Pulse Point, Chapter Two
This is the second chapter of Pulse Point, my AU in which Brian is a trauma surgeon and Justin is a paramedic - or as I will always think of it, mug!fic. Chapter One is here.
Best beta ever: gmta_nz
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Best mug ever: happier_bunny
Best mug icon ever: silent_seas
Thanks to testdog65 for a midnight curbside consult, and vlredreign for comma (and hyphen!) patrol.
Pulse Point, Chapter Two
By Xie
Brian's POV
Lindsay had her arms wrapped so tightly around herself her knuckles were white. I leaned in the doorway, listening to the soothing tone of the pediatric oncologist’s voice, designed to lull parents into a false sense of security.
I’d never been very good at that voice.
Melanie’s hand was flat on Lindsay’s back, making comforting circles. Every time she moved her hand, her wedding ring glinted with light from one of the tiny halogen spotlights aimed at the diplomas on the wall. I focused on the little flicker it made, and waited for someone other than Dr. Bordner to start talking.
She ended her speech on an encouraging note. “Did you have any questions?”
Lindsay looked at me, and even Melanie turned around and faced me. I stood up straight and cleared my throat. “Lindz?”
“Why do we have to start today? Wouldn’t it be better for him to come home for a while, recover from the shooting and the surgery he’s already had?” Lindsay was still gripping herself tightly, but her voice was calm.
I hated it when people asked me something I’d just told them, but maybe Lindsay had the same white noise in her head I did. I let Bordner answer.
“We usually do chemo before surgery, because it’s associated with an easier surgery and a better long-term outcome. But in Gus’ case, it’s even more essential, because the bullet shattered his bone, including the tumor, and it’s possible the cancer could have metastasized then. The aggressive pre-surgery course of chemo is designed to kill any cancer cells in his body.”
I wanted to rub my aching forehead, but instead I focused on Lindsay’s eyes, trying to see if she heard what the doctor was telling her. I hoped not.
Bordner looked at me. “Dr. Kinney, did you want to ask anything?”
I shook my head and felt my lip turn inward.
Melanie spoke up for the first time. “You said the odds were somewhere between 60 and 85 percent. That’s a pretty wide range.”
I fought the urge to walk out of the room and cleared my throat again. “Because the bone shattered, we can’t know if Gus’ case is more like a tumor that’s already metastasized, or where it hasn’t.”
Bordner picked up from there. She was smooth. “Exactly. I feel very optimistic about Gus’ prognosis, because these kinds of tumors, when caught early, respond very well to highly aggressive therapy. The bullet wound puts a little more of a question mark on that, but then again, it’s the reason we caught it early. I see no reason at this point to be pessimistic.”
Melanie snorted, and looked at me for a second, but didn’t say anything.
I walked out into the hall, leaving Lindsay talking in a low voice with Bordner. Melanie followed me out.
“Is she full of shit about his chances?”
I looked at her. “She’s putting everything in the best possible light. That’s what oncologists do. And pediatricians. But it’s not bullshit.”
Melanie stared at me for a while, then gave a short nod and went back in the office. I leaned against the wall, waiting.
“Brian?” That was a voice I didn’t expect to hear.
“Mikey. What the fuck are you doing here?”
Michael tried to smile, but he didn’t get very far. “Ben and I are taking JR while Gus has his chemo.” He ignored all my body language and looped his right arm around my neck and kissed my cheek. “Ben’s in with Gus right now, and when Mel and Lindz come back, we’re going by my mom’s and picking JR up.”
“Wheels within wheels.” I almost laughed at the blank look on Michael’s face. “Is Gus awake?”
Michael shook his head. “No, he was asleep when I left. Are you done here, did you want to go down?”
I glanced in the office, and saw Lindsay crying, Bordner and Melanie patting her consolingly. “Sure, let’s go.”
When we got to Gus’ room, Ben stood up. He didn’t hug me, not having Michael’s two decades of practice at ignoring my body language, but he gave me a sympathetic smile. “He hasn’t woken up.”
I went and stood next to the bed, and smoothed Gus’ hair back from his forehead. I tried not to think about what would happen when it started falling out. I tried not to think at all.
And then my pager went off.
Justin’s POV
Daphne looked at me over the top of her milkshake. “I still cannot believe you let him fuck you in the alley when it was 30 degrees out.”
I took a swallow of my coffee, and set it in the cup holder on the dashboard. “Tell me about it.”
“He must be really hot. Tell ME about it.”
I shook my head. “He’s an asshole.” I ate a French fry. “Incredibly hot. But an asshole.”
“All surgeons are assholes. You know that.”
“On the scale of surgeons who are assholes, Dr. Brian Kinney is off the chart.”
“I’ll never understand you.”
I looked at her. Daphne’d known me since I was five years old. I’d lived with her since I was 17. If she didn’t understand me, no one did. “Sure you do.”
“What did he say, drop your pants, and you did? I mean, seriously, Justin!”
I smiled and took another sip of coffee. “He didn’t say anything. Not even that.”
“I don’t get it.” She really did look confused.
I shrugged. “I wanted his dick in my ass. At the moment, that seemed to be enough.”
“At the moment?”
“Yeah, afterwards, something like, hey, see you around, would have been nice. He just walked away.”
“What an asshole.”
I nodded. “Exactly.”
She sighed, and picked up her burger and took a bite. “You like him, don’t you? You always get all cynical and jaded when you’re majorly crushing on a guy.” She wiped ketchup that had spilled out of the corner of her mouth.
It was my turn to sigh and take a bite of my burger. “No.”
She looked at me, chewing.
I frowned at her, and swallowed. “I don’t know. But even if I do, I’m done with guys who have issues.” I put down the burger bag and wiped my hands with a napkin.
Daphne choked on her burger, and then laughed. “Hi, have we met? I’m Daphne, your best friend since kindergarten.”
I was about to argue with her - pointlessly, since she was right, although I’d never tell her that - when the radio buzzed into life. “Gunshots fired, multiple victims at the Penn Avenue McDonald’s in the Strip.”
I was slamming our food back into bags and holding our drinks while Daphne hit the lights and sirens. But before we were even halfway to the scene, the radio crackled again, diverting us to a supermarket parking lot less than two blocks away. I looked at Daphne, and she was biting her lip. Sounded like the shooters were back.
We were the first ambulance on the scene at the supermarket, and the cops hadn’t even gotten control of the crowd yet. People were screaming and milling around, and it took a few minutes to figure out who the victims were. There were three dead, and one woman with a bullet in the abdomen. She told us she was seven months pregnant.
I got a line in and gave her oxygen while Daphne did a fast triage on the other victims. By the time she was done, two other ambulances had gotten there, and we gently moved our victim to the back of the rig. Daphne rode with her and I drove, but we both knew she was miscarrying before we got out of the parking lot.
She knew it too, and started keening almost in time with the siren as I gritted my teeth and drove down the wet street.
We barely had time to drop her off before we got called out again, back to the original scene. Things were much calmer this time, and we transported an elderly man and his frightened daughter to the hospital. I was strapping our equipment back in place while Daphne talked to someone near the ambulance bay, when another call came over the radio. I hollered for Daphne and we went back out.
Brian’s POV
My face was resting on the cool metal door of my locker. My eyes were gritty and burning, and I wanted to sleep for a week. I took a deep breath and walked to the sink on the other side of the room, and sluiced my face down with cold water, letting it splash into my hair and run down my chest. I shook my head, and droplets sprayed on the mirror and wall.
It had been a brutal nineteen hours in the OR, and every surgeon on staff had been there, digging for bullets and trying to stitch shredded organs and skin back together. I was used to a certain amount of bad outcomes. Trauma wasn’t where you worked when you wanted to stack the odds in your favor. But I’d lost three in a row last night, and all I wanted right now was a drink and dead sleep.
I dried my face with a towel, put on a clean shirt, and went up to Gus’ room. He’d had his first course of chemo while I was trying to keep some other kid’s mother from bleeding to death. Unsuccessfully.
I walked into Gus’ room. Lindsay had him over on her bed near the window. He wasn’t on any monitoring equipment, just hooked up to IVs, and his eyes were red, either from crying, or puking, or both.
When I sat down, he burrowed into me, and I hugged him. “Hey, Gus. Not feeling too good?” He shook his head, but didn’t say anything. His leg was in a cast, and it was sticking straight out in front of him.
Lindsay took a deep breath, and I leaned across Gus, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She smiled a little at me, but there were tears in her eyes. “I told him you had an emergency.”
I knew from the warning look on her face she’d heard the shooters had hit again, but didn’t want Gus to know. “How did it go?”
“It was fine, until a few hours after he had the first round, when he started puking. They’d given him drugs to prevent nausea and vomiting, and some different ones after, but they don’t seem to have helped.”
I sighed. Just then Gus started to whimper, and Lindsay grabbed for the basin and held it out for him. I kept my hand on his back while he spewed bile in the bowl.
Melanie walked in, two Starbucks cups in her hand. She stopped when she saw me. “I didn’t get you one, Brian. I can go to the cafeteria…”
I shook my head. “I’m okay.”
Lindsay looked at me, frowning. “Brian, you’ve been up all night.”
I took her coffee out of her hand, and took a sip, and handed it back to her. “I’m up all night pretty much every night. I don’t need much sleep.”
Melanie snorted, but Lindsay gave her a look and she didn’t say anything. Gus had fallen asleep with his head on my leg, and I didn’t want to move, so I just leaned back, letting myself drift into half-sleep, Melanie and Lindsay’s voices washing over me like rain falling outside the windows.
Gus woke up, and this time I grabbed the basin, and got it under his face just in time. He started crying when he was done, and Melanie took the basin and went to dump it while Lindsay pulled him into her lap.
Melanie came back, the basin clean. “Why don’t you get some sleep, Brian?”
I looked at her. She’d been on her best behavior with me, probably because Lindsay was at the breaking point. I nodded.
“And eat something, Brian.” It was Lindsay, Gus across her lap, sleeping again.
I ran my hand over her hair. “After I sleep.”
She nodded, and I went home to a glass of scotch, a shower, and clean sheets.
I woke up at noon, and took a piss. I contemplated going back to bed, but my sleep had been full of dreams, and I showered again instead. I looked in the refrigerator, but Evian and poppers didn’t sound like the nourishing breakfast Lindsay’d had in mind, so I headed to the diner.
I walked in the door, and stopped when I saw Justin sitting at the counter. He wasn’t in uniform, just wearing a baggy sweater and jeans, a messenger bag lying on the floor at his feet.
I walked over and sat next to him. “Hey.”
He must have seen me come in before I noticed him, because he didn’t turn his head. “Hey.”
He took a swallow of his coffee. I raised an eyebrow. “You’re not working today?”
He still didn’t look at me, just drank some more coffee. “I have a class.”
“You’re in school?” I sounded surprised.
He finally glanced at me. “Yeah. I go to the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts, I’m working on my MFA.”
I sat back. “A fine artist who’s a paramedic?”
