"i'll be sailing on your deep blue eyes"

i pray for direction, i ask for guidance. i stop smoking cigarettes. i become exhausted. i become frustrated. i miss the hell out of you, and i feel like a failure. i wonder where i'll go in my life, and who i'll meet in the next 10 years. i wonder if my family will ever be okay.

i want to sail on those

matthew is moving back to new york in a few months, and i've accepted the offer to adopt his cat, gibson hobbs. i'm going to miss him so much... his friendship is one that has in some ways changed the way i look at myself, and at other people. knowing that he's here makes me feel safe and it's made it easier to move back. he's a brilliant man, and ( Read more... )

you're so pathetic.

so much, so much. back with dad, moving to my own fucking place in two weeks, ready to go back to school in the fall, my lifelong friends surrounding me, life is in order, etc ( Read more... )

'the nomi song'... absolutely fascinating ( Read more... )

goodbye.

i'm unhappy. so, i said it ( Read more... )

to be alone
utterly alone
with God
and my thoughts
and my music
and a few good friends

to allow myself the happiness of being content and full of peace.

my everything is just aching and longing. i can't do this alone at all. i will always need you. i will miss you with every part of my body and my mind and my heart. i want to come back someday, but i don't know how. i don't know how to be what you need. the hurt will fade after a little while, and i will be emotionless. and still... that heaviness ( Read more... )

i have so many homes.
i have so much family.
they are the ones who treat you like a mother should.