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[xserene_chaosx]

I came to a painful realization today. Rather, I always knew this, but I truly came to understand it. I can't save people. I just can't. And it kills me to sit back and watch people essentially slowly kill themselves. I was too caught up in my own disorder to see this, but now since I'm not drowning in my symptoms I can see what others are doing to

Comments

[babe_o_gus]

it is hard, and frustrating... I've learned since I've been in recovery that you have to give people the space to screw up their lives. That doesn't mean you support them in said screwing up or that you pretend its okay... It just means that you recognize that everyone has that choice to do healthy things or to do non-healthy things. Part of learning to own one's own recovery is letting others own their recoveries (or lack thereof). Its really tough. You and I can see how much BETTER things can be in recovery and naturally want to have those we care about be in that better place... But we don't have that power. Only they do. And its sad and infuriatng at times, but... There's a quote I say in times like this "he who cannot let go cannot hold on". I cannever remember who said that, but you get the idea.
At any rate, I understand and sympathize...

[mindy_lou]

You're right, its excruciatingly painful, to want to take all the knowledge that you've gainned about yourself, eating disorders, recovery and give it to someone else... and you can't. Unfortunatly Tay, these lessons we all need to learn first hand. It doesn't matter what someone else says or does, we need to see it for ourselves. I couldn't take what I learned and give it to you, as much as I wanted to, and you can't do that either. As much as it pained me to see you where I've been, I knew that you needed to find your way out with my support and others, but that you needed to learn these lessons for yourself, or recovery wouldn't be that. It would be a charade. You've done it, .. the connections have been made, and regardless of whether or not you're symptomatic again in the future, you won't unlearn what you have. All we can do is hope that those we care about will find the strenght and desire that we had to want to keep pressing forward, and learn the very lessons we did.

[anonymous]

isn't it weird, being able to see others slowly kill themselves by the same exact thing you were killing yourself with, yet not being able to realize you were doing it to yourself? it's so strange how i'm so against other people using symptoms, yet i can go ahead and use them. how i give them advice about how eating actually stomps on your ed little bits at a time. i don't understand how i can sit here and save everyone else yet go and hurt myself.

you brought up a good point.

i love you.
dana