Broke down and cried today. First time in a while. It's what happens when you take shots of estrogen. Tiny pink pills, who knew they'd explode so fiercely. And it happened so fast. At first I was just sad and then like a slap in the face I was bent over at the stomach crying my poor eyes out about what Mark did. But then I talked to Kate and ( Read more... )

Waking up with that back curled up next to me was like last summer had collapsed and I had never never left. The calm why he stirred as he woke, turning over so his chest pushed against my shoulders and one hand could fall over my side to lay possessively on my breast. The in and outs of his breathing moving my hair as we lay in a puddle of white ( Read more... )

Damn it girl. Stop it. Stop right now. You do not want an older, socially awkward boy with affection for you. Being abused by Mark is a better alternative, I promise. This man, Reid, he's just searching for something beyond oneself that does not exist in you... even though he thinks it does. This is just Micah, Pat, Rich, Patrick and J all over ( Read more... )

I hate to think that I'm outgrowing this journal.

I hope this summer I can find myself again.

Things are better. I'm at least, I'm feeling much more confident about myself. It's just that I have to remember a few things. One being that even though people leave, they always come home. And another is that falling in love with your friends is a bad idea.

I am such a lazy shack of shit. I don't do near enough with my life. What the fuck was I doing pining over Mark for a year? That got me absolutely no where. I hate being a woman sometimes and having this awful desire to serve a man for all I'm worth. Like that's all I deserve, some fucking submission ( Read more... )

"you are very much in your own world and lost in cyniscm and while you are open minded in a lot of ways you also see things distincly from your point of view. once you can really empathize with someone else and once you can really want to make them feel good just becuase you love them and want them to be happy then thats caring"

So there we are, the two of us between four walls and the yellow light flooding room with our hands all over each other. It's a stupid scene, our bodies intertwined and lips on every part but each other's mouths. Us, talking about each other and what is going on instead of even enjoying anything. Hands on top of skin and all this talk of ( Read more... )

I'm beginning to realize that with the onslaught of responsibilities I have between school, work and my social life I have no time for myself anymore. I spend the day in the library or the union and then by the evening time I have to spend quality time with Kate and Kurt and Mark. It's impossible, especially when I also have to make room for ( Read more... )

I need more change and creation in my life

Maybe I'll start when I wake up.