Everything that's supposed to be a memory feels like a foggy screen shot of some half-hearted film...things i've done don't seem as though i was truly there. i just seem like a bystander. and so i smoke yet another cig..i was doing well today. not as much as usual - cutting back ( Read more... )

i wish the store would open so i could buy some whiskey. here i am in the big apple - alone, half-drunk, and listless, working on my master's, feeling unfulfilled, under stimulated, and...............realizing that some things never change.

silent air rests heavy - on the weak of bowels and bladders -  and bland sensations permeate her fingertips as she combs the wall in desperation searching yet again for some sign of clarity ?gravity? will you still be here yes the top hat white tie oh those tails seem to drag me in sweet surrender - render me now clear and concise can't seem to ( Read more... )

there are pieces and fragmented memories of self showing themselves to ( Read more... )

.....drinking a Miller light..where are you? Lamenting about the fact that my socks do not yet match. Gave myself a home haircut today. Wish I could eat myself out. I'm going to climb into a bathtub of dreams. What did I do to bleed..thick, now. Come..the drugs are available and this air feels like it's made of dead thoughts. And endless supplies.. ( Read more... )

JANUARY - Controversial attempts at success seem to get me nowhere quick these days.

FEBRUARY - Tonight I received two calls from a pay phone which I did not answer.

MARCH - Less than 6 months. And this won't be a visit.

APRIL - I don't remember where to draw the line between dead and alive.

MAY - Three hour long. Starbucks talk. Angela.

JUNE ( Read more... )

christmas.

maybe i wasn't pretty enough.

inclinations towards old ways of life and old methods of self-resignation.

self-preservation. i seem to have lost my abilities with that;.

inclinations./

choking on my own vomit.

i need to release this.

and watch it drip.

so ( Read more... )

so yes i now know how it feels to be totally isolated. i've been pushing for years to find more solitude and i've never felt so alone.

scared shaking wildly as ( Read more... )