Wow, so I have been thinking. Again. I know that surprises everyone. But the last thing I have thought of is that maybe I've been trying to be something I'm not. Maybe I have been trying for so long to be what other people think i could do, should be, etc, that I have been ignoring who I really am. Who I really am is not a CEO or high money ( Read more... )

So, I met with Ron. And I think he has doubts, and I have no way to assuage them, b/c I don't feel totally comfortable either. Do I want to work in juvenile detention? I don't know. Soccer and God have been the only things I've ever been sure about, and sometimes I wasn't even sure about them. And I ended up telling Ron that I have had ( Read more... )

So, I forgot to mention yesterday that they have moved graduation for us from Jackson Auditorium to Memorial Gymnasium. Sigh. Talk about aesthetically unpleasing. Apparently some people complained about the 10 ticket limit for graduation and so they moved it to the gym, which they claim seats twice as many people. Not terribly excited, but I ( Read more... )

So, I have things to say, but they're not necessarily things that can be shared. So I'm just gonna type til I have to take my computer back to it's power source. I played an intramural soccer game today. It was a pretty close game, and I made one really good save. We still have issues as a team sometimes, but we're doing better it seems. I ( Read more... )

I had a runin with the chapel bell yesterday. I've been ringing the bell for 2.5 years now, and I finally scratch my face with the cord. I don't really know how. The sun was in my eyes, and yea. Fortunately it didn't draw blood, but I have a small scratch vertically on my bottom lip and down my chin. I have some special talents ( Read more... )

I don't know if I can do it, I want to be out. I'm sorry I didn't do all my homework, I'm sorry it's not up to par. I'm sorry I screwed up so many times. I need to graduate and get out. Please, I need to be done and survive. Maybe I should take the Bs and get the hell out. Do I talk to her, I don't know. I probably won't, I won't unless she ( Read more... )

Yea so that's some spanish I'll probably never forget, and it's rather worthless. And I need grammar. I wish we learned something about grammar in spanish class. Oh well. 50 days (ish) til graduation. Haven't posted in a while, been a little psyched out. I have finally (I think) really accepted the fact that I'm not ok right now, and that I ( Read more... )

I just finished reading my Rich Mullins book. A very good one, I must say. I am working with renewed effort after a time of neglect to learn to love myself the way God does. I am sorry to the ppl at KWED, but I just do not find that to be the place for me. I had a thought that struck me the other night about not being good enough, but then I ( Read more... )

I'm sitting here in the Center, contemplating when I should make my last day at work. And contemplating why I must be so stupid or mean or what. I don't really know what's wrong with me. I keep looking for fulfillment from somewhere, and I can't find it. This keyboard sticks. Hard to type. I feel like hell. I was mad about my dad wanting to ( Read more... )

Today was my last first day of school ever, unless I go to grad school. Which is a possibility, although not likely for the coming fall. Anyway. I wasn't going to post anything tonight since I should probably go to bed, sadly I have homework to do tomorrow, tho fortunately not classes. So I'm now taking 15 hours because there are no decent one ( Read more... )