He shrugged. “I have to pay the tuition somehow.”
“How old are you, anyway? You look fifteen.”
He turned to face me then, and he looked pissed. Which was the point. He didn’t really look fifteen. He looked eighteen.
“Really? Do you make a habit of fucking fifteen year olds?”
I snorted. “I kind of figured you weren’t a moonlighting high school kid. How old are you?”
“Twenty-three. How old are you?” And he looked at me, almost smirking.
I gestured to the waitress to bring me some coffee, and turned back to Justin. “I’m thirty-five.”
He went back to his coffee.
Betty brought my coffee, and I took a sip. He was pretending not to remember I was there, and I was amused at his feigned indifference. “So, what kind of fine art do you do?”
That sideways glance again. “I paint. And do some manipulated images, computer stuff, but not graphic design.”
“I do a little collecting.” I waited to see what he’d say to that.
“I noticed you had a few nice pieces at your place.” Like he spent any time looking at anything in the loft besides my dick.
I leaned in close to him, and let my mouth brush his ear. He flushed, but didn’t move one inch closer to me. “Why don’t you come back and take a closer look now?”
He shook his head. “I told you, I have a class.”
I chuckled. “Well, I have six hours until I have to be at the hospital.”
Justin turned around then, and faced me. His eyes looked right into mine. “Fuck off, Brian.”
I almost laughed, but I wanted to get into his ass again, and knew that wasn’t the way. “You loved it.”
“You’re great in bed.” He shrugged. “It’s out of bed that’s the problem.”
I did laugh then. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means I don’t like being treated like shit as soon as you’ve gotten off.”
Oh god. Another romantic. “I’m not into the whole love and romance thing, Justin. That’s not who I am. I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking.”
Now it was Justin who laughed. “Are those the only two choices?” He got up, threw a couple of dollars on the counter, and grabbed his bag and jacket from the floor. “No thanks, to both.” And he walked out of the diner.
I sat at the counter for a minute, and then heard the sound of applause behind me. I didn’t look towards the sound, just took a sip of my coffee and set it down. “Theodore. Emmett.”
Ted walked over and took the seat Justin had just vacated. “Thank you. Really, Brian, thank you. I’ve never seen the Great God Kinney shot down before, and by a teenaged twink. I’ll be looking for the sun to set in the east tonight.”
I didn’t look at him, or at Emmett when he took the seat on the other side and started his commentary. “Yes, it’s a day that will live on in history, that will be the cause of little children gathering in the streets to laugh and point, the day Brian Kinney got told to fuck off by a golden haired boy who isn’t even old enough to shave yet.”
“He’s 23.” I swallowed another mouthful of coffee before something else slipped out.
Ted laughed. “Twenty-three? Did he find the fountain of youth, and refuse to tell you where?”
Betty came over, pencil poised over her notepad. I gave her my order, and sat there and let Ted and Emmett dissect my many character flaws and outline their joy at my supposed humiliation, while I drank coffee and waited for my food.
I realized they’d stopped talking, and glanced at Emmett. He usually cracked first.
He did. His face got all moony. “How’s Gus?”
I shrugged.
That meant it was Ted’s turn. “Are you going to see him?”
Betty set my plate down, and I tried to eat some of my egg white omelet. I shrugged again.
Emmett looked across me at Ted. “That means yes.”
“I know, I took remedial Kinney-speak last summer, when I started working at the hospital.”
Emmett tilted his head to one side. “In the job Brian got you.”
“Right.”
“So maybe we shouldn’t tell everyone about the Twink Who Shot Him Down, out of, you know, respect.”
Ted frowned. “Hmmm. Good point. What do you think, Bri?”
I put down my fork, threw a ten on the counter, and got off the stool. “I think both of you should do or say whatever the fuck you want. And get lives.”
I heard Emmett saying goodbye while I went out the door. Ted was laughing.
Justin’s POV
I was still mentally telling Brian off while I sat in class. When my professor asked me a question, it took me a few seconds to even realize I needed to ask him to repeat it. After class, I went to the studio building and let myself into my workspace. When I started slamming my paints around, I stopped and made myself calm down. I had little enough time to paint, and I wasn’t going to waste it yelling at someone who wasn’t there.
I worked until it was dark, and then cleaned up. I was slinging my bag over my shoulder when my cell phone rang.
“You ready?” It was Daphne.
“Yeah, want to pick me up?”
“I’m outside. Hurry up, we can eat before our shift starts.”
When we walked into the diner, Debbie was standing with her back to the door, watching the television. Daphne and I sat at a booth, and the bus boy brought us coffee. I had never seen the television on before, although it had been sitting in the corner as long as Daphne and I had been coming here.
“Watching your soaps, Deb?” It was an irate customer from a seat near the front door.
Debbie turned around. “Don’t worry, hon, I’ll be spitting in your food, but I don’t have anything catching.” She started to turn back to the television, and caught sight of Daphne and me. “Sunshine! Daphne!”
I smiled at her. She’d started calling me Sunshine the first time I’d come in with Daphne. Now that I was working in Pittsburgh and we came in all the time, it was starting to make the place feel like home.
She came over to our table, pad in hand. “So, you two being careful out there? It’s fucking terrifying.” I glanced at the TV screen, where a scrolling notice at the bottom told us how many total people had been killed during the two shooting rampages. I couldn’t hear what the newscasters were saying.
Daphne looked behind her at the TV, then back at Debbie. “There haven’t been more shootings, have there?”
Debbie shook her head. “No, and I’d know, my husband - well, not my husband because we’re not married…”
“Because your son and his partner can’t get married.” Daphne and I said it together.
“Well, at least I know you two are listening. Anyway, Carl is a cop and he said they’re worried there’ll be more shootings. They have no clues, no leads, no ideas.”
Daphne shook her head. “This is crazy. We’ve brought in so many people - that woman who lost her baby, and that little boy with the shot up leg.”
Debbie looked at Daphne. “Little boy with a shot up leg? You two brought in Gus? Lindsay and Mel’s Gus?”
We looked at each other, then Daphne frowned. “Dr. Kinney’s little boy, do you know him?”
Debbie’s face looked kind of soft and frowning at the same time. “Do I know ‘Dr. Kinney’? I’ve known him since I had to remind him to do his homework. He practically grew up at my house. He’s my son Michael’s best friend, he’s like a fucking son to me. When I’m not wanting to kick his fucking ass.”
“You too?” But I just mumbled it.
Daphne kicked me under the table, and Debbie raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like you know him, too, Sunshine.”
She sat down next to Daphne, and laid her hand over hers. “Tell your partner here to stay away from Brian. He’s a heartbreaker.”
Daphne shook her head. “You tell him. He stopped listening to me when we were in junior high.”
“Are you listening, Sunshine?” And she reached across the table and smacked my face lightly.
“You don’t need to tell me. I told him to fuck off.”
Daphne sighed, and Debbie looked at me strangely. “You told him to fuck off?”
I nodded. Debbie just kept giving me that look. “Huh. Okay.” She shook her head, her big earrings jangling. “Just take care of yourselves out there. And since you’re the ones who brought in Gus, who is almost but not quite my grandson, your dinner’s on the house.”
We finished our dinner and left Debbie a huge tip, and then went to pick up the rig. When we got to the dispatch center, we picked up something else, too: bulletproof vests. We carried them outside with us, and I stood in the snow next to the rig, looking at mine. Daphne shrugged and climbed into the driver’s seat, throwing the vest in the back. I got in, and put mine at my feet.
It was a boring night, and we had only one hour left of it when I felt my eyes getting heavy. Daphne stopped in front of an all night convenience store to get coffee. I used the bathroom, and saw her through the glass door, waiting for me out front.
When I got outside, Daphne handed me my coffee, and gestured at the window of the gift shop next door. “When they open, we should get one of these teddy bears with the balloons, and go see Gus.”
I sipped my coffee. “Why would we want to do that, exactly?”
She gave an exasperated huff. “He’s a hurt little boy with cancer, and we’re the team that brought him in. Don’t you think it would be nice to go see how he’s doing? Maybe it would make him happy.”
I stared in the window, not really looking at the stuffed animal display. “You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to try to keep me out of trouble, and advise me against seeing guys who treat me like shit, even if they’re hot and great in bed.”
“Justin, you really like him.” She frowned. “It’s been a long time since you really liked anyone.”
I shook my head. “We just met. I don’t even know him.”
She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s bring the kid some balloons after our shift tomorrow. Brian probably won’t even be there.”
I groaned. “I can’t believe we have another shift in ten hours.”
She shrugged. “It’s better than those fucking 24 hour shifts at MedFlash.”
I nodded, and we got back in the rig and waited for our next call.
Brian’s POV
I was standing in the hall outside Gus’ room, watching him sleep. I rubbed the back of my neck, and blinked my gritty eyes a few times.
He just kept sleeping. He looked like one of the little kids in the television ads for children’s cancer research, with his hair gone and dark circles under his eyes. Lindsay had gone to Michael’s to see JR, and Melanie was sitting next to Gus’s bed, her laptop on her legs. But she didn’t take her eyes off Gus.
I turned and went back to the trauma department without going in.
An hour later, I was trying to keep someone alive long enough for the guys from cardiac and orthopedic to do the fancy stuff. After that, he was their problem. Cynthia was standing next to me, her eyes tired over her mask.
I snapped out an order for more suction, got a report from the anesthesiologist, and finally got the bleeding stopped. I took a deep breath. “Okay, that’ll do it. Tell them to come in.”
I left the room while the second team swarmed in, and Cynthia followed me out of the OR. She watched me strip off my cap, mask and gown, and ran a hand through her hair after pulling her cap off. “Have you seen Gus?”
I nodded. “He was asleep.”
She threw her gown in the bin. “I went up today, before I started. He was awake, but they had him all doped up on antiemetics.”
“Which make him groggy and confused without doing shit for the puking.” I slammed the lid of the bin.
She gave a tired smile. “Yeah. That’s why we love our jobs.”
I groaned. “I’ll go up now. Maybe he’s awake.”
Cynthia just nodded, and I went upstairs. I was still ten feet from his room when I heard a sound I almost didn’t recognize, it had been so long since I’d heard it: Gus laughing.
The first thing I saw when I stood in the door was a huge bunch of balloons floating around, multi-colored streamers trailing. Then I looked at the bed, and blinked my eyes three times before I could believe what I was seeing. Justin was sitting next to Gus, a big sketchpad open in front of them. They were laughing.
“Brian!” Lindsay came over and hugged me.
Gus squealed, “Daddy!” I smiled at him over Lindsay’s shoulder.
“Brian, this is Justin and Daphne, they’re the paramedic team who brought Gus in. Guys, this is Gus’ father, Brian.” Lindsay sounded happy.
Daphne smiled at me, her nose wrinkling. “Hi.”
I smiled at her. “Hello. Thanks for taking care of Gus.” And I turned to look at Justin.
