I had this place that I thought was my place. As it turn out, it never was. Now I'm looking for a new place. All of the new places are filled with new people and I hate new people you see. So, yeah.

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So I'm officially on vacation. Why am I not as excited as I should be? Probably because I'm packing to spend the next four days with my family in Tennessee. Jeeez. At least G will be there, right?

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I feel like I might be surfacing sometimes, only to be pushed back down. I thought I had a handle on things this weekend, really and truly. As it turns out...not so much. Depression is a really fucked up thing, and sometimes the exhaustion alone is enough to make you feel even worse. I did go out this weekend and spend time with my family. How on ( Read more... )

Friendships are like gardens and all that shit. Lately I'm in a drought. I cherish my friends mostly but I just can't be bothered most of the time, which is sad. I am super depressed and sometimes the effort I have to make us just too much. It's incredibly difficult these days just to get out of bed, go to work, take showers, parent my child, eat ( Read more... )

I've reached the point where I literally thought about driving my car into a ditch so I could go to the hospital instead of my life draining soul crushing job.

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Mmmm...all my bags are packed and I'm ready to go. No for reals. Bags packed, boots waterproofed, and trail mix at the ready. Me and the mountains for a whole weekend. Looking forward to a few days totally off the grid in the peace and quiet of the woods. I need the break I know, but mostly I'm just excited to get back out in it. I have missed ( Read more... )

Kindergarten orientation today. I joined the motherfucking PTA y'all. Yep, that's me. Well, not really but whatever. I got very little sleep for all the activities today. The little sleep I did get was filled with a dream so relaxing that it put me in a good head space to deal with the rest of this day on an empty tank. I'm lucky for that I guess, ( Read more... )

I'm going to willingly let another human being jam a twenty inch needle into my innards tomorrow. At least they finally got the labs back though. I don't have cancer. I do have abnormal cells but I wasn't shocked to hear that. Hopefully after tomorrow some stuff will start to normalize inside of my organs though I feel like everything else is going ( Read more... )

At the very least I've decided to start seeing a therapist again. Not that I believe that therapy is magic or anything, but that shit is necessary. Therapy helps me work my own shit out, it's not the magic fix people seem to think it is where you go in and tell the nice man your problems and he magics them all away. It's intense, and brutal, and ( Read more... )

I have so many feelings right now. Some moments I feel like I might explode. It's all passive aggressive word vomit and self important emoting and I don't give a shit. I'm me, and I'm entitled to be as such. Whether you believe in God or anything else, I'm exactly who the fuck in supposed to be. The audacity of anyone to try to tell me how to think ( Read more... )