the dreamer vs. the realist ( Read more... )

i suppose it seems right that only death could rattle my personal beliefs. especially when it was someone near and dear to me that passed. days are okay, nights are better now. someone reminded me that there is much more than me and you in this world, bigger. and i felt slightly at ease thinking of this, of the universe and where/ when we belong. ( Read more... )

i sit and wonder often,

is he really gone? ... and then
he is really gone.

it's quite strange how you can feel so alone sometimes.
neurotic minds +

everyone seems to think therapy is necessary. myself included, but strangers are strange. i understand it now, i dont agree but i at least understand. doesnt take away the sadness or the guilt. the what if's. crying spells, come and go. at night its hard. i try to drink more and more. dreams of us, as if he were still here. then i wake up, excited ( Read more... )

im not ready to "talk" to anyone about how i feel, so im writing some thoughts down in here. death is something ive been lucky enough to never experience. the last time i spoke to brian, he was worried about his blood test results, cancer they said it could be, among many other things. i hate doctors. that was last tuesday afternoon, we made plans ( Read more... )

curiously amazing.

a.
yesterday was the first creative day ive had this semester. thoughts came to me as fast as the wind, and i could not catalog them all, but a few were captured and materialized. this semester has been a difficult one for me. my first ever where i was not taking a class associated with photography. i am dealing with acrylic and ( Read more... )

who am i?
who can i be?
who will i be?

a.
looking at student and teachers. each person i categorize, i imagine their lives, their girlfriends or boyfriends. then i think to myself, "what could totally blow my mind about that person?" the answer would be meeting someone who doesn't dress the role they play. appearance and self expression, very ( Read more... )

imagine, if i would have never presumed...

i never knew you.
i dont want to know you.
you're not the person i thought you to be.

a.
"the heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves. Until one day there are none."i lay awake on these treacherous mornings, wondering how i got to this place - to this state, wondering how to get out ( Read more... )

Since the move, with no net, id like to announce that ive been far less productive than ever. Strange days. Journal pages full of poems, mostly isolation and solidarity. Going through the motions, never seemed so foul. Motivation to do more is lacking. Missing frequent motivators and inspirators. If ive added you, i am quite fond of your words and ( Read more... )

Good Things That Happened Last Year

• Printemps - evil roommates moved out of apartment. dental insurance. began taking school more seriously. massive amounts of self education. transferred to a closer work location. living a more content lifestyle, less drinking, more smoking.
• Eté - impressed myself by passing music app. (hardest class ive ever taken ( Read more... )