He was tearing pages out of his sketchpad and talking to Gus quietly, and he barely looked at me. He stood up. “I need to go.” He leaned down and gave Gus a hug, and picked up his sketchpad. “I’ll draw you something else next time.”
Gus looked at him, his head tilted to the side. “You’ll come back?”
Justin smiled, and it lit up his whole face. “I promise.”
He glanced at Daphne, said goodbye to Lindsay, and was out the door in ten seconds flat. I almost laughed.
I started towards Gus’ bed, but Lindsay gave me a narrow-eyed look. “Brian? Could I talk to you outside for a minute?”
I contemplated saying no, but my track record for turning Lindsay down wasn’t the greatest, and trying was usually a waste of time. I nodded. We went out into the hall and she turned to face me, arms crossed.
“You fucked him.”
I sighed. “Probably, but to whom are you referring, specifically?”
She glared at me. “Justin.”
I didn’t answer her.
“Oh, Brian. Gus loved him. Go find him, make sure he comes back.”
I looked at her in shock. “Chase after him?”
“Brian.”
I shook my head, but somehow, five minutes later, after nothing more than a quick “hello” to Gus, I found myself in the parking lot. I saw Justin’s blond head near one of the rigs in the ambulance bay, and walked over slowly.
Daphne was standing at the back, and looked at me with open curiosity when I passed her. I smiled, my best smile, and she grinned back.
Justin had his back to me, and was putting something dark on the floor of the passenger side of the ambulance. “Justin?”
He whipped around, surprise on his face. “Yeah?”
I felt my lower lip turn in, and I shoved my hand through my hair. “Thanks for coming to see Gus. He wants to be a paramedic when he grows up now.”
Justin laughed. “Not a great career move. Tell him to be a doctor like his daddy, or a lawyer like his mom.”
I smiled. “You tell him.”
Justin looked at me for a while, and then nodded. “I will.”
I cleared my throat, and felt both my lips turning inward. “Thanks.”
Justin just stared at me, and I suddenly realized I couldn’t look away. I just stood there like a teenager, until Justin finally dropped his eyes. He was starting to blush, just like he had the first night. I smiled.
Daphne slammed the back doors, and called out, “All set. We have to drop off the vests. Do you have yours?”
Justin reached in the rig and pulled out what I now saw was a bulletproof vest. I’d never seen any of the paramedics at this hospital wearing them before. He saw my surprise. “New thing, because of those shooters.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “They think they’ll hit again?”
Daphne was standing next to us, her vest in her hand. “They think it could happen. They haven’t caught the guys.”
I thought about that for a minute. “Be careful.”
Daphne smiled at me, her eyes looking at me in a very irritatingly knowing way. “We’re always careful.”
Justin slammed the ambulance door, laid the vest over his arm, and headed for the dispatch center on the other side of the complex. Daphne gave me a big grin and waved before she followed him.
Justin’s POV
When I woke up the next morning, the sun was out, glaring off the ice and snow on the side of the road. Lots of accidents on days like this, but I wasn’t working until the next day. Today, I was working in my studio.
I walked past the diner before going in, trying to see if Brian was there. He wasn’t, so I shoved open the door and sat at the counter, sliding my jacket off and dumping it on top of my bag on the floor.
“Sunshine!” Debbie came up, smiling. “Still in one piece?”
I smiled. “Yeah. And in severe caffeine withdrawal.” I nodded at her coffee pot, and she turned my cup over and filled it.
I heard the door opening, and felt the cold air rush in, and Debbie mumbled “Shit” under her breath. I looked up at the man who was standing next to me. And for some completely inexplicable reason, I smiled.
He didn’t respond at first. Then his lips quirked a little, and then he was smiling back at me.
“Shit.” It was Debbie, and this time it wasn’t under her breath.
Brian glanced at her. “Shit? I know the food’s bad, Deb, but… shit?”
“Ha ha. Sit down. One fat-free, calorie-free, flavor-free breakfast coming right up.” She smiled at me. “What can I get you, Sunshine? You can’t start your day on coffee alone.”
I ordered bacon and eggs, and after she walked away, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Brian.
He tipped his head to the side, which made him look disturbingly like Gus. “Sunshine?”
I shrugged. “She started calling me that the first time I came in here. I have no idea why.”
His lips quirked again. “I think it’s your smile.” He touched my lips with his fingertip, and I jerked back like his finger burned me. Then I blushed again.
He slid onto the stool, and stirred about ten pounds of sugar into his coffee. “Do you have a class today?”
I shook my head. “I’m working in my studio.”
Brian shifted to face me, and took a sip of his coffee. “I’d love to see your work.”
I hesitated. I’d had to share an open workspace until I got into the graduate program. I was used to people tramping in and out of my studio all the time. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted Brian there. I had a feeling the memory of him being there would be somewhat distracting, later on.
I started to tell him no. “Okay. Today?”
He almost seemed surprised, but then I decided I was imagining it.
Brian smiled, and started to say something, but Debbie set our plates in front of us. “Here you go, boys.” She stood there watching while we ate. “So, Brian, don’t be a shit to Sunshine here.”
I would have expected Brian to get angry, but he just smiled at Debbie. “Why, Debbie. Who could be a shit to Justin?”
She snorted and walked away. I was blushing, and when Brian lifted an eyebrow at me, I blushed harder. “I never said anything to her…”
Brian laughed. “Don’t worry. Nagging me is Deb’s default setting. She’s the mom I never had.”
I looked down at my plate. “Your mom died?”
“Tragically, no.”
I looked at him, and then gave a short laugh. Even to me it sounded bitter. “Same here.”
Brian smiled at me, and somehow it was the sweetest smile I’d ever seen on his face. “That’s why I made sure my son had two mothers.”
I laughed.
After we ate, we walked down the street towards Brian’s car. I hadn’t really gotten a good look at it the first night. “What is this?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s a ’71 Corvette Stingray, god, what kind of red-blooded American male are you?”
I shrugged. “The kind who’s never had a car of his own.”
Brian unlocked the door and opened it for me. I slid in, holding my bag on my lap. There wasn’t anywhere else to put it.
He parked in the lot, and I took him back to my studio. I slid the door open, and he walked in, and stood there.
The sun was pouring in the far window. He walked over to my easel first, but the painting wasn’t even half done. I pulled a few canvases out from where they were leaning on the wall, and let him look at them while I got out my paints and got ready to work.
I finally looked at him. He had a soft expression on his face. He saw me looking at him, and he blinked.
We stood there looking at each other, and I felt the same thing I’d felt the first night. It was a feeling I’d never had before, but it felt totally familiar at the same time. It felt warm, and a little scary.
He cleared his throat. “You’re good.”
I looked down at my hands, and realized I was holding my brushes tightly in my right fist. “Thanks.”
He walked up to me, and put his hands on my upper arms. I didn’t move. “Really good. They’re beautiful.”
I really thought I should say something, but my mind was blank.
He tightened his grip on my arms, and bent down and brushed his lips across mine. I put my arms up around his neck, and let my brushes fall to the floor behind him.
Brian kissed me with his mouth closed, his lips warm and dry. I forgot everything I’d ever known about kissing, and just hung onto him. I finally opened my mouth under his, wanting more, wanting his tongue and his teeth. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and I heard my own moans, heard him breathing hard.
His hands were clenching painfully hard on the back of my neck, closing on fists full of my hair. I sucked on his tongue, and ran my tongue under his, licking at his teeth and the inside of his lips. He broke his mouth away from mine, and kissed my face and jaw. I felt him pull me tight against him, and I went up on my toes while he bent his knees.
My head fell back while he kissed my throat, and he straightened his legs, lifting me off the floor. He was saying something against my skin, but I didn’t know what it was.
He let me slide down his body until I was standing on my feet again, my face pressed into his chest. His hands were back in my hair, and I could feel his heart hammering against my forehead.
Brian took a deep breath, and I looked up at him. He smiled at me, and I felt myself smile back. His eyes looked darker than I’d ever seen them, and he bit his lip for just a second. “I should let you get your work done.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Brian trailed his fingers across my cheek, touched his nose to mine, and kissed me softly. “Later.”
I watched him go to the door. “Later.”
I sat down at the small table by the window, and didn’t get one fucking thing done that day.
Brian’s POV
I had no fucking idea what I’d just done in Justin’s studio at PIFA. Other than being fairly sure I’d never done anything remotely like it before.
I shook my head to clear it, got in my car, and drove to the hospital. Gus was going home that afternoon, for a couple of days’ rest before his surgery. This round of chemo was done.
He was asleep when I got there, and so was Lindsay, curled up on the little bed by the window. I sat next to Gus for a while, watching his eyes move behind his lids. The drawings Justin had done for him were tacked to the wall next to the bed. One of them was of the ambulance, with a yellow-haired man and a shorter, dark-haired woman waving. The other one was Gus, smiling.
I didn’t realize how tired I was until I woke up. My pager was going off. I got up and left the room, so it wouldn’t wake Gus. Lindsay’s eyes had opened, but she was asleep again before I got out of the door. She must have learned to sleep through anything in the last couple of weeks.
I phoned my office, and didn’t tell them I was in the hospital or they’d have found a reason for me to come down. I went back into Gus’ room, and he was sitting up, talking to Lindsay.
“Hey, Gus. You’re going home today.”
He smiled. “Going to sleep in my real bed tonight.”
I reached out to mess up his hair, before realizing he didn’t have any. I curved my hand around his head, and leaned down and kissed him. “You sure are.”
“Will you come visit tomorrow, Daddy?”
I hugged him. “Of course I will.”
I sat with him, letting him read to me from a book about wild animals, and felt my eyes start to drift shut again. I held on to enough awareness to learn that the tiger is actually larger than the lion, and then Lindsay was shaking my shoulder. She smiled at me when I opened my eyes. Gus was asleep, and my arm was around him. She was whispering. “His wheelchair is here.”
I picked him up, and he woke up when I settled him into his wheelchair, and pushed him down the hall.
I got back to the loft after nine, and was showered, shaved, changed, and at Woody’s by 10:30. Ted and Emmett were there, and to my great surprise, Michael and Ben were sitting at the bar, apparently enjoying their respite from full time infant care.
“Brian!” Michael hugged me. “Did you get Gus home?”
I nodded, and ordered a double Chivas at the bar, swallowed it, and ordered another. Ben watched me, a small smile on his lips. I lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t say anything, just took his beer and walked over to join Ted and Emmett at the pool table.
“Your husband doesn’t like me.” I gestured to the bartender for a third drink.
Michael laughed. “He’s your biggest fan behind your back.”
I thought about that. “He’s your biggest fan, and he thinks you like me. He tolerates me for your sake.”
“I think you might be surprised.” Michael swallowed the last of his beer.
“Can I get you another?” I turned to order my fourth.
“Sure.”
I handed Michael the beer, and drank my fourth drink more slowly. The first three had taken the whirling, sharp edge off my restlessness, and I was starting to feel a little drunk. I probably should have eaten something.
“You should get some sleep. Why don’t you go home?”
I looked at him. “Hi, have we met?”
