Why the hell do I packrat such useless shit? What's the purpose of keeping it? If I go back and read it, I'll just get upset or angry. Whatever I feel, it won't be nostalgic glee. I still have the bullshit highschool notes.

Rules ( Read more... )

Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up ( Read more... )

So I'm trying this again. I'm exhausting myself to the point of illness just to make myself sleep through one whole fucking night. Apparantly when I'm tired I'm really cranky and I kinda suck at chess. Not horrible, mind you. But I lose some of my ability to play. Every little thing was thoroughly pissing me off today. I need sleep. But I ( Read more... )

I'm still awake. Today might suck. Or it might not. Last night I managed to make PJ feel good about himself. I didn't really do anything special, I'm just that damn awesome. I should say something. Maybe reveal to the world what all has happened in the last two or three weeks. Or however long it's been. Time doesn't really seem to make much ( Read more... )

Just now I was struck again by some of the inconvenience that comes along with the nuts and berries. My mind's been in the gutters all day and it doesn't look like it's going to be heading out anytime soon.

I see myself doing it now. I'm holding some of my thoughts back because of the people I know pay attention. It isn't malicious, hell the thoughts could even be flattering. But... Paranoia? Weariness? It'd be nice to talk to someone right now. But noone exists in the morning hours.

Somehow I fell asleep watching... something? I don't know. I just know that the TV was on when I woke back up. What the hell am I doing awake again? Sleep man! Sleep! I couldn't have gotten more than 5 or 6 hours. That's not enough. 5 or 6 is being hopelessly optimistic. I know that if I'm awake right now I couldn't have slept well. Not ( Read more... )

And bouncing and reacting rather than acting. A little down today. I knew it'd hit sometime soon. Need a reason? I don't. I just am. Or maybe there's a reason that lies within the torrent of my last week. Month. Year. Oh what a fun year we've had. No specific target this time, my animosity is far more general now.

Okay, I'm retarded. Amazingly retarded. Amanda bounced back into my life again. This time we were together for all of two days. A little over a week ago we went three days. Both times she came in professing love and a desire to be with me. Both times she changed her mind. Sad fucking rock. That's her. I was pissed off to the point of ( Read more... )