there are still bits and pieces.
she had blonde hair.
a tiny tummy, and a tan.
made of something better.
meant for something bigger.

god, she was something.
she really was.
untamed in a beautiful way.
things she didn't notice.
things could still be better.
while everyone else was satisfied.

there were so many parties.
so many things she can't recall.
she miss ( Read more... )

It was hot, so hot. Sweltering.
We sat for the drive.
It took so many hours in that heat.
Our faces melting off, but still happy.
A family plus one.
Unfamiliar territory. Hopeful for acceptance.
There's how I felt.
And those stray little details.
They fall like breadcrumbs.

His name was Sal.
Drunk before we got there.
Stumbling back to the beer.
Falling down ( Read more... )

 
i pray that one day despite the mass confusion in my head and elsewhere, I'll finally amount to something complete. Maybe just learn how to love again the things i've quit loving. Just stop hating the things that used to really be alright. I'm different, so different. And i can't even figure out who i am or even who i used to be. there's nothing, ( Read more... )

 damn.
i wish poland was the place for me.

in alot of ways, i’ll never be the same.
since that day, i’ve always been lonely.
i can pretend that there are others.
but i make them out to be what i want.
and thats exactly what they aren’t.

i want to be pursued for once.
god damn it.
i want someone to WANT me.
i need to be forced and pushed.
i need someone who can offer me boundaries.
instead of ( Read more... )

this is stupid.

who have i really become?

running along with common trends.

i'm so much fucking more.

this home restrains me.

too many memories of what i had.

or never had to be realistic.

i need to show them all,

exactly what i'm made of.

some undiscovered kind of substance.

left covered in soot from the explosion.

its time to shake it off.

i'm sick of this.

( Read more... )

i'll do it.

weakness is like a disease.

among many women, anyway.

i should probably be a feminist.

didn't i cut my hair for some reason?

i guess i need to use the scissors.

haha. my wrists are so jealous.

we gossiped through the night.

and i told them why i couldn't hurt them.

haha. talking to myself.

people heard.

so my excuses didn't matter.

now they can ( Read more... )

i love him as my friend.
and i think i have for a while.
and we fought because we both knew it.
i'm going away to school soon.
so its all for the very best of things.
i'm happy.
i feel new.
and i'm happy for that.

i'll miss his friendship.
i won't miss kissing him.
but holding his hand.

i'll miss his family.
cause they made me laugh.

i'll miss his strength.
( Read more... )

i feel so guilty.
there was so much i could have done better.
i should have treated him so much better.
i took all of him for granted and now he's gone.
i feel like i was in a trance.
and it was just routine.
and if i could have just seen what i was giving up.
i could have just tried a little harder to make him happy.
just a little harder to give him what ( Read more... )

Tim broke up with me a few days ago. I'm torn in so many places and he's been so cruel. I've lost my best friend. My very best friend, the person i told everything and the one who held me up when my car crashed and when my grandma died. He held my hand through the hard parts and I tried to hold his. Now its over and he's treating me like this. I ( Read more... )