Michael shook his head. “You’re exhausted.”
“I’ve been exhausted since I was in medical school. I no longer require sleep. I’m a new life form.”
“God, I hope if I ever need emergency surgery, he’s had a good night’s sleep.”
“Good luck with that. Trauma surgeons have never had a good night’s sleep. It’s part of our code.”
I played pool with the guys until around midnight. The happy husbands went home, and I went to Babylon with Emmett and Ted, but left them as soon as we got inside. I wandered around for a little while, had another drink, and then went downstairs to check out the dance floor.
I froze halfway down the stairs, and smiled. Not twenty feet away, dancing and kissing some blond guy, was Justin.
He was wearing a dark t-shirt and jeans, and his eyes were closed. There was glitter in his hair, on his shoulders, and on his face.
I circled around and came up behind him, sliding my arms around him while I looked his dance partner in the eye. “Fuck off.”
The kid looked like he was going to say something, then apparently had second thoughts.
The minute he’d heard my voice, Justin had tensed in my arms, but by the time the guy took off, he was relaxed again. He was leaning back against me, and he’d brought his hands up and was resting them on my forearms.
I dipped my head down and started kissing the back of his neck. It was sweaty under his hair, and I licked and nibbled at his skin. He surprised me by shifting his ass back against me. I bent my knees so my cock rested firmly against his ass.
Justin kept dancing, or at least, moving against me more or less in time to the music. I felt him start to turn around in my arms, so I let him. He draped his arms over my shoulders, and looked at me, a half-smile on his face.
His pupils were dark, and his cheeks were flushed.
I bent down and kissed him, moving my lips over his. He opened his mouth a little, and I felt his tongue teasing me, then withdrawing. I chased it with my own, and he laughed a little, our mouths still together.
I rested my forehead against Justin’s. “You’re giggling.”
He nodded.
“You’re high.”
He smiled at me. “Are you going to give me a lecture on drug abuse, Dr. Kinney?” He gave me a slow blink that went right to my cock.
“That depends. What are you on?”
He licked his lips. “Just a very little bit of E.”
I laughed. We were still dancing. I let my arms lie on top of his, and wrapped my hands around the back of his neck. “Just a very little bit, huh? Enough to impair your judgment and lower your sexual inhibitions?”
He moved his head a little, and kissed my throat. “Yes.”
I shook my head. “Then no, I’m not going to lecture you.” I let him nuzzle and kiss my throat and jaw, my head tipped back. I slid my hands up and down his arms, and in a few minutes, he was pressed tightly against me. He was sweaty and beautiful, and I wanted to fuck him.
I kissed him, and felt him giggle again. I raised an eyebrow.
“I was just about to say something incredibly cheesy about the kiss of life.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, maybe I will give you the drug abuse lecture.”
He grinned at me. “I stopped myself.”
“True. You get points for that.”
Justin slid his hand down between us and cupped my cock. He got points for that too.
“I want this…” he squeezed my cock… “inside me.”
“Fuck.” I bent down and gripped his ass, pulled him hard against me, and straightened my legs. His feet lifted off the floor for a second, then I let him slide down my body until he was standing in front of me. “Do you want to go in the backroom?”
He shook his head. “If you promise not to be an asshole after, I want to go to your place.”
I kissed him, and gave his lower lip a little nip. “I promise.”
We went out into the cold, and I helped him wind his scarf around his neck.
Justin’s POV
Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was just extremely high. Maybe I was just remembering him kissing me in my studio, the winter sun pouring in on us. Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all. But I went home with Brian again.
He pulled me into the loft with a hand on my wrist, then stopped and slid the door shut with a thud behind us. He pressed me against the door and kissed me, his hands unfastening my pants and pushing my shirt up. He kissed his way down my body, and buried his face in my stomach, licking at my skin, swirling his tongue in my navel.
Brian pushed my jeans down, and cupped my bare ass with his hands, pulling my crotch into his face. He nuzzled my pubes, licked the head of my cock, and started biting at my thighs.
I reached down and grabbed his hair and tried to pull his mouth to my cock, but he grasped at my hips and pulled down on me, hard. I stumbled into him, then sank to my knees. He kissed me on the mouth, frantically, almost like he was trying to breathe me in.
I felt the E I’d taken hit me in a wave, and everywhere his bare skin touched me - when had he taken off his shirt? When had he taken off mine? - was hot and sparking red and gold light. I laughed and moaned at the same time, and tried to give him all my air. It felt like Brian wouldn’t be able to breathe if I didn’t.
I could feel him panting into my mouth, and I opened my eyes. His eyes were half-closed, and dark, and his lips were red and swollen from kissing me so hard. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” I said, and started licking the little glittering beads of sweat off his chest and arms. “Fuck me, fuck me….”
He laughed, or moaned, and I felt like I was flying when he pulled me to my feet. I stumbled against him again, and stepped out of my pants, kicking off my shoes. He tugged me into the bedroom, moving backwards, holding my hands, laughing and laughing.
I stripped his jeans off him with desperate hands when we got to the bed, sinking down onto it and pulling him towards my mouth. His hands were in my hair, but they were so gentle, just stroking it. I flattened my tongue on his cock and let my lips slide over the head, then held it in my mouth, playing with it. The instant I tasted his pre-come, I felt another wave of E roll over me, and I hummed and let him slip all the way into my throat.
When he groaned, it mixed with my humming, and I tightened and relaxed my throat to the same rhythm. His knees buckled against me. I fell back on the bed, his cock pulling away from my mouth. Brian shifted me back, pushing on my thighs, spreading me wide.
I felt cold and bare and I pulled at him until he was on top of me. I wound my arms around his neck and my legs around his back, begging him again to fuck me, over and over. His lubed fingers were reaching down between us and pressing against my hole. I opened it up to him, still begging, only this time silently.
He heard me anyway, and ripped a condom open with his teeth. I was running my hands up and down his arms, watching the light glint off the sweat, off the lines and cords of his muscles. “Fuck me.” I just whispered it. It sounded like moaning, but he knew what I wanted.
He put the head of his cock at my opening, and pushed in. I tried to make him hurry, but he was going so slow I wanted to scream, but all that came out my mouth was his name. I might have been saying it over and over, I might have just said it once. I didn’t know, because he was thrusting into me, bringing his hips hard against my thighs. He rubbed at my prostate with the head of his cock, and bit at my neck with his teeth. His left hand was wrapped around the back of my neck, and his right hand was pulling, pulling at my nipples, one and then the other.
I rode the feelings inside my ass, and the waves of E, and the sound of Brian’s frantic moaning, his balls slapping against my skin, the boiling heat inside me. I rode it until it all exploded and splintered and broke, shimmering and sparking behind my eyes and behind my balls.
Brian was moaning and clutching at my shoulders with his hands. It hurt and felt good at the same time, and I knew he was bruising me, bruises that tasted purple and sweet under the pain. Like the hot red fire where his teeth where closing on the skin of my neck. Like the ache inside my ass where he was still jerking and shuddering his orgasm into me.
I might have passed out, or just fallen asleep. I woke up and felt him pulling out of me, and could hardly even move. Brian licked at my neck and gently herded me further back on the bed. He worked the duvet out from under me, cleaned me off with a towel, and then pulled me into his arms. I put my head on his chest, and slipped back down into warm, glittering sleep.
Brian’s POV
Justin’s head was on my chest, and I felt my hand moving through his hair. I liked how it felt slipping through my fingers.
I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. But too many things were racing through my mind. Justin’s paintings, which were nothing at all like what I’d expected. His mouth on mine, his asshole clenching around my cock while he whispered all kinds of things in my ear, most of which I couldn’t understand. His damp neck at Babylon, the glitter in his hair. Him looking at me coolly at the diner the other day, telling me to fuck off.
He murmured in his sleep and burrowed into me, and I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him even tighter. I normally hated sleeping with anyone in the bed at all, let alone nestled into me like this, but it felt good. Erotic, too, his skin so soft sliding against mine. His breath on my chest. Warmth everywhere we touched.
I let my eyes close, and spread my legs a little. One of his slid down into the space between mine, and I closed it up again, tangling us close. I finally fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up before he did. He hadn’t moved, but his lips were parted and he was breathing slowly. I watched him sleep for a few minutes, his lashes fanned out on his cheeks. Then I kissed his forehead and shook him a tiny bit. “Justin.”
After a few repetitions of his name, his eyes fluttered open. “Mmbrgh?”
I laughed. “Good morning.”
He licked his lips and looked at me. “What time is it?”
I looked at the clock. “A little past noon.”
He blinked, and let his eyes close again. I smiled against his hair, and moved my legs against his. He shifted and let his legs fall open, and I rolled over on top of him.
Justin’s eyes opened up again, and he smiled at me. I dipped my head down and kissed his smile, licking his lips and then his tongue. His hands were slowly moving up and down my arms, and his legs were still spread wide around me.
My cock was hard and throbbing, and I reached for a condom and the lube. “Are you sore?” I was moving my finger back and forth across his hole.
He wriggled a little, and shook his head. “It’s okay.”
I let my wet finger slide in just a little bit, and he bit back a moan. I grinned, thinking about the symphony of noises he’d made the night before. He must have known what I was thinking, because he was blushing. I kissed him, touching his tongue with mine just as my finger slid over his prostate.
He bucked up against my hand, and bit at my lip. I pulled away from him and knelt back, putting my hands under the backs of his thighs, lifting him up and pulling him into me. His legs fell over my arms.
He was slowly stroking his cock, his head tipped back, his eyes closed, while I let my cock slide into him. He was tight and hot, and his hand sped up on his dick when I rubbed across his prostate.
I watched him while I fucked him slowly. Twice he pulled his own hand away and I held still until he let me know it was okay to move again. The third time he slapped at my arm, and I didn’t stop, didn’t slow down, just thrust into him repeatedly, hitting that one sweet spot inside him. I felt his ass clamp down on me, pull my orgasm out of me and send it shooting deep into him, while he pumped his out over his hand and chest.
I fell down onto him, his come wet and sticky between us. I buried my face in his neck, and waited for my heart to stop hammering.
He still had his legs open wide around me, and I was lying between them. I reached down and pulled out of him. I got rid of the condom, then found the duvet and pulled it up around my shoulders. I shifted to my side, and Justin scooted down, both of us turning to face each other. I kissed him softly. “Do you have to work today?”
“Not until tomorrow.” We kept kissing for a while, kind of lazily, playing with each other’s fingers. “Do you?”
“Not today. I was going to go see Gus.”
Justin nodded. “Tell him I said hi.”
I cleared my throat, and didn’t look at Justin’s face. “I thought you might want to come with me, to see him.”
Justin’s fingers stopped moving in mine. “At home?”
“Yeah.”
After a minute, he curled his fingers into mine a little. “Okay.”
I sat up. “We should take a shower.”
Justin smiled. “Okay.”
I got up and went into the kitchen naked, and started the coffee. I heard him turning on the shower in the bathroom. I stood in the doorway watching him testing the temperature, and when he got it right, I followed him into the water and steam.
