There is only so much of everyone around me taking vacations and boasting about it that I can handle. It feels like it's been weeks of nothing but people around me bragging about how excited they are for events that they're going to, events that they know I'm not going to be a apart of, and I just sit there and try to ignore it. It feels like it's ( Read more... )

Haven't posted in this in a while, but I got an early bout of anxiety over the break ending and school beginning yesterday. It's almost half way through summer break, and I'm so scared about revisiting/experiencing the separation anxiety I had last year. I feel like it's gonna me way worse this year, and it doesn't help that it's senior year. Big ( Read more... )

At the end of the day, I'm a collective of problems and nerves. Why would I ever have anyone.

I feel like I'm unraveling ( Read more... )

The only thing I can think of to lift my spirits is the tentative birthday trip I hope to make in February....but that's coupled with the anxious fear of panicking over the idea that I would have to make the crass choice for myself to renounce relationships before then. This semester :\

even though it wasn't without tribulations, I had a seriously fantastic winter break. I managed to end it on a good note with breakfast, and I've managed to hold back tears so far today. I'm at my dad's and I felt my first rumble of lonesomeness. I keep asking myself if the things that I fear happening next semester still feel threatening. They do ( Read more... )

There are only five days of break left :( Parts of it are really tough but it's also been a truly pleasurable month. It's making me upset to think about the anxiety that's waiting for me when I'm alone and the semester begins. Separation anxiety and lots of depression because I never easily transition from heavily occupied time into extremely ( Read more... )

I'm in a similar conundrum I was in when summer break was winding down. I'm trying and often managing to stay in the moment, but not without simultaneously swallowing my anxiety in order to enjoy my time. While I get to enjoy my time when I'm occupied, I often experience intense anxiety in my down time (like now..). I keep thinking about and ( Read more... )

it's Christmas and all I can think about are bummer family things and next semester. I am so stupid.

I don't want to make these choices...but whenever I'm alone I realize that the reclusive option is my only viable alternative..but I still don't want to make these choices. Nothing is really mellowing out though.