Lj Idol Week 5- Afterthought

[xreesex]

The silence surrounds us, a combination of distance and too much rum. We'd wasted no time hitting the bar, and your clothes still smell like the airplane- stale and worn

Comments

[shaido]

Excellent.

My only suggestion would be to make sure not to slip from present tense, to past tense. First and second sentence, but apart from that, great.

[xreesex]

I didn't slip tense. She's saying that they hadn't wasted time and thats why his clothes still smell like the airport. Maybe I should say "we HAD wasted no time, and..."

Thanks!

[shaido]

Try this:

"We waste no time hitting the bar, your clothes still smelling like the airplane- stale and worn."

[shaido]

Or better yet:

"We waste no time hitting the bar, and your clothes still smell like the airplane- stale and worn."

Wasted = past tense.

[xreesex]

Thank you, love!

[beautyofgrey]

Seriously, I am so impressed by your writing and your ideas, Reese. I love this.

[xreesex]

Thank you! I almost never write in first person, present tense, so I was worried it would be to "i blah blah blah. I blah blah blah".

[misscrankypants]

The silence surrounds us, a combination of distance and too much rum.

I love this sentence.

[xreesex]

=)

[wyliekat]

It's a great truth that mourning is often followed by a "celebration of life" as it were - great way to capture this!

[xreesex]

Thank you! I have found that (sorry for the tmi), after the deaths of family members in my adult years, I've needed to ... get close with someone.

[wyliekat]

That means you're definitely the proud owner of a human body. ;-}

[xreesex]

Oh, good. I was worried there for a moment!