Continued here...
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Pulse Point, Chapter Two
By Xie
Brian's POV
Lindsay had her arms wrapped so tightly around herself her knuckles were white. I leaned in the doorway, listening to the soothing tone of the pediatric oncologist’s voice, designed to lull parents into a false sense of security.
I’d never been very good at that voice.
Melanie’s hand was flat on Lindsay’s back, making comforting circles. Every time she moved her hand, her wedding ring glinted with light from one of the tiny halogen spotlights aimed at the diplomas on the wall. I focused on the little flicker it made, and waited for someone other than Dr. Bordner to start talking.
She ended her speech on an encouraging note. “Did you have any questions?”
Lindsay looked at me, and even Melanie turned around and faced me. I stood up straight and cleared my throat. “Lindz?”
“Why do we have to start today? Wouldn’t it be better for him to come home for a while, recover from the shooting and the surgery he’s already had?” Lindsay was still gripping herself tightly, but her voice was calm.
I hated it when people asked me something I’d just told them, but maybe Lindsay had the same white noise in her head I did. I let Bordner answer.
“We usually do chemo before surgery, because it’s associated with an easier surgery and a better long-term outcome. But in Gus’ case, it’s even more essential, because the bullet shattered his bone, including the tumor, and it’s possible the cancer could have metastasized then. The aggressive pre-surgery course of chemo is designed to kill any cancer cells in his body.”
I wanted to rub my aching forehead, but instead I focused on Lindsay’s eyes, trying to see if she heard what the doctor was telling her. I hoped not.
Bordner looked at me. “Dr. Kinney, did you want to ask anything?”
I shook my head and felt my lip turn inward.
Melanie spoke up for the first time. “You said the odds were somewhere between 60 and 85 percent. That’s a pretty wide range.”
I fought the urge to walk out of the room and cleared my throat again. “Because the bone shattered, we can’t know if Gus’ case is more like a tumor that’s already metastasized, or where it hasn’t.”
Bordner picked up from there. She was smooth. “Exactly. I feel very optimistic about Gus’ prognosis, because these kinds of tumors, when caught early, respond very well to highly aggressive therapy. The bullet wound puts a little more of a question mark on that, but then again, it’s the reason we caught it early. I see no reason at this point to be pessimistic.”
Melanie snorted, and looked at me for a second, but didn’t say anything.
I walked out into the hall, leaving Lindsay talking in a low voice with Bordner. Melanie followed me out.
“Is she full of shit about his chances?”
I looked at her. “She’s putting everything in the best possible light. That’s what oncologists do. And pediatricians. But it’s not bullshit.”
Melanie stared at me for a while, then gave a short nod and went back in the office. I leaned against the wall, waiting.
“Brian?” That was a voice I didn’t expect to hear.
“Mikey. What the fuck are you doing here?”
Michael tried to smile, but he didn’t get very far. “Ben and I are taking JR while Gus has his chemo.” He ignored all my body language and looped his right arm around my neck and kissed my cheek. “Ben’s in with Gus right now, and when Mel and Lindz come back, we’re going by my mom’s and picking JR up.”
“Wheels within wheels.” I almost laughed at the blank look on Michael’s face. “Is Gus awake?”
Michael shook his head. “No, he was asleep when I left. Are you done here, did you want to go down?”
I glanced in the office, and saw Lindsay crying, Bordner and Melanie patting her consolingly. “Sure, let’s go.”
When we got to Gus’ room, Ben stood up. He didn’t hug me, not having Michael’s two decades of practice at ignoring my body language, but he gave me a sympathetic smile. “He hasn’t woken up.”
I went and stood next to the bed, and smoothed Gus’ hair back from his forehead. I tried not to think about what would happen when it started falling out. I tried not to think at all.
And then my pager went off.
Justin’s POV
Daphne looked at me over the top of her milkshake. “I still cannot believe you let him fuck you in the alley when it was 30 degrees out.”
I took a swallow of my coffee, and set it in the cup holder on the dashboard. “Tell me about it.”
“He must be really hot. Tell ME about it.”
I shook my head. “He’s an asshole.” I ate a French fry. “Incredibly hot. But an asshole.”
“All surgeons are assholes. You know that.”
“On the scale of surgeons who are assholes, Dr. Brian Kinney is off the chart.”
“I’ll never understand you.”
I looked at her. Daphne’d known me since I was five years old. I’d lived with her since I was 17. If she didn’t understand me, no one did. “Sure you do.”
“What did he say, drop your pants, and you did? I mean, seriously, Justin!”
I smiled and took another sip of coffee. “He didn’t say anything. Not even that.”
“I don’t get it.” She really did look confused.
I shrugged. “I wanted his dick in my ass. At the moment, that seemed to be enough.”
“At the moment?”
“Yeah, afterwards, something like, hey, see you around, would have been nice. He just walked away.”
“What an asshole.”
I nodded. “Exactly.”
She sighed, and picked up her burger and took a bite. “You like him, don’t you? You always get all cynical and jaded when you’re majorly crushing on a guy.” She wiped ketchup that had spilled out of the corner of her mouth.
It was my turn to sigh and take a bite of my burger. “No.”
She looked at me, chewing.
I frowned at her, and swallowed. “I don’t know. But even if I do, I’m done with guys who have issues.” I put down the burger bag and wiped my hands with a napkin.
Daphne choked on her burger, and then laughed. “Hi, have we met? I’m Daphne, your best friend since kindergarten.”
I was about to argue with her - pointlessly, since she was right, although I’d never tell her that - when the radio buzzed into life. “Gunshots fired, multiple victims at the Penn Avenue McDonald’s in the Strip.”
I was slamming our food back into bags and holding our drinks while Daphne hit the lights and sirens. But before we were even halfway to the scene, the radio crackled again, diverting us to a supermarket parking lot less than two blocks away. I looked at Daphne, and she was biting her lip. Sounded like the shooters were back.
We were the first ambulance on the scene at the supermarket, and the cops hadn’t even gotten control of the crowd yet. People were screaming and milling around, and it took a few minutes to figure out who the victims were. There were three dead, and one woman with a bullet in the abdomen. She told us she was seven months pregnant.
I got a line in and gave her oxygen while Daphne did a fast triage on the other victims. By the time she was done, two other ambulances had gotten there, and we gently moved our victim to the back of the rig. Daphne rode with her and I drove, but we both knew she was miscarrying before we got out of the parking lot.
She knew it too, and started keening almost in time with the siren as I gritted my teeth and drove down the wet street.
We barely had time to drop her off before we got called out again, back to the original scene. Things were much calmer this time, and we transported an elderly man and his frightened daughter to the hospital. I was strapping our equipment back in place while Daphne talked to someone near the ambulance bay, when another call came over the radio. I hollered for Daphne and we went back out.
Brian’s POV
My face was resting on the cool metal door of my locker. My eyes were gritty and burning, and I wanted to sleep for a week. I took a deep breath and walked to the sink on the other side of the room, and sluiced my face down with cold water, letting it splash into my hair and run down my chest. I shook my head, and droplets sprayed on the mirror and wall.
It had been a brutal nineteen hours in the OR, and every surgeon on staff had been there, digging for bullets and trying to stitch shredded organs and skin back together. I was used to a certain amount of bad outcomes. Trauma wasn’t where you worked when you wanted to stack the odds in your favor. But I’d lost three in a row last night, and all I wanted right now was a drink and dead sleep.
I dried my face with a towel, put on a clean shirt, and went up to Gus’ room. He’d had his first course of chemo while I was trying to keep some other kid’s mother from bleeding to death. Unsuccessfully.
I walked into Gus’ room. Lindsay had him over on her bed near the window. He wasn’t on any monitoring equipment, just hooked up to IVs, and his eyes were red, either from crying, or puking, or both.
When I sat down, he burrowed into me, and I hugged him. “Hey, Gus. Not feeling too good?” He shook his head, but didn’t say anything. His leg was in a cast, and it was sticking straight out in front of him.
Lindsay took a deep breath, and I leaned across Gus, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. She smiled a little at me, but there were tears in her eyes. “I told him you had an emergency.”
I knew from the warning look on her face she’d heard the shooters had hit again, but didn’t want Gus to know. “How did it go?”
“It was fine, until a few hours after he had the first round, when he started puking. They’d given him drugs to prevent nausea and vomiting, and some different ones after, but they don’t seem to have helped.”
I sighed. Just then Gus started to whimper, and Lindsay grabbed for the basin and held it out for him. I kept my hand on his back while he spewed bile in the bowl.
Melanie walked in, two Starbucks cups in her hand. She stopped when she saw me. “I didn’t get you one, Brian. I can go to the cafeteria…”
I shook my head. “I’m okay.”
Lindsay looked at me, frowning. “Brian, you’ve been up all night.”
I took her coffee out of her hand, and took a sip, and handed it back to her. “I’m up all night pretty much every night. I don’t need much sleep.”
Melanie snorted, but Lindsay gave her a look and she didn’t say anything. Gus had fallen asleep with his head on my leg, and I didn’t want to move, so I just leaned back, letting myself drift into half-sleep, Melanie and Lindsay’s voices washing over me like rain falling outside the windows.
Gus woke up, and this time I grabbed the basin, and got it under his face just in time. He started crying when he was done, and Melanie took the basin and went to dump it while Lindsay pulled him into her lap.
Melanie came back, the basin clean. “Why don’t you get some sleep, Brian?”
I looked at her. She’d been on her best behavior with me, probably because Lindsay was at the breaking point. I nodded.
“And eat something, Brian.” It was Lindsay, Gus across her lap, sleeping again.
I ran my hand over her hair. “After I sleep.”
She nodded, and I went home to a glass of scotch, a shower, and clean sheets.
I woke up at noon, and took a piss. I contemplated going back to bed, but my sleep had been full of dreams, and I showered again instead. I looked in the refrigerator, but Evian and poppers didn’t sound like the nourishing breakfast Lindsay’d had in mind, so I headed to the diner.
I walked in the door, and stopped when I saw Justin sitting at the counter. He wasn’t in uniform, just wearing a baggy sweater and jeans, a messenger bag lying on the floor at his feet.
I walked over and sat next to him. “Hey.”
He must have seen me come in before I noticed him, because he didn’t turn his head. “Hey.”
He took a swallow of his coffee. I raised an eyebrow. “You’re not working today?”
He still didn’t look at me, just drank some more coffee. “I have a class.”
“You’re in school?” I sounded surprised.
He finally glanced at me. “Yeah. I go to the Pittsburgh Institute of Fine Arts, I’m working on my MFA.”
I sat back. “A fine artist who’s a paramedic?”
He shrugged. “I have to pay the tuition somehow.”
“How old are you, anyway? You look fifteen.”
He turned to face me then, and he looked pissed. Which was the point. He didn’t really look fifteen. He looked eighteen.
“Really? Do you make a habit of fucking fifteen year olds?”
I snorted. “I kind of figured you weren’t a moonlighting high school kid. How old are you?”
