-
week... 10? goddamit, I'm terrible.
So, between last update and now, I have finished trenbolone and just today, I am now on Deca, an anti-inflammatory steroid. This should help reduce the stiffness and also give me a bit more strength to deal with the day. Considering that most people on this type of "stack" aren't on it legally, I figure I should take advantage and add weight- ( Read more... ) -
week 4-ish
I have been given the directive to start trenbolone enanthate. It's a metabolic catalyst to help assist with my own sluggish metabolism from having gone from someone who used to just not eat every other day, to someone who is forced to take meals on a daily basis ( Read more... ) -
late week 3 observations
So, irritability is up. every noise and voice is like an attack on my psyche. I just want to burn it all down with my mind all pyro-kinesis style ( Read more... ) -
Test injections week 2
Received my second injection. no huge differences. I felt nausea during the first week. Also, my penis does not feel like my own when aroused, and the nerve impulses I receive during arousal feel strange. ugh. A tiny bit more energy during the day, though. No change in sex drive. Hair feels fuller, strangely enough. -
test... test
I am now on a testosterone regimen. 1 cc a week of testosterone cypionate. I just got my first injection today. Let's see if this makes living easier. so far, so good. was feeling cranky, but that was before the injection. it didn't hurt at all. -
The Damage has been done
I had a realization in the shower. It came to me with my usual train of thought, why am I so weird, and what not. I then remember in 1st grade, that 4 of us in Mrs. Diamant's class were selected to undergo some sort of counseling. The exact nature, I am sort of unsure of right now until I can recall more clearly what happened. I just remember a ( Read more... ) -
re: Drag
Despite having no real definable gender to dress in an opposing manner, I do enjoy drag. It's the whole disguise aspect, the costumes, the becoming of another person, being larger than life. It got me into makeup, and I am grateful for it. It gives me carte blanche to act and comport myself in a manner completely foreign to myself and others. ( Read more... ) -
Re: smoking
All people in my immediate family smoke. My mom smokes perhaps 3 times a day, but it was as much as a pack a day. My father smokes a pack a day, and to my knowledge, he always has. My sisters sporadically smoke a couple times a day. I mirror my parents, smoking almost as much, though my packs are only 12 cigs. We all smoke tobacco, and I know ( Read more... ) -
a dream about a wedding, a relocation and purpose
In this dream, the earliest memory has me at a pool party, which was some sort of soiree held a couple days before someone's wedding. I avoided the water, which is usual 80% of the time (chlorine burns my skin). I was heading inside, and someone said some catty remark, which I responded to with equal cattiness, like ya do ( Read more... ) -
re: addictions
Games, clove cigarettes, technology, knowledge, and sleep. Now, most people look at that list and don't immediately associate with some hardcore crippling addiction. To qualify as an addiction, they must fulfill (for me, at least) a few catagories: an escape, a drain on resources/time, and a reduction in quality of life when these things are no ( Read more... )