge tendencies and some tightwad tendencies. He's a little odd about money. We both have designated bills that we pay ( ... )

Re: couples' finances xandersman March 8 2007, 17:21:28 UTC

Thanks Ruth, that's really good to hear that you guys keep it separate and it still works. I guess we're similiar to you guys, as we're at very different life stages (I'm in debt a bit with no savings, he has savings and no debt). Maybe keeping things separate is the way to go to prevent any kind of agony over it.

He asked me (in anger) if I would just be willing to sign over my paychecks to him to manage my money. I think I surprised myself when I realized that answer is YES, I would love to do that, because I trust him.

Maybe I need a dad, lol!

Re: couples' finances lauracroft March 8 2007, 22:58:35 UTC

Ah, that may be why...I don't think either of us would be content trusting anyone else (even each other) with complete management of our funds. It isn't about trust between us, mind you, it's more about we have different and very strong ideas about where our money should go...so this works for us.

Out of curiosity - how long have you two been together now?

Re: couples' finances xandersman March 9 2007, 16:37:18 UTC

2.5 and going strong. You?

trueenough March 7 2007, 20:20:28 UTC

We're in relatively the same boat here as with the previous commenter -- I am extremely, extremely independent and am equally extremely finicky about money and finances. So I feel sorry for ANYBODY who has to deal with me on that level ( ... )

xandersman March 8 2007, 17:27:34 UTC

I know, this stuff is hard enough without having to worry about sexual orientation discrimination. That seems like something that we'd discover (as you and Ben did) that maybe we'd erred somewhere down the line.

I don't know how this 'household account' would work, but on paper it sounds really good. Maybe it would give me more a sense of commitment and trust without making my partner stressed out completely.

Thanks for the thoughts!

Hey Jeff anonymous March 12 2007, 21:03:07 UTC

I think I know what's holding you up about the "Household Account." You have stop think in matching funds.. that will only stress you both out... Think in percentages... the amount of what you both are able to afford when dividing the expenses ( ... )