“Twenty-three. How old are you?” And he looked at me, almost smirking.
I gestured to the waitress to bring me some coffee, and turned back to Justin. “I’m thirty-five.”
He went back to his coffee.
Betty brought my coffee, and I took a sip. He was pretending not to remember I was there, and I was amused at his feigned indifference. “So, what kind of fine art do you do?”
That sideways glance again. “I paint. And do some manipulated images, computer stuff, but not graphic design.”
“I do a little collecting.” I waited to see what he’d say to that.
“I noticed you had a few nice pieces at your place.” Like he spent any time looking at anything in the loft besides my dick.
I leaned in close to him, and let my mouth brush his ear. He flushed, but didn’t move one inch closer to me. “Why don’t you come back and take a closer look now?”
He shook his head. “I told you, I have a class.”
I chuckled. “Well, I have six hours until I have to be at the hospital.”
Justin turned around then, and faced me. His eyes looked right into mine. “Fuck off, Brian.”
I almost laughed, but I wanted to get into his ass again, and knew that wasn’t the way. “You loved it.”
“You’re great in bed.” He shrugged. “It’s out of bed that’s the problem.”
I did laugh then. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means I don’t like being treated like shit as soon as you’ve gotten off.”
Oh god. Another romantic. “I’m not into the whole love and romance thing, Justin. That’s not who I am. I don’t believe in love. I believe in fucking.”
Now it was Justin who laughed. “Are those the only two choices?” He got up, threw a couple of dollars on the counter, and grabbed his bag and jacket from the floor. “No thanks, to both.” And he walked out of the diner.
I sat at the counter for a minute, and then heard the sound of applause behind me. I didn’t look towards the sound, just took a sip of my coffee and set it down. “Theodore. Emmett.”
Ted walked over and took the seat Justin had just vacated. “Thank you. Really, Brian, thank you. I’ve never seen the Great God Kinney shot down before, and by a teenaged twink. I’ll be looking for the sun to set in the east tonight.”
I didn’t look at him, or at Emmett when he took the seat on the other side and started his commentary. “Yes, it’s a day that will live on in history, that will be the cause of little children gathering in the streets to laugh and point, the day Brian Kinney got told to fuck off by a golden haired boy who isn’t even old enough to shave yet.”
“He’s 23.” I swallowed another mouthful of coffee before something else slipped out.
Ted laughed. “Twenty-three? Did he find the fountain of youth, and refuse to tell you where?”
Betty came over, pencil poised over her notepad. I gave her my order, and sat there and let Ted and Emmett dissect my many character flaws and outline their joy at my supposed humiliation, while I drank coffee and waited for my food.
I realized they’d stopped talking, and glanced at Emmett. He usually cracked first.
He did. His face got all moony. “How’s Gus?”
I shrugged.
That meant it was Ted’s turn. “Are you going to see him?”
Betty set my plate down, and I tried to eat some of my egg white omelet. I shrugged again.
Emmett looked across me at Ted. “That means yes.”
“I know, I took remedial Kinney-speak last summer, when I started working at the hospital.”
Emmett tilted his head to one side. “In the job Brian got you.”
“Right.”
“So maybe we shouldn’t tell everyone about the Twink Who Shot Him Down, out of, you know, respect.”
Ted frowned. “Hmmm. Good point. What do you think, Bri?”
I put down my fork, threw a ten on the counter, and got off the stool. “I think both of you should do or say whatever the fuck you want. And get lives.”
I heard Emmett saying goodbye while I went out the door. Ted was laughing.
Justin’s POV
I was still mentally telling Brian off while I sat in class. When my professor asked me a question, it took me a few seconds to even realize I needed to ask him to repeat it. After class, I went to the studio building and let myself into my workspace. When I started slamming my paints around, I stopped and made myself calm down. I had little enough time to paint, and I wasn’t going to waste it yelling at someone who wasn’t there.
I worked until it was dark, and then cleaned up. I was slinging my bag over my shoulder when my cell phone rang.
“You ready?” It was Daphne.
“Yeah, want to pick me up?”
“I’m outside. Hurry up, we can eat before our shift starts.”
When we walked into the diner, Debbie was standing with her back to the door, watching the television. Daphne and I sat at a booth, and the bus boy brought us coffee. I had never seen the television on before, although it had been sitting in the corner as long as Daphne and I had been coming here.
“Watching your soaps, Deb?” It was an irate customer from a seat near the front door.
Debbie turned around. “Don’t worry, hon, I’ll be spitting in your food, but I don’t have anything catching.” She started to turn back to the television, and caught sight of Daphne and me. “Sunshine! Daphne!”
I smiled at her. She’d started calling me Sunshine the first time I’d come in with Daphne. Now that I was working in Pittsburgh and we came in all the time, it was starting to make the place feel like home.
She came over to our table, pad in hand. “So, you two being careful out there? It’s fucking terrifying.” I glanced at the TV screen, where a scrolling notice at the bottom told us how many total people had been killed during the two shooting rampages. I couldn’t hear what the newscasters were saying.
Daphne looked behind her at the TV, then back at Debbie. “There haven’t been more shootings, have there?”
Debbie shook her head. “No, and I’d know, my husband - well, not my husband because we’re not married…”
“Because your son and his partner can’t get married.” Daphne and I said it together.
“Well, at least I know you two are listening. Anyway, Carl is a cop and he said they’re worried there’ll be more shootings. They have no clues, no leads, no ideas.”
Daphne shook her head. “This is crazy. We’ve brought in so many people - that woman who lost her baby, and that little boy with the shot up leg.”
Debbie looked at Daphne. “Little boy with a shot up leg? You two brought in Gus? Lindsay and Mel’s Gus?”
We looked at each other, then Daphne frowned. “Dr. Kinney’s little boy, do you know him?”
Debbie’s face looked kind of soft and frowning at the same time. “Do I know ‘Dr. Kinney’? I’ve known him since I had to remind him to do his homework. He practically grew up at my house. He’s my son Michael’s best friend, he’s like a fucking son to me. When I’m not wanting to kick his fucking ass.”
“You too?” But I just mumbled it.
Daphne kicked me under the table, and Debbie raised her eyebrows. “Sounds like you know him, too, Sunshine.”
She sat down next to Daphne, and laid her hand over hers. “Tell your partner here to stay away from Brian. He’s a heartbreaker.”
Daphne shook her head. “You tell him. He stopped listening to me when we were in junior high.”
“Are you listening, Sunshine?” And she reached across the table and smacked my face lightly.
“You don’t need to tell me. I told him to fuck off.”
Daphne sighed, and Debbie looked at me strangely. “You told him to fuck off?”
I nodded. Debbie just kept giving me that look. “Huh. Okay.” She shook her head, her big earrings jangling. “Just take care of yourselves out there. And since you’re the ones who brought in Gus, who is almost but not quite my grandson, your dinner’s on the house.”
We finished our dinner and left Debbie a huge tip, and then went to pick up the rig. When we got to the dispatch center, we picked up something else, too: bulletproof vests. We carried them outside with us, and I stood in the snow next to the rig, looking at mine. Daphne shrugged and climbed into the driver’s seat, throwing the vest in the back. I got in, and put mine at my feet.
It was a boring night, and we had only one hour left of it when I felt my eyes getting heavy. Daphne stopped in front of an all night convenience store to get coffee. I used the bathroom, and saw her through the glass door, waiting for me out front.
When I got outside, Daphne handed me my coffee, and gestured at the window of the gift shop next door. “When they open, we should get one of these teddy bears with the balloons, and go see Gus.”
I sipped my coffee. “Why would we want to do that, exactly?”
She gave an exasperated huff. “He’s a hurt little boy with cancer, and we’re the team that brought him in. Don’t you think it would be nice to go see how he’s doing? Maybe it would make him happy.”
I stared in the window, not really looking at the stuffed animal display. “You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to try to keep me out of trouble, and advise me against seeing guys who treat me like shit, even if they’re hot and great in bed.”
“Justin, you really like him.” She frowned. “It’s been a long time since you really liked anyone.”
I shook my head. “We just met. I don’t even know him.”
She rolled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s bring the kid some balloons after our shift tomorrow. Brian probably won’t even be there.”
I groaned. “I can’t believe we have another shift in ten hours.”
She shrugged. “It’s better than those fucking 24 hour shifts at MedFlash.”
I nodded, and we got back in the rig and waited for our next call.
Brian’s POV
I was standing in the hall outside Gus’ room, watching him sleep. I rubbed the back of my neck, and blinked my gritty eyes a few times.
He just kept sleeping. He looked like one of the little kids in the television ads for children’s cancer research, with his hair gone and dark circles under his eyes. Lindsay had gone to Michael’s to see JR, and Melanie was sitting next to Gus’s bed, her laptop on her legs. But she didn’t take her eyes off Gus.
I turned and went back to the trauma department without going in.
An hour later, I was trying to keep someone alive long enough for the guys from cardiac and orthopedic to do the fancy stuff. After that, he was their problem. Cynthia was standing next to me, her eyes tired over her mask.
I snapped out an order for more suction, got a report from the anesthesiologist, and finally got the bleeding stopped. I took a deep breath. “Okay, that’ll do it. Tell them to come in.”
I left the room while the second team swarmed in, and Cynthia followed me out of the OR. She watched me strip off my cap, mask and gown, and ran a hand through her hair after pulling her cap off. “Have you seen Gus?”
I nodded. “He was asleep.”
She threw her gown in the bin. “I went up today, before I started. He was awake, but they had him all doped up on antiemetics.”
“Which make him groggy and confused without doing shit for the puking.” I slammed the lid of the bin.
She gave a tired smile. “Yeah. That’s why we love our jobs.”
I groaned. “I’ll go up now. Maybe he’s awake.”
Cynthia just nodded, and I went upstairs. I was still ten feet from his room when I heard a sound I almost didn’t recognize, it had been so long since I’d heard it: Gus laughing.
The first thing I saw when I stood in the door was a huge bunch of balloons floating around, multi-colored streamers trailing. Then I looked at the bed, and blinked my eyes three times before I could believe what I was seeing. Justin was sitting next to Gus, a big sketchpad open in front of them. They were laughing.
“Brian!” Lindsay came over and hugged me.
Gus squealed, “Daddy!” I smiled at him over Lindsay’s shoulder.
“Brian, this is Justin and Daphne, they’re the paramedic team who brought Gus in. Guys, this is Gus’ father, Brian.” Lindsay sounded happy.
Daphne smiled at me, her nose wrinkling. “Hi.”
I smiled at her. “Hello. Thanks for taking care of Gus.” And I turned to look at Justin.
He was tearing pages out of his sketchpad and talking to Gus quietly, and he barely looked at me. He stood up. “I need to go.” He leaned down and gave Gus a hug, and picked up his sketchpad. “I’ll draw you something else next time.”
Gus looked at him, his head tilted to the side. “You’ll come back?”
Justin smiled, and it lit up his whole face. “I promise.”
He glanced at Daphne, said goodbye to Lindsay, and was out the door in ten seconds flat. I almost laughed.
I started towards Gus’ bed, but Lindsay gave me a narrow-eyed look. “Brian? Could I talk to you outside for a minute?”
I contemplated saying no, but my track record for turning Lindsay down wasn’t the greatest, and trying was usually a waste of time. I nodded. We went out into the hall and she turned to face me, arms crossed.
“You fucked him.”
I sighed. “Probably, but to whom are you referring, specifically?”
She glared at me. “Justin.”
I didn’t answer her.
“Oh, Brian. Gus loved him. Go find him, make sure he comes back.”
I looked at her in shock. “Chase after him?”
“Brian.”
I shook my head, but somehow, five minutes later, after nothing more than a quick “hello” to Gus, I found myself in the parking lot. I saw Justin’s blond head near one of the rigs in the ambulance bay, and walked over slowly.
Daphne was standing at the back, and looked at me with open curiosity when I passed her. I smiled, my best smile, and she grinned back.
Justin had his back to me, and was putting something dark on the floor of the passenger side of the ambulance. “Justin?”
He whipped around, surprise on his face. “Yeah?”
I felt my lower lip turn in, and I shoved my hand through my hair. “Thanks for coming to see Gus. He wants to be a paramedic when he grows up now.”
Justin laughed. “Not a great career move. Tell him to be a doctor like his daddy, or a lawyer like his mom.”
I smiled. “You tell him.”
Justin looked at me for a while, and then nodded. “I will.”
I cleared my throat, and felt both my lips turning inward. “Thanks.”
Justin just stared at me, and I suddenly realized I couldn’t look away. I just stood there like a teenager, until Justin finally dropped his eyes. He was starting to blush, just like he had the first night. I smiled.
Daphne slammed the back doors, and called out, “All set. We have to drop off the vests. Do you have yours?”
Justin reached in the rig and pulled out what I now saw was a bulletproof vest. I’d never seen any of the paramedics at this hospital wearing them before. He saw my surprise. “New thing, because of those shooters.”
I lifted an eyebrow. “They think they’ll hit again?”
Daphne was standing next to us, her vest in her hand. “They think it could happen. They haven’t caught the guys.”
I thought about that for a minute. “Be careful.”
Daphne smiled at me, her eyes looking at me in a very irritatingly knowing way. “We’re always careful.”
Justin slammed the ambulance door, laid the vest over his arm, and headed for the dispatch center on the other side of the complex. Daphne gave me a big grin and waved before she followed him.
Justin’s POV
When I woke up the next morning, the sun was out, glaring off the ice and snow on the side of the road. Lots of accidents on days like this, but I wasn’t working until the next day. Today, I was working in my studio.
I walked past the diner before going in, trying to see if Brian was there. He wasn’t, so I shoved open the door and sat at the counter, sliding my jacket off and dumping it on top of my bag on the floor.
“Sunshine!” Debbie came up, smiling. “Still in one piece?”
I smiled. “Yeah. And in severe caffeine withdrawal.” I nodded at her coffee pot, and she turned my cup over and filled it.
I heard the door opening, and felt the cold air rush in, and Debbie mumbled “Shit” under her breath. I looked up at the man who was standing next to me. And for some completely inexplicable reason, I smiled.
He didn’t respond at first. Then his lips quirked a little, and then he was smiling back at me.
“Shit.” It was Debbie, and this time it wasn’t under her breath.
Brian glanced at her. “Shit? I know the food’s bad, Deb, but… shit?”
“Ha ha. Sit down. One fat-free, calorie-free, flavor-free breakfast coming right up.” She smiled at me. “What can I get you, Sunshine? You can’t start your day on coffee alone.”
I ordered bacon and eggs, and after she walked away, I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Brian.
He tipped his head to the side, which made him look disturbingly like Gus. “Sunshine?”
I shrugged. “She started calling me that the first time I came in here. I have no idea why.”
His lips quirked again. “I think it’s your smile.” He touched my lips with his fingertip, and I jerked back like his finger burned me. Then I blushed again.
He slid onto the stool, and stirred about ten pounds of sugar into his coffee. “Do you have a class today?”
I shook my head. “I’m working in my studio.”
Brian shifted to face me, and took a sip of his coffee. “I’d love to see your work.”
I hesitated. I’d had to share an open workspace until I got into the graduate program. I was used to people tramping in and out of my studio all the time. I just wasn’t sure if I wanted Brian there. I had a feeling the memory of him being there would be somewhat distracting, later on.
I started to tell him no. “Okay. Today?”
He almost seemed surprised, but then I decided I was imagining it.
Brian smiled, and started to say something, but Debbie set our plates in front of us. “Here you go, boys.” She stood there watching while we ate. “So, Brian, don’t be a shit to Sunshine here.”
I would have expected Brian to get angry, but he just smiled at Debbie. “Why, Debbie. Who could be a shit to Justin?”
She snorted and walked away. I was blushing, and when Brian lifted an eyebrow at me, I blushed harder. “I never said anything to her…”
Brian laughed. “Don’t worry. Nagging me is Deb’s default setting. She’s the mom I never had.”
I looked down at my plate. “Your mom died?”
“Tragically, no.”
I looked at him, and then gave a short laugh. Even to me it sounded bitter. “Same here.”
Brian smiled at me, and somehow it was the sweetest smile I’d ever seen on his face. “That’s why I made sure my son had two mothers.”
I laughed.
After we ate, we walked down the street towards Brian’s car. I hadn’t really gotten a good look at it the first night. “What is this?”
He rolled his eyes. “It’s a ’71 Corvette Stingray, god, what kind of red-blooded American male are you?”
I shrugged. “The kind who’s never had a car of his own.”
Brian unlocked the door and opened it for me. I slid in, holding my bag on my lap. There wasn’t anywhere else to put it.
He parked in the lot, and I took him back to my studio. I slid the door open, and he walked in, and stood there.
The sun was pouring in the far window. He walked over to my easel first, but the painting wasn’t even half done. I pulled a few canvases out from where they were leaning on the wall, and let him look at them while I got out my paints and got ready to work.
I finally looked at him. He had a soft expression on his face. He saw me looking at him, and he blinked.
We stood there looking at each other, and I felt the same thing I’d felt the first night. It was a feeling I’d never had before, but it felt totally familiar at the same time. It felt warm, and a little scary.
He cleared his throat. “You’re good.”
I looked down at my hands, and realized I was holding my brushes tightly in my right fist. “Thanks.”
He walked up to me, and put his hands on my upper arms. I didn’t move. “Really good. They’re beautiful.”
I really thought I should say something, but my mind was blank.
He tightened his grip on my arms, and bent down and brushed his lips across mine. I put my arms up around his neck, and let my brushes fall to the floor behind him.
Brian kissed me with his mouth closed, his lips warm and dry. I forgot everything I’d ever known about kissing, and just hung onto him. I finally opened my mouth under his, wanting more, wanting his tongue and his teeth. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and I heard my own moans, heard him breathing hard.
His hands were clenching painfully hard on the back of my neck, closing on fists full of my hair. I sucked on his tongue, and ran my tongue under his, licking at his teeth and the inside of his lips. He broke his mouth away from mine, and kissed my face and jaw. I felt him pull me tight against him, and I went up on my toes while he bent his knees.
My head fell back while he kissed my throat, and he straightened his legs, lifting me off the floor. He was saying something against my skin, but I didn’t know what it was.
He let me slide down his body until I was standing on my feet again, my face pressed into his chest. His hands were back in my hair, and I could feel his heart hammering against my forehead.
Brian took a deep breath, and I looked up at him. He smiled at me, and I felt myself smile back. His eyes looked darker than I’d ever seen them, and he bit his lip for just a second. “I should let you get your work done.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Brian trailed his fingers across my cheek, touched his nose to mine, and kissed me softly. “Later.”
I watched him go to the door. “Later.”
I sat down at the small table by the window, and didn’t get one fucking thing done that day.
Brian’s POV
I had no fucking idea what I’d just done in Justin’s studio at PIFA. Other than being fairly sure I’d never done anything remotely like it before.
I shook my head to clear it, got in my car, and drove to the hospital. Gus was going home that afternoon, for a couple of days’ rest before his surgery. This round of chemo was done.
He was asleep when I got there, and so was Lindsay, curled up on the little bed by the window. I sat next to Gus for a while, watching his eyes move behind his lids. The drawings Justin had done for him were tacked to the wall next to the bed. One of them was of the ambulance, with a yellow-haired man and a shorter, dark-haired woman waving. The other one was Gus, smiling.
I didn’t realize how tired I was until I woke up. My pager was going off. I got up and left the room, so it wouldn’t wake Gus. Lindsay’s eyes had opened, but she was asleep again before I got out of the door. She must have learned to sleep through anything in the last couple of weeks.
I phoned my office, and didn’t tell them I was in the hospital or they’d have found a reason for me to come down. I went back into Gus’ room, and he was sitting up, talking to Lindsay.
“Hey, Gus. You’re going home today.”
He smiled. “Going to sleep in my real bed tonight.”
I reached out to mess up his hair, before realizing he didn’t have any. I curved my hand around his head, and leaned down and kissed him. “You sure are.”
“Will you come visit tomorrow, Daddy?”
I hugged him. “Of course I will.”
I sat with him, letting him read to me from a book about wild animals, and felt my eyes start to drift shut again. I held on to enough awareness to learn that the tiger is actually larger than the lion, and then Lindsay was shaking my shoulder. She smiled at me when I opened my eyes. Gus was asleep, and my arm was around him. She was whispering. “His wheelchair is here.”
I picked him up, and he woke up when I settled him into his wheelchair, and pushed him down the hall.
I got back to the loft after nine, and was showered, shaved, changed, and at Woody’s by 10:30. Ted and Emmett were there, and to my great surprise, Michael and Ben were sitting at the bar, apparently enjoying their respite from full time infant care.
“Brian!” Michael hugged me. “Did you get Gus home?”
I nodded, and ordered a double Chivas at the bar, swallowed it, and ordered another. Ben watched me, a small smile on his lips. I lifted an eyebrow, but he didn’t say anything, just took his beer and walked over to join Ted and Emmett at the pool table.
“Your husband doesn’t like me.” I gestured to the bartender for a third drink.
Michael laughed. “He’s your biggest fan behind your back.”
I thought about that. “He’s your biggest fan, and he thinks you like me. He tolerates me for your sake.”
“I think you might be surprised.” Michael swallowed the last of his beer.
“Can I get you another?” I turned to order my fourth.
“Sure.”
I handed Michael the beer, and drank my fourth drink more slowly. The first three had taken the whirling, sharp edge off my restlessness, and I was starting to feel a little drunk. I probably should have eaten something.
“You should get some sleep. Why don’t you go home?”
I looked at him. “Hi, have we met?”
Michael shook his head. “You’re exhausted.”
“I’ve been exhausted since I was in medical school. I no longer require sleep. I’m a new life form.”
“God, I hope if I ever need emergency surgery, he’s had a good night’s sleep.”
“Good luck with that. Trauma surgeons have never had a good night’s sleep. It’s part of our code.”
I played pool with the guys until around midnight. The happy husbands went home, and I went to Babylon with Emmett and Ted, but left them as soon as we got inside. I wandered around for a little while, had another drink, and then went downstairs to check out the dance floor.
I froze halfway down the stairs, and smiled. Not twenty feet away, dancing and kissing some blond guy, was Justin.
He was wearing a dark t-shirt and jeans, and his eyes were closed. There was glitter in his hair, on his shoulders, and on his face.
I circled around and came up behind him, sliding my arms around him while I looked his dance partner in the eye. “Fuck off.”
The kid looked like he was going to say something, then apparently had second thoughts.
The minute he’d heard my voice, Justin had tensed in my arms, but by the time the guy took off, he was relaxed again. He was leaning back against me, and he’d brought his hands up and was resting them on my forearms.
I dipped my head down and started kissing the back of his neck. It was sweaty under his hair, and I licked and nibbled at his skin. He surprised me by shifting his ass back against me. I bent my knees so my cock rested firmly against his ass.
Justin kept dancing, or at least, moving against me more or less in time to the music. I felt him start to turn around in my arms, so I let him. He draped his arms over my shoulders, and looked at me, a half-smile on his face.
His pupils were dark, and his cheeks were flushed.
I bent down and kissed him, moving my lips over his. He opened his mouth a little, and I felt his tongue teasing me, then withdrawing. I chased it with my own, and he laughed a little, our mouths still together.
I rested my forehead against Justin’s. “You’re giggling.”
He nodded.
“You’re high.”
He smiled at me. “Are you going to give me a lecture on drug abuse, Dr. Kinney?” He gave me a slow blink that went right to my cock.
“That depends. What are you on?”
He licked his lips. “Just a very little bit of E.”
I laughed. We were still dancing. I let my arms lie on top of his, and wrapped my hands around the back of his neck. “Just a very little bit, huh? Enough to impair your judgment and lower your sexual inhibitions?”
He moved his head a little, and kissed my throat. “Yes.”
I shook my head. “Then no, I’m not going to lecture you.” I let him nuzzle and kiss my throat and jaw, my head tipped back. I slid my hands up and down his arms, and in a few minutes, he was pressed tightly against me. He was sweaty and beautiful, and I wanted to fuck him.
I kissed him, and felt him giggle again. I raised an eyebrow.
“I was just about to say something incredibly cheesy about the kiss of life.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, maybe I will give you the drug abuse lecture.”
He grinned at me. “I stopped myself.”
“True. You get points for that.”
Justin slid his hand down between us and cupped my cock. He got points for that too.
“I want this…” he squeezed my cock… “inside me.”
“Fuck.” I bent down and gripped his ass, pulled him hard against me, and straightened my legs. His feet lifted off the floor for a second, then I let him slide down my body until he was standing in front of me. “Do you want to go in the backroom?”
He shook his head. “If you promise not to be an asshole after, I want to go to your place.”
I kissed him, and gave his lower lip a little nip. “I promise.”
We went out into the cold, and I helped him wind his scarf around his neck.
Justin’s POV
Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was just extremely high. Maybe I was just remembering him kissing me in my studio, the winter sun pouring in on us. Maybe I wasn’t thinking at all. But I went home with Brian again.
He pulled me into the loft with a hand on my wrist, then stopped and slid the door shut with a thud behind us. He pressed me against the door and kissed me, his hands unfastening my pants and pushing my shirt up. He kissed his way down my body, and buried his face in my stomach, licking at my skin, swirling his tongue in my navel.
Brian pushed my jeans down, and cupped my bare ass with his hands, pulling my crotch into his face. He nuzzled my pubes, licked the head of my cock, and started biting at my thighs.
I reached down and grabbed his hair and tried to pull his mouth to my cock, but he grasped at my hips and pulled down on me, hard. I stumbled into him, then sank to my knees. He kissed me on the mouth, frantically, almost like he was trying to breathe me in.
I felt the E I’d taken hit me in a wave, and everywhere his bare skin touched me - when had he taken off his shirt? When had he taken off mine? - was hot and sparking red and gold light. I laughed and moaned at the same time, and tried to give him all my air. It felt like Brian wouldn’t be able to breathe if I didn’t.
I could feel him panting into my mouth, and I opened my eyes. His eyes were half-closed, and dark, and his lips were red and swollen from kissing me so hard. “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” I said, and started licking the little glittering beads of sweat off his chest and arms. “Fuck me, fuck me….”
He laughed, or moaned, and I felt like I was flying when he pulled me to my feet. I stumbled against him again, and stepped out of my pants, kicking off my shoes. He tugged me into the bedroom, moving backwards, holding my hands, laughing and laughing.
I stripped his jeans off him with desperate hands when we got to the bed, sinking down onto it and pulling him towards my mouth. His hands were in my hair, but they were so gentle, just stroking it. I flattened my tongue on his cock and let my lips slide over the head, then held it in my mouth, playing with it. The instant I tasted his pre-come, I felt another wave of E roll over me, and I hummed and let him slip all the way into my throat.
When he groaned, it mixed with my humming, and I tightened and relaxed my throat to the same rhythm. His knees buckled against me. I fell back on the bed, his cock pulling away from my mouth. Brian shifted me back, pushing on my thighs, spreading me wide.
I felt cold and bare and I pulled at him until he was on top of me. I wound my arms around his neck and my legs around his back, begging him again to fuck me, over and over. His lubed fingers were reaching down between us and pressing against my hole. I opened it up to him, still begging, only this time silently.
He heard me anyway, and ripped a condom open with his teeth. I was running my hands up and down his arms, watching the light glint off the sweat, off the lines and cords of his muscles. “Fuck me.” I just whispered it. It sounded like moaning, but he knew what I wanted.
He put the head of his cock at my opening, and pushed in. I tried to make him hurry, but he was going so slow I wanted to scream, but all that came out my mouth was his name. I might have been saying it over and over, I might have just said it once. I didn’t know, because he was thrusting into me, bringing his hips hard against my thighs. He rubbed at my prostate with the head of his cock, and bit at my neck with his teeth. His left hand was wrapped around the back of my neck, and his right hand was pulling, pulling at my nipples, one and then the other.
I rode the feelings inside my ass, and the waves of E, and the sound of Brian’s frantic moaning, his balls slapping against my skin, the boiling heat inside me. I rode it until it all exploded and splintered and broke, shimmering and sparking behind my eyes and behind my balls.
Brian was moaning and clutching at my shoulders with his hands. It hurt and felt good at the same time, and I knew he was bruising me, bruises that tasted purple and sweet under the pain. Like the hot red fire where his teeth where closing on the skin of my neck. Like the ache inside my ass where he was still jerking and shuddering his orgasm into me.
I might have passed out, or just fallen asleep. I woke up and felt him pulling out of me, and could hardly even move. Brian licked at my neck and gently herded me further back on the bed. He worked the duvet out from under me, cleaned me off with a towel, and then pulled me into his arms. I put my head on his chest, and slipped back down into warm, glittering sleep.
Brian’s POV
Justin’s head was on my chest, and I felt my hand moving through his hair. I liked how it felt slipping through my fingers.
I wanted to sleep. I needed to sleep. But too many things were racing through my mind. Justin’s paintings, which were nothing at all like what I’d expected. His mouth on mine, his asshole clenching around my cock while he whispered all kinds of things in my ear, most of which I couldn’t understand. His damp neck at Babylon, the glitter in his hair. Him looking at me coolly at the diner the other day, telling me to fuck off.
He murmured in his sleep and burrowed into me, and I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him even tighter. I normally hated sleeping with anyone in the bed at all, let alone nestled into me like this, but it felt good. Erotic, too, his skin so soft sliding against mine. His breath on my chest. Warmth everywhere we touched.
I let my eyes close, and spread my legs a little. One of his slid down into the space between mine, and I closed it up again, tangling us close. I finally fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up before he did. He hadn’t moved, but his lips were parted and he was breathing slowly. I watched him sleep for a few minutes, his lashes fanned out on his cheeks. Then I kissed his forehead and shook him a tiny bit. “Justin.”
After a few repetitions of his name, his eyes fluttered open. “Mmbrgh?”
I laughed. “Good morning.”
He licked his lips and looked at me. “What time is it?”
I looked at the clock. “A little past noon.”
He blinked, and let his eyes close again. I smiled against his hair, and moved my legs against his. He shifted and let his legs fall open, and I rolled over on top of him.
Justin’s eyes opened up again, and he smiled at me. I dipped my head down and kissed his smile, licking his lips and then his tongue. His hands were slowly moving up and down my arms, and his legs were still spread wide around me.
My cock was hard and throbbing, and I reached for a condom and the lube. “Are you sore?” I was moving my finger back and forth across his hole.
He wriggled a little, and shook his head. “It’s okay.”
I let my wet finger slide in just a little bit, and he bit back a moan. I grinned, thinking about the symphony of noises he’d made the night before. He must have known what I was thinking, because he was blushing. I kissed him, touching his tongue with mine just as my finger slid over his prostate.
He bucked up against my hand, and bit at my lip. I pulled away from him and knelt back, putting my hands under the backs of his thighs, lifting him up and pulling him into me. His legs fell over my arms.
He was slowly stroking his cock, his head tipped back, his eyes closed, while I let my cock slide into him. He was tight and hot, and his hand sped up on his dick when I rubbed across his prostate.
I watched him while I fucked him slowly. Twice he pulled his own hand away and I held still until he let me know it was okay to move again. The third time he slapped at my arm, and I didn’t stop, didn’t slow down, just thrust into him repeatedly, hitting that one sweet spot inside him. I felt his ass clamp down on me, pull my orgasm out of me and send it shooting deep into him, while he pumped his out over his hand and chest.
I fell down onto him, his come wet and sticky between us. I buried my face in his neck, and waited for my heart to stop hammering.
He still had his legs open wide around me, and I was lying between them. I reached down and pulled out of him. I got rid of the condom, then found the duvet and pulled it up around my shoulders. I shifted to my side, and Justin scooted down, both of us turning to face each other. I kissed him softly. “Do you have to work today?”
“Not until tomorrow.” We kept kissing for a while, kind of lazily, playing with each other’s fingers. “Do you?”
“Not today. I was going to go see Gus.”
Justin nodded. “Tell him I said hi.”
I cleared my throat, and didn’t look at Justin’s face. “I thought you might want to come with me, to see him.”
Justin’s fingers stopped moving in mine. “At home?”
“Yeah.”
After a minute, he curled his fingers into mine a little. “Okay.”
I sat up. “We should take a shower.”
Justin smiled. “Okay.”
I got up and went into the kitchen naked, and started the coffee. I heard him turning on the shower in the bathroom. I stood in the doorway watching him testing the temperature, and when he got it right, I followed him into the water and steam.
Continued here...